floated through her memory.
The cries.
The moans.
The stickiness of blood on her face.
And the metallic smell of blood and biting smell of cordite.
Through the panic this afternoon, a prayer had pierced the nightmare. The words had been a lifeline in the sea of pain and terror that she’d grabbed on to and held until the nightmare receded. When the world had come back into focus, Caleb’s strong arms had surrounded her. He’d smelled of man and wet horse, which had been a blessing and comfort. It was reality that she held on to.
She’d feared Caleb might ask what was wrong, but he hadn’t. And he hadn’t ratted her out to her brother when he’d had the opportunity.
“I think those marshmallows are ready,” Caleb whispered.
Jerking the marshmallows back, she pushed one onto the graham cracker he held.
“Thanks.”
Kaye nodded, thinking she was the one who should thank him. She breathed a sigh of relief, and the knot in her stomach eased. Caleb had just won her respect. And gratitude. When she looked at him, there was no disdain in his eyes, simply understanding.
“Whoever would’ve thought we’d be roasting our dinner over the fireplace,” Gramps grumbled. “I remember it wasn’t until I was eight before my folks got electricity at their ranch. I liked the convenience.”
“Well, tomorrow’s going to be a big day. After the insurance man comes, I’m going shopping. If y’all want any input into the purchases, you’d better come with me.”
“You can do that, Sis. We’ve got a lot to do here.”
“You know better what appliances we need,” Gramps added.
“Fine, but I think we don’t need that big a TV again. It seems a bit extreme.” That brought both of them up short.
Gramps opened his mouth, but Joel beat him to the punch. “Just do it in the afternoon, Sis. We need to care for the stock.”
“Not a problem.” Kaye swallowed her grin. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the mirth in Caleb’s face. This wasn’t the first time she’d maneuvered around obstinate men.
* * *
Kaye couldn’t sleep. Each time she closed her eyes, the smell of burned wood filled her lungs, reminding her of her flashback and the horror of cresting that last hill and seeing her home on fire. Or of a burning café in Baghdad.
She threw back the covers and scrambled out of bed, looking around for her beat-up jeans. She threw off her sleep shirt, slipped on her army-issued T-shirt and her running shoes and headed for the barn. She needed to check on Midnight. They’d both had a tough day.
Slipping out the kitchen door, she noticed that the moon washed the charred remains of the porch in silver light. It didn’t look as stark in moonlight, but with daylight the ugly scars would be there again.
She identified with that. She looked okay from the outside, but if you shone sunlight on her, you could see the burned and damaged parts. Her legs were crossed with cuts and burns, and she had massive scars from the surgery.
When she walked into the barn, the warm, comforting scent of horse filled her lungs, replacing the biting, charred smell of wood. She walked down the stalls and stopped at Midnight’s. She slipped inside and softly crooned to the horse. Midnight woke and turned to her.
“Sorry, girl, for waking you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Obviously, you are.” Kaye rubbed the horse’s muzzle. The horse snorted and nodded her head. Kaye slipped out of the stall, grabbed a curry brush and went back inside. “I didn’t mean to freak out on you.” With long strokes she worked the brush over the horse’s flank. “This time was... There weren’t words for this afternoon.”
That fact rattled Kaye. And of course, that memory was joined by other hidden memories lurking in this house. All the joy and laughter of her childhood drowned out by the sorrow that had reigned those last months of high school. She’d tried to remain numb her last months home, but thoughts of her folks had kept ambushing her. Her mom wasn’t there to help her pick out a dress for prom if she’d gone, and her dad didn’t get to see her graduate. Grandma never showed her how to make her special Chess pie. They were all gone in an instant.
Her hand stilled on Midnight’s side as she tried to catch her breath. “Lord, I’m drowning. I need something to hold on to. What am I going to do?”
She heard Razor in the next stall. She looked at Midnight and whispered, “I wasn’t expecting that.”
Kaye slipped out of Midnight’s stall and walked to Razor’s half door. “I don’t think you’re who God sent, my friend.” Putting down the curry brush on the half door, she rubbed the horse’s nose.
“I don’t know. Razor’s a godsend for a lot of cowboys.”
Instinct took over and she dropped to a crouch, ready to fight. Caleb stood at the barn’s side door. She relaxed, then tensed, wondering how much of her conversation had he heard. Well, she’d just gut her way through. “What are you doing up?”
“I could ask the same.” Caleb walked toward her. “I heard someone out here, then Razor moving, so I came to investigate. With all that’s happened today, I thought it wise.” He had on jeans, a T-shirt and flip-flops. He walked to her side. “You couldn’t sleep, either?”
“Yeah.”
She needed to thank him for helping her through the storm and not mentioning it to her family. As she searched for the best way to say it, he said, “Things around here haven’t been dull. I think there’s more excitement than Joel, Gramps or I could’ve come up with.
“Putting out fires and lifting tractors wasn’t something I imagined doing when I came to spend a little time with Joel and Gramps.” His grin punctuated his words.
“Does that mean you’re going to desert us?” She tried to force as much lightness as she could into the words, but they sounded desperate to her ears.
His expression lost all humor. “No. I promised you I’d help, and I keep my promises.”
Instantly, she knew this man had been let down by someone he trusted and would not break his word.
“Have you changed your mind about working as the pick-up rider?”
“No. But I could recommend someone.”
“I’ll take you up on that offer.” She paused, wanting to find the right words. “Thank you for not saying anything to Joel and Gramps about what happened out there in the storm.” She swallowed. “That lightning strike was so much like... I heard the boom and felt that pressure and sizzle and suddenly...”
“You don’t have to explain.”
Kaye closed her eyes and nodded, shamed by her weakness. And she wasn’t ready to talk to anyone about her memories.
Razor butted her shoulder, throwing her off balance.
