dizzy with want and need. Covering her hot cheeks with her hands, she tried to regain her equilibrium. She needed to rein in her wants and needs. More than ever, she needed to focus on what was right for Joel, but Rafe was turning into a constant craving.
The following day, she had little chance to pull her guard in place. Rafe played with Joel in the heated pool, and Joel begged her to join them. Rafe’s gentleness with Joel chipped away at her defenses. Rafe taught Joel how to float, kick and dog paddle. After they ate sandwiches by the pool, Joel was tired enough for a nap.
Nicole took advantage of the downtime to rest in a chaise lounge beneath one of the large umbrellas. Feeling the weight shift in her chair, she opened her eyes to see Rafe leaning over her. His hair still damp from the pool, his tanned, broad shoulders dotted with water, he brushed a strand of hair from her cheek.
“Looks like Mom is almost as tired as the kid,” he said.
She nodded, closing her eyes to his effect on her, but she wasn’t sure it worked. “Between the time on the yacht and the trip to Fort Lauderdale, I’m pooped.”
“You like the sun, don’t you?”
She nodded again. “The heat feels good. The breeze is delicious.”
“Yeah,” he said. “Did you know the temperature in Atlanta is forty-six?”
She met his taunting gaze. “You had to tell me that, didn’t you?”
He gave a low chuckle that rippled through her. “I could make you like it here. A lot.”
She closed her eyes. “I was relaxing until you started talking about Atlanta.”
“If Atlanta makes you tense, then all the more reason to stay here,” he said and covered her lips with his fingers before she could protest that he was making her tense. “Relax,” he said. “You’re here in the promised land.”
She closed her eyes and tried not to think about what promises he could fulfill. She took a few deep breaths and drifted to sleep. Some time later, Joel appeared at her side and tugged at her arm.
“Wake up,” Joel said. “We’re gonna play Wii.”
Blinking, Nicole sat up, noticing that a soft towel had been draped over her. Surprised at how quickly the time had passed, she pulled Joel close for a hug. “When did you wake up?”
“A long time ago. You’ve been sleeping forever. I asked Daddy Rafe to wake you up, but he said to let you sleep. He put the blanket on you.” He tapped his foot impatiently. “I want to play Wii.”
Her heart stuttered at his reference to Rafe as Daddy. “Okay,” she said, smiling at him. “Go play Wii and I’ll get dressed.”
“Are you okay?” he asked.
She glimpsed a slice of fear in his eyes. “Of course I am. I was just extra sleepy.”
“You’re not sick, are you?”
Nicole’s heart twisted and she shook her head, taking him into her arms again. “No, sweetie. I just stayed up too late last night.”
He let out a big sigh of relief. “Okay.”
Nicole realized that more than ever she represented safety and security to Joel. What if something happened to her? What would happen to Joel? The possibility clawed at her. Even though she’d made backup plans, Nicole hated the idea of him feeling afraid and abandoned.
Her stomach pulled into a square knot. Even though she was still uncertain about Rafe, she could tell that he was determined to be responsible about his role as Joel’s father. She would need to teach him.
Later that evening, after Joel went to bed, Nicole broached the subject with Rafe. “I need to tell you how to be Joel’s father.”
He shot her an incredulous look. “You’re going to tell me how to be a father?”
“I’m going to educate you about your son’s needs and how you can best take care of those needs,” she said.
He crossed his arms over his chest. “I have some idea about what a boy needs.”
“Your ideas may not be correct,” she said. “For example, did you know that Joel reaches for his purple elephant whenever he’s feeling insecure?”
Rafe’s face fell. “Purple elephant?”
“His name is Fred,” she said.
“Fred?”
She shrugged. “Joel likes orange juice and apple juice. When he eats too many sweets, he gets cranky. When he doesn’t get to bed in time, he gets cranky.”
“How many sweets?” Rafe asked. “What time to bed? Ten?”
“More than two cookies,” she said. “Nine o’clock bedtime is pushing it. Eight o’clock is best. And as you saw yesterday, if he has a super-active day, he needs a nap. He does best with a schedule. You have to stick to it.”
“Why are you telling me all of this?”
She suddenly felt a pain in her chest and struggled to take a breath. “Because you need to know these things if you’re serious about being Joel’s father. I may not always be around.”
“Why not? Is this because you might want to take off with Gerard Thomas?”
“No,” she said frustrated. “That’s the last thing on my mind. You and I don’t know how this situation is going to work out. And it hit me this afternoon that there are no guarantees. If something were to happen to me, Joel wouldn’t go to my cousin, Julia. He would be with you, and I can’t bear the thought of him feeling insecure or abandoned.”
He moved toward her and took her in his arms. “Nothing is going to happen to you. You’re going to be fine. You’re going to nag Joel for the rest of his life.”
Feeling his strong arms around her, she couldn’t stop tears from filling her eyes. She bit her lip and tried to laugh to cover her emotion. “I like to think so, but you and I both know that there are no guarantees. You still need to learn what Joel needs.”
“I know. I know,” he said. “But right now, this woman needs to go to bed.”
Allowing him to lead her up the stairs to her room, she was surprised at how much she craved his tenderness. It took her by surprise. Perhaps because her father had given her so little compassion.
Rafe escorted her into the room and urged her down on to the bed. She sat, looking up at him. “I need to brush my teeth.”
“You want me to undress you?” he asked with a wolfish expression.
She smiled and shook her head. “You need to give me a break. I can’t take you on now.”
“Damn. If I had a little less integrity, I would have my wicked way with you.”
“If I stayed awake,” she said.
“Oh,
