broken collarbone shot fire through him. It was pain he welcomed—pain he deserved.
Memories, like firebrands, seared into his soul. “Fellas, I can’t do this. Not now.” He headed for the door, escape all he could think about. Hell on earth had nothing on what he felt. Jess slid into his path as Luke came around the edge of the desk and flanked him.
“We talked with a specialist,” Luke said. “And he suggested some counseling—”
“I’m not—” Colt stared at his brothers. “I don’t need some guy with a Ph.D telling me I need to get over it.” He gritted the words out. They blew up like fireworks. “Do you think the family I wiped out cares whether I ‘get over it.’ No. They wish I’d had my head on straight that night. They wish I’d have pulled over ten minutes earlier when I realized I was drifting in and out of sleep while my boot remained hard and heavy on the gas pedal!”
“Colt—” Luke tried to break in but Colt cut him off.
“And how about their loved ones? They wish I’d have been off the road where I belonged when the family they loved—” He couldn’t voice it again. Couldn’t look it in the face again—why couldn’t his brothers get that? Some things just cut too deep.
His head pounding, he started for the door. Jess didn’t move. “Colt, we’re worried about you.”
He looked from one brother to the other. “Don’t y’all get it? Y’all can’t fix this. Nothing can.”
Luke laid his hand on Colt’s arm. “God can.”
Like a jagged blade, the words cut deep and ragged. Colt yanked his arm free. “I’d say it’s a little too late for that.” Two weeks ago he’d been racking up the points to compete in the National Finals Rodeo in Las Vegas in December. He’d been hauling hard across the country from rodeo to rodeo, maintaining his position as a top contender in the finals rodeo. He’d been road weary the night the drunk had swerved into him, sending him into the oncoming traffic, where his truck had hit a vehicle head-on.... Even thinking about it drove him crazy. And plunged him deeper into the murky pit he was in.
Stepping around Luke, he pushed violently on the door. It slammed open, banging against the building as it hit full force. Colt stormed outside onto the porch, fully intent on getting back to his isolated cabin, tucked into the woods at the back of their ranch.
Barreling down the steps, running as much from his thoughts as his brothers, he almost ran into the woman standing at the bottom of the steps. If she hadn’t stepped back, he would have taken her out.
“I’m sorry,” he blurted, coming up short. “I didn’t see you.”
“It’s okay,” she assured him, studying him intently with wide eyes that looked pale lavender in the glaring sunlight. She moved her warm blond hair behind her ear and caught her breath. He’d obviously scared her. She was rail thin, and her clothes hung on her as if they were someone else’s.
Luke and Jess stepped up behind him on the porch, and her gaze flitted from him to each of them before landing back on him.
Colt stiffened, going on alert as wariness curled into a ball in the pit of his stomach. He’d learned over the last three weeks that when someone studied him like this, it wasn’t a good thing.
“Hi,” Luke said, taking control of the situation. “I’m Luke Holden. These are my brothers—Jess, and the guy who almost ran you over is Colt. What can we do for you?”
“Well, I’m looking for...” She paused, her gaze probing his. “You’re Colt Holden. The bull rider?” she asked, as if she wasn’t sure from the way he looked.
Colt rubbed his three-day-old beard. Did he look that bad? He glanced down at himself. His own jeans hung loosely on his hips, showing that Jess was right—he had lost weight. And it didn’t take a look in the mirror for him to know he looked older and drawn. He felt every bit of it.
He needed to get out of here, but for the life of him, Colt couldn’t tear his eyes from the woman’s pale eyes. Something stirred inside his chest at the way they searched his face, as if she were trying to look inside his head—which was not a good place for anyone to be searching right now.
“Do I know you?” Something pricked in the back of his memory. He’d feared at first that she might be a reporter. He’d learned the hard way that reporters could look innocent, too, and be as deadly as sharks.
“Um, no,” she replied quickly. “We’ve never met. I...” She swallowed hard, then took a halting breath as her gaze hit the ground before bouncing back to his.
Was she lying? Her body language wasn’t giving him any confidence in her words.
“I’ve actually brought my nephew to meet you. He’s your number one fan. I’m sorry to intrude, but I was wondering if you would take a moment to meet him.”
A child. Colt’s heart jerked at the thought and he shook his head. “I can’t— I mean, I’m not—”
Behind her, the creak of the battered blue car’s door opening drew his attention. His heart sank as a little boy, about five or six years old, peeked out. Colt steeled himself against the slash of guilt that ripped straight through him.
“Colt!” The kid’s big eyes, wide and dancing with excitement, stared at Colt as if he was some kind of superstar. “It is you!” the kid yelled and charged.
Stepping back, Colt wanted to turn and run the other way, but he held his position, glaring at the lady. Her mouth was hanging open as the kid skidded to a halt in front of him, gravel crunching as he came.
“I been waitin’ my whole long life to meet you,” he exclaimed, then joyfully threw his arms around Colt’s knees.
Images of another child flashed through Colt’s thoughts, breaking his heart once again into shattered pieces. Sweat popped across his brow and his heart thundered. It was all he could do to hold his ground as his gaze flew from the boy’s ecstatic, upturned face, then back to the woman. To his disbelief, she looked more terrified than he felt.
Three weeks ago, Colt would have patted the kid on the head and asked him questions, drawn him into a conversation and tried to make a good impression on the boy. Today he couldn’t breathe, his voice clogged in his throat and all he could think about was getting away. Life had changed in the blink of an eye. One minute he’d been on top of the world, chasing the dream reflected in this little boy’s eyes. Today that dream meant nothing compared to the lives lost because of him. How did he move on from that?
How did he deserve to move forward from a tragedy that he could have prevented?
That was the question he was wrestling with.
Looking into the little boy’s eyes, all Colt could think of was getting away.
Far, far away.
Chapter Two
Leo, Leo, Leo. Annie’s heart tugged at his childish adoration. It was obvious Colt Holden was not used to being fawned over by kids. This shocked her. The man was a rodeo hero and there were always photos of him grinning and signing autographs... Please tell me he is not one of those “fake it for the camera” guys.
If
