of the house to get to his truck, he had to face her. His motto had always been that a good defense was a stunning offense. Distraction, that was the key.
“Hey, Katherine,” he said, even before he could see her. “Have you heard from Jack?”
“Not since he went out. He said he might be late. There was a bad wreck on the highway with a tractor trailer rig, so that might tie him up until late.”
“I’m worried about you.” Which was the truth, absolutely the truth. “I know Hayden’s here, but what if the lights go out?”
“I’ve got a flashlight on my end table and a book to read when my movie is done.” She seemed wise to his ways and bursting with another question.
He had to keep talking and fast. One thing a man learned with so many sisters was how to head them off. “I’ll be just a call away. The roads will still be a mess tomorrow, so I’ll go out to pick up Gran early. We’ll probably be here around ten.”
“Sure, all of that is fine, Spence.” Katherine’s eyes were laughing at him. “You sure are trying hard to keep me from asking you about Lucy again. If it’s too hard for you, I won’t. I promise. I won’t say another word.”
“Thank you.” Relief left him dizzy. “I just helped her out. I know you’re happily married to Jack. I’m glad for you. But you’ve got to understand. Marriage isn’t for everyone.”
“So you keep telling me.” It was concern that marked her pretty face. She was just about the only one he let fuss over him, and he recognized the look.
He stared down at his snowy boots. He didn’t want her to see how much this was costing him. Nothing could hurt like family, he’d told Lucy, but it was so much more than that. He’d lost the ability to trust. To believe in another person. To really believe enough to stake everything on someone else. He was grateful his sisters had found good men they could trust, even love.
But he didn’t believe in it. Love faded. Love ended.
Love could tear a man’s heart out. He’d seen it happen to his father. Spence zipped up his coat all the way and faced the door. He braced himself because he knew Katherine’s question was still coming and it would hit him like a falling brick.
“You like Lucy, don’t you?” Her question was soft with kindness and gentle with understanding, but that didn’t stop it from being too personal.
Too touchy-feely. Too tied up in emotions. Life was better when you stayed in the concrete world. In black and white. Did he like Lucy? That was a question he couldn’t answer. Because he would have to look at his tangled-up feelings. Because he would have to admit that his well-guarded heart wasn’t defended enough.
How could he not like Lucy? She was pretty and kind and lovely. When she smiled, it was like the sun coming out on a cloudy day. Like snow on Christmas morning.
“I don’t dislike her too much,” he said instead, saying what he wanted to be true. What he had to make true. “You know I’m better off alone.”
“I know you believe that, but—” Pity for him filled her eyes.
Pity. He hated it. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“I want good things for you, Spence. You work so hard for all of us. You are such a good man.”
“If you go on about how I deserve good things, I’m not going to grocery shop for you again.” It was an empty threat, and they both knew it.
She smiled. “Love isn’t a bad thing, Spence. Look how it has changed my life. I’m happier than I ever imagined being with Jack as my husband and Hayden as my daughter. And this baby on the way.” She rubbed her round stomach, lovingly. “You don’t want to be alone forever, do you? Don’t you want to be a father?”
“No.” To be a father would mean he would need a wife, and he’d vowed never to marry. Who could he ever trust that much? There probably wasn’t a woman on the face of this earth that he could believe in. At least, he was pretty sure he would never find one.
“Fine.” Katherine wasn’t easily defeated. “Then let me tell you a little about Lucy. She didn’t have a close family growing up. Her mother hardly talks to her since she became a Christian.”
He knew that. He didn’t want to think that they had something in common—moms who had let them down.
“She volunteers a lot at the children’s wing of the local hospital. She’s very devoted to her work there. She moved here because she came here on vacation and said she could still see the old Wild West.”
Deep down he wanted to like that about Lucy, that she could see Montana’s heritage and history and respected it. But on a safer level, he couldn’t let himself admit to such a thing. “Probably because she writes those historical books, moving here makes her job easier. That’s all.”
“Even you don’t believe that one. I know you, Spence. You push everyone away. You keep all of us at a distance.” There was more than pity on Katherine’s face now. There was love. “Maybe you could try letting someone in. I’m not saying it has to be Lucy, but if you did, I don’t think it would be a mistake.”
His throat ached. He thought back over the evening with Lucy in his truck. She had a companionable air to her. She was easy to talk with—even if he didn’t talk much. She was gentle and kind and funny. He had said more to her than he’d said to any woman outside his family in a good decade. She’d made him almost smile. At least twice. Maybe more. She made the cold places in his heart ache to be less lonely.
She was definitely a woman he needed to stay away from. He swallowed hard against the emotion bunched in his throat and lifted his hand in farewell. “See you tomorrow, Kath.”
The moment he felt the driving snow beat against his face, he tried to tell himself that Katherine might mean well, but she was wrong. He didn’t need anyone. He was happy with his life. He was glad to be alone.
The trouble was that loneliness was getting bigger and bigger, and tonight it felt enormous. The wind howled, chasing snow into drifts as he fought through the accumulation to his waiting truck. The lights behind him faded into darkness. By the time he’d tumbled into the cab and started the engine, he was colder than he’d ever been. He wanted to tell himself it was the weather, but it was more. It was the loneliness beating at him, the loneliness that hadn’t felt so bad before tonight. Maybe it was because he’d been so numb to it.
That was Lucy’s doing, too.
He started the truck, letting the defroster blast on high as he wiped down the windows again with another towel from beneath his seat. It was impossible not to remember Lucy watching him as if he’d sprouted another ear when he’d meticulously wiped down his side of the truck.
He supposed a woman like her wasn’t used to being practical. Katherine’s words stuck with him and hurt like a blade dug deep. Maybe you could try letting someone in. I’m not saying it has to be Lucy, but if you did, I don’t think it would be a mistake.
He couldn’t imagine a bigger one. Lucy was a writer, an author. In that way, she was just like his mother had been. She was someone seeking attention and fame and all the things that didn’t matter in life.
So what if he liked her?
