spent after building up the economy, that made the difference. I need everything to be as it should be. I need it to have balance and order. I want it to.”
“And Victoria will help with that.”
“Victoria is only a piece of the puzzle. I’ve been setting all of this in place for years.”
“I know,” she said, looking away from him again. “Plans … I wish sometimes that some of mine had worked out. And sometimes … I’m glad they didn’t.”
Really, today was the first time she was honestly glad to be in a different place. With a different man. She hadn’t loved her ex for years. But very often she’d longed to go back to a time when she did love him.
A time when her life had been full of possibilities. Instead of a time when so many of her dreams had died.
“Mine have to work out,” he said. “For my people.”
“Has Xander officially abdicated?”
“No. And he won’t until after my father dies, which doesn’t look like it will be soon. I am thankful for that.”
“But you’re playing chess,” she said.
“What do you mean?”
“I actually suck at chess, but I have a brother who plays very well, and he used to talk me into playing when we were younger. I could never win, because I was always responding to his moves. He knew all of his moves from the beginning. And he had back-up maneuvers just in case I failed to be predictable, but mostly, he just followed the strategy he’d had since the opening move. You already know your checkmate.”
He laughed and placed his hand over hers, his thumb blazing a trail of heat over her skin as he moved it back and forth. “But this is a move I did not see making.”
“Do you regret it? Because we haven’t done anything we can’t take back.”
He shook his head. “I don’t. I should, I’m certain of that. This is unfair to you.”
It was her turn to laugh. “How? I’m not some young, inexperienced girl. I’ve been married, I’ve been divorced. I’ve done love and loss. I’m a bit too cynical to get hurt by a temporary affair.” She hoped that was true. She’d certainly believed it of herself before she’d met Stavros. Before she’d started caring for him.
How had that happened? He was so far removed from her. A prince, for heaven’s sake. And a client. They shouldn’t connect on any level. Yet, she felt like he was the one person who had a hope of understanding her. She felt she understood him. How had he started to matter so much?
He nodded. “I know. But your husband hurt you. I don’t want any part of that. Of hurting you.”
She forced out a laugh and lifted her wineglass to her lips. “By that logic, you should worry about yourself. Yes, he hurt me. But I hurt him, too. Marriage is a two-way street, and very rarely is everything the fault of one person. I’m capable of breaking a man’s heart, Stavros, so perhaps it’s me who should be giving you an out.”
“I don’t have a heart to break, Jess.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“When have I had time to worry about my feelings? I have to take care of Kyonos. While my father took his rage and grief out on Xander, while Xander wallowed in his guilt, someone had to push it aside and stand up. I have made it my mission to never allow emotion to dictate what I do. It has no place in me.” His eyes met hers, the blankness in them frightening. She was so used to his charming glimmer that seeing him now, flat, empty, made her feel cold. The problem was that it rang far truer than the charismatic charm ever had. As though this was really him. The real depth of him. “It is what I must do, to be the best king I can be. To be better than my father.”
“I get that.” If she hadn’t been able to hide behind her wall of snark, she could never have done her job. Could never have gone on matching other couples, trying to help them find their happily ever after. She couldn’t have done it if she’d allowed the wound from the loss of her own to keep on bleeding.
She’d learned to shut it off. To protect herself. That was all deserting her now.
Not the time.
The darkness in his eyes changed, warmed. “But for a while, I’m going to focus on this.” He leaned over and pressed a light kiss to her lips. He’d barely touched her since their encounter in the morning, and it was so very welcome.
“I appreciate your focus,” she said, her breath coming in shorter bursts now. She tried not to be so obvious, tried to regain control.
But she could tell, from the expression on Stavros’s face, that he didn’t have any more control than she did. And that made it all seem a little bit more acceptable. Made it feel better that she couldn’t stop her stomach from fluttering and her heart from thundering, hard and fast.
Neither of them had command of the attraction. The fact she was a part of it, that she was able to drive a man to this point, it did wonders for her completely squished ego.
It affected more than that, but she didn’t really want to ponder it on a deeper level.
“I can’t focus on anything else when you’re around,” he said, sliding his fingers through her hair.
“It’s hard to believe you needed my help finding a wife. You seem to have the romance thing down.”
He shook his head. “Romance is an area I’ve always found myself lacking in. Not in seduction, or flirting, but that’s a different matter, isn’t it? It requires no sincerity. And the matter of my marriage … that’s separate from either of those. You know that.”
His eyes were intense on hers, desperation evident in their depths. Desperation for her to understand. She didn’t know why, and she was willing to bet he didn’t, either. Only that she felt it echo inside of her.
“I know,” she said, covering his hand with hers. “But we aren’t worrying about that, right?”
“I see you’ve finally gotten on board with the denial tactic.”
“Reality has its place. But it’s not here.”
“Normally, I would disagree. I would disagree with the entire concept of this relationship. But I don’t have the strength right now.” The words were rough, a hard admission for a man who lived his life by his strength. Who had based every action on being stronger than those around him.
He was Atlas, with the world on his shoulders. Or at least a country.
He deserved to set it down for a second. To have some relief.
“The only reason you don’t have the strength right now, is because you’ve had to be stronger than any man should have to be. You’ve given up too much.” she said.
“Maybe. But until now I hadn’t missed anything. But if I passed up the chance to be with you … I think I would miss it for all of my life.”
His words hung between them, thick and serious. And far too true. They’d
