they didn’t see him approach across the grass.
He stopped at the sound of Sarah’s laugh. Hadn’t heard that for a while.
“No, but seriously, I know how you feel,” Faith said. “My mom died when I was young, too.”
“How old were you?”
“Twelve.”
“Sheesh. That sucks.”
“Yeah. Car accident.”
“So no time for goodbye?”
“Right.”
Sarah chewed that over. “I guess at least I had that.”
“Both ways are tough. There’s no getting around it. It’s so hard.”
“Do you still think about your mom?” Sarah asked.
“Oh, yeah,” Faith said. “Every day.”
Levi did, too. Every day, some thought of his mom would cross his mind—her energy, her total lack of self-pity. Even when she was doped up on morphine, she’d make him and Sarah laugh.
There was an unusual tightness in his throat.
“There are days when I’m so sad, I don’t think I can even get out of bed,” Sarah said now, her voice small. “All I want is my mom, and I have to go to classes and listen to all that stuff, and it just seems so shallow and meaningless, when I’d trade in everything for just another regular day with her.” His sister’s voice broke, and Faith put an arm around her.
“I’m sorry, honey,” she said. Nothing else, just that. She stroked Sarah’s hair in an unconscious way, idly, her head tipped against Sarah’s. Just petted her hair and let his sister cry.
“I know I should get over it,” Sarah said. “It’s been more than a year.”
“Well,” Faith said, “you don’t really get over it. You just learn to carry it better. And the only way to do that is to do the regular things. Get out of bed. Go to classes. Try to be normal, and pretty soon all that grief you carry...it gets easier.”
“That’s what Levi says,” Sarah said after a minute.
“I guess he’s not always a dope, then.”
“Most of the time, he is.”
“Yeah, I’d agree with you there.” There was a smile in Faith’s voice.
“I just...I feel her more when I’m here,” his sister said. “That’s why I don’t want to be at school.”
A pain stabbed Levi’s chest. Why didn’t his sister tell him that? Why did she whine about hard classes and her lack of friends if that wasn’t the real issue?
He thought he might know the answer.
Because he didn’t let her.
“Do you ever talk to her?” Sarah asked.
“Oh, sure,” Faith answered. She was lying, Levi thought.
“Does she ever answer? Like, do you ever think her spirit’s with you or something?”
Faith was quiet for a few seconds. “Yeah, I do.” Another lie, telling Sarah what she wanted to hear. “How about you?”
“Definitely. Levi just looks at me funny when I say that, but I feel her around sometimes.”
“Well, he’s a guy. They’re pretty thick.” There was another smile in Faith’s voice, and Levi felt the corner of his mouth tug.
“Total cement,” Sarah said.
“Lead.”
“Exactly.” Sarah straightened up and blew her nose. “Were you homesick when you first left?”
“Oh, yeah. I missed this place so much it actually hurt. I had a stomachache for weeks.”
“I know!”
“But, Sarah, if you stayed here and passed up on the chance to live away and be your own person, rather than Levi’s little sister...wouldn’t you always wonder what you missed?”
Good girl, Faith.
“I guess. I mean, theoretically, I do want to go to college and stuff. Live away, at least for a while. But it’s hard.”
“I know, honey.” Faith was quiet for a minute. “You know the saying. Everything worthwhile in life is hard.”
“Yeah. Levi quotes it on a daily basis.” Sarah stretched her arms over her head. “I should get home.” She turned, and, seeing him there, gave a little shriek. “Jeez! Levi! You shouldn’t just stand there like a serial killer! Say something next time!”
“I just got here, so settle down,” he said. “You two ready to call it a night?”
Faith stood up and brushed off her skirt. “Chief. How was the possum?”
“Feisty,” he said. Her white shirt glowed in the darkness. “Walk you home, girls?”
“So what’s your favorite thing to do in San Fran?” Sarah asked, trotting backward so she could see Faith as they walked up Lake Street, and Faith talked about the weather, the flowers, the food, the views. She made it sound like the best place on earth.
“Maybe I’ll go there for a semester,” Sarah said. “My school has swap programs with a bunch of colleges.”
Well, hell.
“It’s a great city,” Faith said. “Definitely look into it. If I’m still there, we could get together.”
They walked past the now-quiet green, the shops dark. “Look up there,” Faith said, and sure enough, a light was on in her apartment, silhouetting her dog as he stood with his paws on the windowsill. “Hi, Blue! Be there in a minute,” she called.
Levi held the door, and Faith’s hair brushed his chin as she went in, enveloping him in that smell. He followed her up the stairs. Great legs.
“Thanks for hanging out,” Sarah said as Levi unlocked their door.
“Oh, honey, it was really nice,” Faith answered.
“Sorry if I was a total drag.”
“You weren’t. Are you kidding?” She smiled and opened her own door, and her dog bounded out, dancing with joy.
“Hi, poochie!” Sarah said, bending to pet him. The dog licked her chin and whined. “Aw, what a sweetie you are!” She scratched his ears, then straightened. “Good night!” With that she went inside.
Levi didn’t follow. He waited till the door closed instead, just looked at Faith, who’d reached inside her door and gotten Blue’s leash.
