drive to check...
He swept the snow which had fallen in through the doorway back out into the courtyard, shut the door, stamped the snow off his boots and put them on the rack, hung up his coat and went back into the kitchen.
She’d made a pot of tea and was sitting at the table with Josh and a pile of hot buttered toast, playing peeka-bo behind a slice of toast. Josh, his face smeared with butter and crumbs, was giggling deliciously and Sebastian felt his heart squeeze.
‘Smells good,’ he said, rubbing his hands together to warm them, and Georgie looked up and searched his face.
‘And the answer is?’ she asked, the laughter fading in her eyes, and he shook his head.
‘We’re going nowhere. The lane’s full to head height.’
‘Head height?’ she gasped, and her eyes looked shocked. As if she was imagining being out there with Josh, trapped in the car, seeing what he’d seen in his mind’s eye?
‘Hey, it’s all right, I was here,’ he said softly, reading her mind, and she looked up at him again and their eyes locked.
‘But what if...?’
‘No what ifs. Don’t go there, George.’ He certainly wasn’t going there again. Once was enough. He took a mug out of the cupboard. ‘Any more tea in the pot?’
‘Mmm. And I made you more toast. I wasn’t sure if you’d want it but I made it anyway because we interrupted your breakfast.’
He dropped into the chair opposite her and reached for a slice. ‘That’s fine, I could do with more,’ he said, and sank his teeth into it, suddenly hungry.
Hungry for all sorts of things.
Her warmth. Her laughter.
Her little boy, so like her, so mischievous and delightful, a part of her. What did that feel like? To have someone to love, someone who was part of you?
He looked quickly away and turned on the television to give himself something to do.
So much for his defences. They were in tatters, strewn around him like an old timber barn after a hurricane, and she and her child had walked straight through them as if they’d never even existed.
Maybe they hadn’t. Maybe they’d just never been tested before, but they were being tested now, with bells on.
Jingle bells.
She was watching the screen, looking at the pictures of snow sent in by viewers of the local breakfast news programme. Not just them, then—not by a long way. And tomorrow was Christmas Day.
‘There’s no chance we’ll be out of here by tomorrow, is there?’ she said flatly.
Had she read his mind? Probably, as easily as he’d read hers. They’d always been good at it. Except at the end—
‘I think it’s very unlikely. I’m sorry. Your parents will be disappointed.’ She nodded. Josh was playing on the floor now, driving a piece of toast around like a car, and she met Sebastian’s eyes, worrying her lip again in that way of hers.
‘They will be disappointed,’ she said softly, lowering her voice. ‘So will yours. Was it just them coming?’
‘No. My brothers were coming up from London—well, Surrey. I expect they’ll spend it together now. They live pretty close to each other. What about your family? Was it just your parents, or was Jack going to be there?’
‘No, just them. Jack’s got his own family now.’ She sighed. ‘I really wanted this Christmas to be special. Josh was too small to understand his first Christmas, and last year—well, it just didn’t happen really, without David. It seemed wrong, and he was still too young to understand it, so we just spent it very quietly with my parents. But this year...’
‘This year he’s old enough, and you’ve moved on,’ he murmured.
She nodded. ‘Yes. Yes, I have, and he is, and it was going to be so lovely—’
She broke off and swallowed her disappointment, and he couldn’t leave her like that. Her, or a little boy who’d lost his father. He had no idea how his own first Christmases had been spent. He didn’t even know the religion of his real parents, their nationality, their age. Nothing. Just a void. And he couldn’t bear the thought that Josh would have a void where Christmas should have been. He’d make sure that didn’t happen if it killed him.
He took a deep breath, buried his misgivings and smiled at her.
‘Well, we’ll just have to make sure it is lovely,’ he said. ‘Heaven knows we’ve got enough food, and I’ve got all the decorations and there’s a tree outside waiting to come in, if I can find it under the snow. And we can’t do anything else. My family aren’t going to be able to get here, and you can’t get away, so why don’t we just go for it? Give Josh a Christmas to remember.’
She stared at him, taking in his words, registering just what it must be costing him to make the offer—although she might have known he would. The old Sebastian, the one she loved, wouldn’t have hesitated. The new one—well, she was beginning to realise she didn’t know him at all, but he might not be as bad as she’d feared.
‘That would be lovely,’ she said softly, her eyes welling. ‘Thank you. I know you don’t—’
He lifted his hand, silencing her. ‘Let it go, George. Let’s just take it at face value, have a bit of fun and give Josh his Christmas—no strings, no harking on the past, no recriminations. And no repeats of last night. Can we do that?’
Could they? She wasn’t sure, but she wanted to try.
She felt the tears welling faster now, and pressed her lips together as she smiled at him. ‘Yes. Yes, we can do that. Thank you.’
He returned her smile a little wryly, and got to his feet.
‘So—want to help me decorate the house?’
* * *
He gave them a guided tour of the ground floor.
Josh loved it. There were so many places to hide, so much to explore. And Georgie—well, she loved it in a different way, a bitter-sweet, this-could-have-been-ours way that made her heart ache.
No what ifs.
His words echoed in her head, and she put the thoughts out of her mind and concentrated on what he’d done to the house.
A lot.
‘Oh, wow!’ she said, laughing in surprise when they went into the dining room. ‘That’s a pretty big table.’
‘It extends, too,’ he said, his mouth twitching, and she felt her eyes widen.
‘Really?’ She went to the far end and sat down. ‘Can you hear me?’
His smile was wry with old memories. ‘Just about. Probably not with the extra leaves in.’
Their
