older female in her life—and it’s nice that I can provide some of Natalie’s history.”
Claire took another bite of her cookie, astonished that neither Jewel nor Jenna had interrupted her musing.
“Sasha’s at an age where she’s naturally curious about what her mother was like at eleven or twelve.” She glanced at each twin in turn. “Since Natalie and I were inseparable at that age, it makes sense for me to be in her life right now. And I want to be. It’s a way of bringing back some good memories.” She splayed her hands on the kitchen table. “It’s also giving me a chance to make things up to Natalie. To make up for the time I wasn’t here when she was sick.”
“How’s Dutch taking it? He must be mad that Sasha likes you, in spite of what you—”
Jenna visibly clamped her mouth shut. Jewel shot her twin a glowering look. Too late. Claire could already feel the wounds in her heart start to seep.
Jewel tried to cover for her blunder. “In spite of missing her mother, I mean.”
Claire gave them a wry smile. “Actually, Sasha isn’t so wrapped up in Natalie at this point. Yes, Natalie was her mother and she’ll never forget her. But I get the impression that she’s ready to move on, that she doesn’t want to be grieving her mother all the time.” The way Dutch still did.
“So Dutch is letting go of his resentment?”
“Are you sure you want to get involved with them?”
Both twins spoke at once.
Claire released a short laugh. “No, it’s clear to me that Dutch isn’t letting go as much as he probably should. But who am I to judge? It’s none of my business.”
Jewel and Jenna shared a “she’s only kidding herself” look.
“Don’t you think you could make a difference? You and Dutch did have something once.” Jewel turned back to Jenna for help.
“Yes, when you were in high school I thought you were going to marry him after graduation, or at least after college.” Jenna raised her brows for effect.
“You guys were eight years old. What did you know?”
“Not as much as we know today, and today we know that the whole town’s talking about how Dutch looks since he’s been taking care of your llamas. When we ran into Ginny in Baltimore she told us that his positive attitude’s come back. That’s huge, Claire. He’s been the grouch around here for over three years.”
“Longer if you count when Natalie got sick,” Jenna added.
“I should’ve known you’d talk to Ginny.” Claire looked at her younger sisters, shaking her head.
“Ginny talked to us. Saw us at the university open house and filled us in. She’s doing a refresher course before her courses begin. It’s really hard for her to finally leave for law school, but she’s already sacrificed, what, two years?”
Claire sighed. “I’m not doing this for Dutch or Ginny. Like I said, I’m doing it for Natalie, but, most importantly, for Sasha.” As she spoke, an incredible certainty came over her.
All along she’d thought that somehow she would make up for her behavior with Natalie. She’d never expected it would be through Natalie’s daughter, but the opportunity was staring her in the face.
“What about you and Dutch, Claire? Natalie’s been gone for years now.”
“Maybe three years sounds like a long time to you, but I’m sure Dutch would beg to differ.”
“Seriously, Claire, what’s keeping you two from at least having fun together?” Jenna was so fresh faced and naive in her query that Claire laughed.
“There’s nothing between Dutch and me. Cool it.”
“But you two were best friends for ages! And the four of you—Dutch, Natalie, you and Tom,” Jenna said, referring to Natalie’s twin brother, “were inseparable my entire childhood.”
“You and Dutch did date in high school, I remember!”
Yes, they had dated. More than date—as Jenna observed; Claire had believed she and Dutch were forging a basis for the rest of their lives. Until one night when Dutch’s efforts to comfort Natalie turned into lovemaking…
You’re not being fair. You’d already created a huge rift with your college plans.
“Yeah, but we broke up when Dutch and Natalie got…involved.” Claire’s hands started to itch, and the room felt unseasonably warm.
“You mean when he thought he got her pregnant.” Jenna, always the more practical of the twins, spat out the statement.
“That’s old history.”
“I never understood why you two never got back together. I mean, Natalie wasn’t pregnant, and they didn’t get married right away. Why didn’t you and Dutch ever work things out?”
“Our time had passed. I was going to conquer the world, Dutch had vet school ahead of him and Natalie planned to get her B.A. and her master’s in history so she could be an archivist for the state.” She stifled another deep sigh. Fatigue overwhelmed her.
“Dutch had fallen in love with Natalie,” Claire went on. “And she fell for him, too. They were meant to be together at that point.” She stated what she’d only recently come to accept as the truth. It had taken her a decade of sorting out her feelings to understand it.
“You don’t look so good, sis.” Jewel would be a great physical therapist. Her empathy didn’t quit.
“I’m fine. It’s getting hotter in here, isn’t it?”
Jewel and Jenna looked at each other, then at Claire.
“We’re not hot.”
Claire ran a shaky hand through her hair. If they knew about her current attraction to Dutch they’d have her married and living a fairy-tale life.
The thought of spending the rest of her life with him wasn’t something she could afford to entertain.
“Well, I’m hot. I need to get back to the farm. Sasha’s coming over in a few hours. Thanks for making lunch, Jewel.”
“No problem. You can do it next week.”
“You bet.”
Claire got out of the house and slipped behind the wheel of her hybrid compact. It was her running-about-town car. She had a previously owned, beaten-up pickup at the farm that she used for hauling supplies.
She was grateful she’d parked some distance from the house so the twins wouldn’t see her slumped back in her seat, head pressed against the neck rest. The discussion about Dutch and their history reverberated through her mind.
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