good. Why did you quit?”
She shrugged. “Busy. It’s hard to take time for something frivolous when you have so much going on.”
Somehow he’d moved toward the bed, knees bumping the mattress. Since he was already here, he might as well sit. “But you loved playing. If you love it, it’s not frivolous.”
No wonder she seemed so unhappy—she’d stopped letting the music feed her soul.
With a wry smile, she lay back against his pillow and a flash of memory overlaid the present—one of her reclined exactly like that, but naked, eyes hot with anticipation as she waited for him.
“Says the man who builds spaceships in his spare time. Not everyone gets to do whatever they want with their life.”
And with that bucket of cold water, the memory extinguished. Yes, he was lucky to get to follow his passion. A passion that had killed the most important people in his life. Juliana had once been on that list and all of a sudden, the list felt really blank.
“What would you be if you could be anything?”
“A mom,” she said softly. “Not in the cards.”
“Your ex didn’t want children?”
He shifted, brushing a hand across her leg accidentally-on-purpose. She jolted as if she’d taken a slug to the torso.
“You knew I’d been married?”
After she’d agreed to help him, a discreet P.I. out of Dallas had done exhaustive research on her and Eric Whittaker, the accountant she’d been married to for three years. “I came across it.”
Her ex was a dweeb with vacant eyes, who’d obviously sucked in bed if Shay’s casual touch caused such a visible reaction. If Mikey took a few days to adjust, this late-night-rendezvous deal might work in his favor. He could do some more rattling. A hot and thick flood drained into his lower half at the thought of the reaction he might get with a few better-placed touches.
She sighed with a heavy lift of her chest. “He wanted children. We tried the natural way, then the artificial way. Science isn’t good enough to overcome the defects of nature.”
“I’m sorry. That’s when you read all those baby books, isn’t it?” Her tight nod said everything she didn’t. “Is it hard to be here, with Mikey?”
Surprise flitted across her face. “I’m a professional. I’ll do my job.”
“Hey.” He leaned forward and took her hand. She’d extended the olive branch of friendship and he’d done nowhere near enough to pick it up. Of course, he didn’t intend to stop there, but it was a good start. “I’m asking because you interest me. Not because I think you’ll shirk your responsibilities.”
Some pretty major stuff had happened in her life. Rattling his way past the professional barrier she’d erected was going to be harder than he’d expected. But he’d find a way.
She looked down at their joined fingers and faked a yawn. “Mikey’s asleep. Good night.”
Then she slipped away.
Three
Mikey’s pediatrician diagnosed him with reflux, as Juliana had suspected he would. Funny how being right did little to boost her energy or her mood. Cry-it-out had only worked the first night. A week later, the reflux medicine and several different kinds of formula hadn’t worked at all. Since Maria worked only during the day and Shay hadn’t specified his nanny requirements, they split nighttime baby duty.
Fuzzily, she peered at the hands of the elephant clock on the nursery wall. 5:00 a.m. or 5:00 p.m.? A glance at the dark window answered the question. Did it matter? Time ceased to have any meaning when on call every day. She patted the screaming bundle of baby propped up on her shoulder. He’d been crying for nearly an hour.
How had Donna done this, over and over, and still functioned?
Regardless of whose turn it was, Mikey never smiled, or gurgled or did any cute baby things. Regardless of who claimed to be an expert, the result was the same. Failure.
Wiggling baby woke her. She blinked hair out of her eyes and sucked in a breath at the stab of pain through her neck and shoulders. Daylight poured through the nursery window, washing over the cartoon giraffes, lions, hippos and zebras painted on the walls. Mikey peered up at her from a nest of blankets across her thighs, uncharacteristically quiet.
She’d fallen asleep in the rocking chair with an unsecured five-month-old baby on her lap. He could have rolled off or she might have flipped him off accidentally. His head could have gotten stuck between the cushions.
His mother would never have been so irresponsible.
Of course, no matter how much she’d come to care about Mikey, Juliana was just a consultant. One who couldn’t get her brain jump-started when around the baby’s father.
The connecting door between Shay’s room and the nursery opened. Shay buzzed through and in the split second before he shut it, the door frame outlined Shay’s bed.
His mattress was soft and fluffy, with warm, inviting sheets, and she’d been very careful not to think about it. That first night, they’d been talking and it had been so familiar she hadn’t thought twice about sitting on his bed. Until he started looking at her with those Shay eyes, as if her respectable tailored pajamas and robe were transparent and he liked what they revealed.
There went that hot flush in a place that had no business flushing. Knowing his way around a woman’s body didn’t begin to compensate for lack of maturity and addiction to danger. Her well-educated brain shouldn’t have so much trouble remembering.
“Hey, Ju,” he said. “Did you get some sleep?”
“A little.” She clutched Mikey against her chest. He needed her, and it was her job to keep him safe. “I dozed off in the rocker.”
What a waste of a degree. What did she know about child rearing? A bunch of rhetoric from textbooks. The real thing kept kicking her in the teeth, minute by minute. How many parents had she sanctimoniously lectured about their mistakes, as they nervously perched on their seats in her office? How had not one of them denounced her as a fraud?
Yet she arrogantly presumed to write a book about this.
He nodded. “Been there many a time, my friend.”
“Well, it’s not advisable. We can’t keep up this middle-of-the-night marathon. Today, we need to figure out the nanny plan.”
With a nanny in place, Juliana would have distance from day-to-day care and regain her professional perspective. Then maybe she’d figure out how best to care for him. He was depending on her.
“I have a better idea. You need a break. I have a few things to take care of in Fort Worth this morning. Come with me. You can go shopping and I’ll take you to lunch. Maria will watch Mikey and we’ll be back by two or three at the latest.”
A break? If he’d said Godiva chocolate dipped in twenty-four-karat gold it couldn’t have sounded better. “Really?”
In
