Was it her imagination or could she feel everyone’s eyes on her back? ‘We’re away from work now on neutral ground, and it’s the weekend. People just want to relax and have a good evening, me included. How about we drop our guard a little?’
This could be interesting. ‘This is where you lull me into a false sense of security then you pounce, right?’
He shrugged. ‘I don’t need to do that. We could just have a conversation and see where we get to?’
Nancy squeezed past them to get to the bathrooms. ‘Hey, Ivy. How are you feeling? Okay? Is Matteo giving you some tips?’ She winked. ‘He’s very good.’
Ivy looked at the curve of his mouth and imagined a million things he’d be good at. Then ignored the flare of heat circling in her gut. ‘I’ll bet he is.’
‘With fainting cures, that is …’
‘Obviously.’
As Nancy disappeared into the bathroom Ivy put her bag on the floor, took a long drink and felt the warmth of the wine suffuse her throat. ‘She’s a stirrer.’
‘She’s a joker, but she has a good point.’ Matteo’s smile hadn’t dropped. ‘How on earth are we going to get you ready to face the scalpel again next week?’
Aha. Plan A. ‘I’ll be fine. I was going to start by watching a few videos online. Type “kidney transplant” into a search engine and there are hundreds of operations right there to pick from. You get a bird’s-eye view, too, and commentary. It’s almost as if you’re actually there in the room, without all the smells or noises or …’ Without you, she thought, all large and looming and stealing her breath. So it would be videos all the way until she was inured to the gore, with the sound turned to mute and a decent bottle of wine for Dutch courage. Anything not to lose face again next week.
‘Ah, yes. The joys of the web. Amazing what you can find.’ His smile glittered teasingly.
She ignored that, too, knowing damned well he was referring to his glorious backside. Which she did not want to see. Or think about. At all. ‘Like I told you, some people do actually put useful things up there. It can be very educational.’
‘And you are not at work now, so you don’t need to give me the chat.’ He emphasised chat with a sarcastic twitch of his fingers. ‘Enjoy whatever you find on the internet … but make sure you take your hands away from your face first. And that you’re sitting … no, lying down. You’ll have less far to fall.’
‘Ha-ha. You really are enjoying this.’
‘What’s not to like?’ he said, in a voice filled with smugness, like the cat that had got the grappa-laced cream. ‘But I’m glad you want to come back and see the wager through. You have strength. You have this hard outer shell, but underneath there is a softer side to you. A side you don’t always want other people to see.’
That touched a raw nerve. She was only protecting herself, something she’d learnt to do because of experiences with men like him. She’d already lost enough to a selfish, inadequate man who’d wanted to play God, so she intended to keep herself whole and had no desire to fall prey to any guy’s wishes. Plus, she’d seen her mother curl up in a ball and weep over someone who she’d given a part of herself to. Watched her crumble until she’d thought she couldn’t live without him, couldn’t put one step in front of another. Couldn’t function. Ivy had no intention of crumbling. ‘Don’t we all keep a side of us private? I imagine there’s more to you than what you show, too, Matteo. It’s just how we project ourselves to the world, that’s all. We don’t have to show all our sides to everyone.’
He looked at her for a moment, his eyebrows raised, then shook his head, clearly perplexed. ‘I am me. This is it.’
‘Sure it is.’ All annoying and smug and profound Italian with raw sex appeal and, she decided, probably not a lot of substance.
He shrugged as if he was reading her mind and he didn’t give a jot what she thought. He probably didn’t. ‘Okay, whatever you think. You have your mind made up, I don’t intend wasting my time trying to convince you otherwise. But, seriously, take a few small steps. Watch a video or two and concentrate on your body’s response. Make sure you even out your breathing. Make sure it’s deep and slow and regular, not jumpy, like it is right now.’
Ivy took a long slow breath in, felt a thump of palpitation in her chest as she willed her heart to slow. ‘My breathing is fine.’
‘Really? Could have fooled me. Because right now I’d say you were about to hyperventilate.’ He reached a hand to her earlobe and checked out her silver hoop earring, ran a finger across the sensitive part of her neck. ‘See. When I do that … up it goes. You need to be aware of that.’
Hello, I am very aware. Too aware. Her heart jittered, her hand started to shake again as she rubbed the spot he’d touched. ‘I’ll bear that in mind.’ And, for the record, if she was to have a thing with anyone, it wouldn’t be with a sexed-up macho surgeon. She would choose someone interested in the kind of things she liked, art, literature, someone with class and sophistication.
Not just a nice ass. And nice hands. And a devastating smile.
The smile spoke. ‘And relax. Know your body well enough that you can identify signs of tension and consciously relax. Or, another method if you start to feel lightheaded, tense your arms and legs and get the blood flowing well. Wiggle your toes to make sure your venous return is sufficient.’
‘Yup. Thanks.’
‘And why not just start with watching someone take blood first … move on up to renal transplants in a day or so? You don’t want to run before you walk. Yes?’
‘No. Yes. Whatever. Thanks for the pep talk.’ She tried, but failed, to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. ‘You trained in psychology as well as medicine?’
‘No.’ His eyebrows rose. ‘But I had to get back into that theatre on day two somehow.’
‘Oh. You were serious earlier about being sick in the OR? I thought you were just saying that to make me feel better.’ Something really had rattled the great Dr Delicious once upon a time? ‘And even after that you went on and trained to be a surgeon? Why? Why didn’t you go into something less gory if it made you throw up?’
‘Because that wasn’t my dream. My dream was to be a renal surgeon. I don’t like to do second best.’
She didn’t doubt that or that he’d fight tooth and nail for what he wanted. He was the kind of guy who always got what he wanted and was used to snapping out orders—and having them followed. ‘Why renal surgery? Why not orthopaedics or plastics, or something else?’
He took a drink from his beer bottle and for a moment looked pensive. ‘My sister needed a kidney when she was eleven. She got one, in the end, although it took some time. And I could see the immediate change in her. I got my little sister back, with no pain and a future and so much energy. It was like a miracle. They saved her life. It seemed such a fabulous thing to do that I set my heart on it.’
Again with the surprise. The man could do serious and personal. This was the side of him she’d thought he hid. But he’d been right—he was up-front and honest. In an irritatingly candid way. Maybe she just hadn’t asked him the right questions.
And
