same. Devastated that his career was over, relieved because, for the first time in his life, to his absolute shame…he was afraid of dying. Afraid that that self-same fear would prevent him from acting, from doing what needed to be done.
And a fearful soldier might as well be a dead one.
Born into a service-oriented family, Lex had been raised with the belief that every human being needed to leave the world a better place than they found it. His father had served in the army for twenty years, then went on to become a police officer. His mother was a retired schoolteacher who helped inmates at the local jail who didn’t have their general education diplomas—GEDs—to get them so that they could apply for further continuing education classes. His brother was a medic, currently serving with the air force in Afghanistan, and his sister was a nurse.
His entire family contributed to the greater good of the world and he was unbelievably proud of them. They each had a purpose and, even though he’d had one up until six months ago, he’d never truly felt like his feet had been on the right path. He’d loved the military, had a tremendous regard for the men and women who served, and he’d been proud to be a part of it. But he’d always had the nagging suspicion that it wasn’t what he was meant to do, to be.
Truthfully, he couldn’t say being a security expert was what he wanted, either, but at least he was out of the military and would have time to pursue other interests.
He would be lying if he said there wasn’t a horrible sense of guilt at leaving. He had friends over there on the front lines—most specifically Jeb Anderson, whom he’d gone through ROTC with—and coming home, out of the line of fire, felt wrong in a way that he couldn’t accurately describe.
And the horrible part? The part that made him sick to his stomach with guilt, regret and shame?
He was glad to be home. Thankful to be out of the line of fire.
He’d had nightmares the first few months after he’d taken the hit—hits actually, four right into his shoulder, shredding the muscle, nicking an artery, shattering the bone—and the only thing that had helped was the stray dog that had attached itself to him on his way to the car after therapy one day.
A scraggly big-eared mutt Lex had named Honey because of her golden color. She’d been dirty and half-starved and she’d looked at him with the most haunted and hopeless big brown eyes and he hadn’t thought twice about taking her home. She’d spent the first night on the rug next to his bed and, following a particularly horrible nightmare, had moved into the bed, against his back. Within a week, the dreams had stopped and there was something about her reassuring presence—knowing that they’d sort of saved each other—that made him feel like he was on his way to a recovery of sorts.
He’d always been an animal lover and inevitably ended up caring for the various strays on whatever base he was living. Having the dog to talk to, when he didn’t want to talk to anyone else, having the dog to take for walks and care for, had helped him in ways that he wasn’t even sure he could put into words. She’d loved him—unconditionally and quietly—and the difference she’d made in his world was phenomenal.
Thankfully Payne had assured him that the apartment that came with his unbelievably generous employment package was pet-friendly, and he also hadn’t had any objections to Lex taking Honey along with him on this first assignment. Naturally Lex knew there were going to be times when he’d need to find someone to keep her for him and, as an added bonus, Payne had mentioned that his wife was a vet and would be happy to board the dog when the need arose.
Overall, despite the guilt and the injury—his shoulder wasn’t ever going to be right again—Lex felt like he was closer to being where he should be than he’d been in a very long time. And rather than doing what was expected or what he knew would meet with approval, he was going to find his ultimate purpose and pursue it with as much energy as he could. Did that mean he intended this to be a transition job, that he’d hired on with the intent of leaving? No. But he was never again going to be so wedded to a career that he couldn’t make the most of his life.
As a result of almost dying on the battlefield, he had a whole new appreciation for life, and wanted to live it to the fullest. Every choice, every decision—from what he had for breakfast to what he was going to do with the rest of his life—held infinitely more significance.
Almost dying would do that to you. Among other things…
“You’re all settled into your apartment?” Payne asked.
“Yes.” It was very nice and, lucky for him, fully furnished. The place had been outfitted with every possible convenience. Much like the “boardroom” they were currently in, it had state-of-the-art appliances and electronics and had been decorated with an eclectic mix of old and new. The old had more than likely come from Bess Cantrell, he realized now. The cabinets and fridge had been stocked with essentials and a bottle of Jameson—a gift from Jamie—had been on his counter.
The apartment had previously belonged to Seth McCutcheon, who had recently married and moved into his new bride’s house in Marietta. Evidently he made the drive into Atlanta when necessary, but otherwise, mostly worked from home. Lex hadn’t met him yet, but everyone else spoke highly of him.
Despite the fact that he’d lived in different places all over the world, Lex had to admit that the South would always be home. Originally he was from Blue Creek, Alabama—a sweet little town that sat right on the banks of the Tennessee River—but Atlanta was a mere four-hour drive. He hadn’t been this close to home since he’d graduated high school, and while he didn’t have any desire to move back—they practically rolled up the streets at five o’clock—he did like the fact that he could make a quick run over for Sunday dinner and that he would be close enough to visit his parents, and his sister and her children, for holidays and the occasional barbecue.
All the things he’d missed, Lex thought with an inward sigh.
“Are you satisfied with the employment package?” Jamie asked.
Lex smiled. “Quite.”
“You’ll earn it,” Guy told him. “We offer an extremely specialized service and, as such, our clients pay accordingly. Without our former Rangers—some of the best-trained soldiers in the world, as you know—we couldn’t offer a fraction of the expertise that we do.”
In other words they needed him and were only paying him what they thought he was worth. He just hoped he didn’t disappoint them. Before he’d been shot he wouldn’t have had a problem accepting such an amount, but now…
“If we didn’t think you were able to do this job, we wouldn’t have hired you,” Payne said, his cool blue eyes missing nothing. “We’ve reviewed your discharge papers, looked at the medical report. We’re confident that you’re going to be able to meet the physical requirements of the job.”
Lex released a small breath and nodded. “If I ever reach a point where I can’t, then you can rest assured that I’ll tell you. I’d never compromise an assignment for my pride.” He grinned and shot them a look. “Much as I might want to,” he added.
McCann laughed and the other two chuckled. “I think it’s safe to say that’s something we could all identify with.”
Lex released a pent-up breath. “So when do I get started?”
“Now,” Payne told him. He handed him the file. “The address is on the front. You’ve got a GPS, right?”
He nodded.
