in the doorway, she eyed him, pale and silent against the pillow. Lexie tiptoed across the room and gazed at him. A new bruise darkened the arm that stuck out from beneath the blanket. Anger weighted against her loving heart. Her beautiful boy carried the burden of her mistake. No matter how much she tried to see the positive and talk herself out of those feelings, they hammered at her each time she watched him suffer. And Cooper suffered in silence.
She bent over him and placed her hand against his forehead. Warm, but not hot. Relief washed through her. Watching for infection, excessive bruising, anemia and a multitude of other signs kept her vigilant. The quicker his treatment could correct any oncoming problem the better.
Lexie picked up the soup bowl and spoon, then backed away, seeing the easy rise and fall of Cooper’s chest against the blanket. He needed sleep as much as she needed to hold him in her arms. Turning, she tiptoed across the room and headed downstairs.
After rinsing the dishes and putting them into the dishwasher, she leaned against the counter. May 6 was the day Cooper was born. The moment she’d looked into his tiny face lived in her memory as a treasure. Everything else paled against the happiness she felt with her son in her arms. No matter how difficult life became she would never lose that joy.
She closed her eyes, clinging to those memories. When she opened them, Lexie strode to the refrigerator. She’d lost her appetite following Coop’s chemotherapy as much as he did, but she had to keep herself healthy for him. She opened the door and pulled an apple from the fruit drawer. She bit into the firm flesh of the fruit. The sweet taste filled her mouth as she snatched a napkin and headed back to the den and her computer.
When she settled back into her chair, she eyed the telephone. Ethan. She promised to call him. No big party for Cooper this year unless his next treatment went dramatically better. Lexie lifted Ethan’s business card laying next to the telephone and gazed at his number.
Since meeting him, Lexie realized someone besides Cooper now occupied her mind. Though she’d always been careful with people, especially ones she’d just met, Ethan’s presence felt as comfortable as her favorite slippers. At first she questioned his motivation, but after his visit and seeing him with Cooper, she had a change of heart. Ethan exemplified what it meant to be a nice person. And that’s what still caused concern. He talked about God and faith. Religion seemed a big part of his life. She hadn’t read the Bible or attended church. She and Ethan were different, but she knew what good attributes were and Ethan had them.
When she questioned his motivation, she’d asked herself if his religion was why he’d been so kind to them. But reality finally settled in. No relationship could last based on a person needing to be kind. That had nothing to do with wanting or enjoying the relationship. She needed to pay taxes but that didn’t bring her happiness. If Ethan needed to be kind because the Bible told him to, then he did it to please God and not himself. That motivation alone didn’t seem to fit Ethan.
She shook her head, wishing she could make sense out of her thoughts. What did faith really mean? Often she longed to have something fill the hollow feeling that groaned in the pit of her stomach. Cooper gave her happiness, but she yearned for a kind of fulfillment she’d never had. A sense of completeness. Maybe that was it.
Glancing down at her hand, she focused on the business card and made her decision. She lifted the receiver and punched in Ethan’s number. After three rings, she shifted to hang up and then heard the connection and his voice. “This is Lexie. I should have called you sooner, but—”
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