from her face. “Nothing. I don’t want to talk about it.”
He wasn’t about to let up. His stubborn streak was stronger than hers. “You better tell me. If you don’t, I’m going to stay here day and night, bugging you for an answer.”
“Why can’t you just drop it?”
“Because I don’t like seeing you this way.” He wanted the old Sophie back, the woman who didn’t freak out about everything.
She fell silent, and he waited for her to respond. Communication had never been a problem for them before.
Finally, she grimaced and said, “Earlier, when I was at your house, I had this crazy notion about you being the donor. It actually crossed my mind.”
“Really?” He should have panicked, but somehow he didn’t. If anything, he felt weirdly, wonderfully flattered.
She squinted at him. “Don’t sit there looking so smug, not after telling me how cool your offspring would be.”
“Sorry.” He tried to seem less macho, even if he was still feeling his masculine oats. “I shouldn’t have pushed it that far, but you were right about me being jealous. I don’t like you searching for the perfect guy.” He shrugged, still playing down his machismo. “I’m honored that you thought of me, though.”
She got up and strode to the other side of the room. “It was the most insane idea I’ve ever had.” She stopped and sent him a dubious look. “You’re not thinking it could be possible between us, are you?”
“I don’t know.” His mind was whirring, the gears spinning inside his head.
She stood near a bookcase packed with Western novels her dad used to read. Suddenly, she seemed so small and lost—a woman alone, missing her family.
“It’ll be okay, Soph,” he said.
She glanced up. “What will?”
“You finding the right donor and having the baby you want.” Tommy considered the possibility of getting involved. Could he become her donor for real? Since he was on the road more than he was home, he would rarely see her or the child. That would make things easier for all of them, he supposed, with her being the sole parent. But he needed to be sure that the rules wouldn’t change on down the line, that she would never ask more of him than he was capable of giving. “Let’s say for the sake of argument that you did use me. Would it be a permanent agreement, with no expectations or daddy duties from me?”
“Yes, but you being the donor isn’t going to happen. So why are we even talking about it?”
Flooded with feelings he couldn’t deny, he went over to her. “Maybe it’s supposed to be me. Maybe I’m the guy who’s meant to do it.”
She looked shocked. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Yes, I do.” He knew exactly the direction he was taking, and somewhere deep inside, it felt right. “You’ve always been there when I needed you, working day and night, devoting yourself to my career. And as much as I’m going to miss you managing my tours and being on the road with me, it would be nice to know that I participated in making your baby dreams come true.”
She looked as if she might cry. “That’s really nice, Tommy, but you’re making me feel vulnerable right now.” She backed away from him. “And I have to keep my wits about me.”
Had he already lost his? Offering himself up like that? His heart was beating triple time.
“Do you even know what being a donor entails?” she asked.
He gestured to the monitor, which had gone black. “I know as much as the guys on those websites do.”
“But this is different. We’re not strangers. In our case, there would be a lot more to consider, particularly with how entwined our lives are. I understand that you aren’t interested in playing an active role as the father. I’m good with that, too. I want to be a solo mom. But would we tell the child who you are at some point? Or would you prefer to be completely anonymous, with no one ever knowing it was you?” She set her mouth in a grim line. “I couldn’t make those types of decisions for you.”
“And I can’t make them on the spot.” He understood there was a lot at stake, legal and emotional issues that could impact the future. He wasn’t taking this lightly. “I need time to mull over the details, and once I’ve thought them through, we can discuss it further.”
“It’s just all so much.” She seemed scared, uncertain if he could handle it.
He encouraged her to give him a chance. “Why don’t we sleep on it tonight, and in the morning, we can both see how we feel?”
“Okay.” She backed herself against the bookcase. “There’s no harm in that, I guess.”
He didn’t move forward or invade her space. He kept a formal distance, even if he ached to press his body against hers. “I am sure of one thing. If I’m your donor, I don’t want to use artificial insemination. I want to make that baby the natural way.”
When her breath hitched, he knew that he’d just sent a surge of good old-fashioned lust through her blood. At least he had that in his favor.
“I don’t know, Tommy. I just don’t...”
He tried to help her relax by saying, “You don’t have to decide now. I’m not trying to rush you. But I’m not going to pretend that I don’t want to be with you, either.”
“I’m more than aware that you’ve always wanted us to be lovers. And you know that I’ve always been attracted to you, too. But this is a lot to consider.”
“Just think it over, and I’ll see you tomorrow.” Before she made an attempt to fall into step with him, he added, “There’s no need to walk me out.” He knew the way to her front door.
She nodded and let him go, without another word between them.
Sophie barely slept a wink. She’d spent most of the night wondering what to do. And now, at the crack of dawn, she stood in the kitchen sipping her second cup of coffee with unanswered questions still swirling in her mind. Should she refuse Tommy’s offer and choose another donor? Would having a baby by him be too complicated or would it make the process easier? And then there was the sex. Should she give up the fight and sleep with him or keep it professional and insist on insemination?
So much uncertainty, she thought. So much she’d yet to figure out. But maybe all of her worrying and wondering would be for nothing. Maybe Tommy would revoke his offer, and the decision to use another donor would be made for her.
Preparing for that possible outcome, she retrieved her laptop and went into the dining room. Settling in for a brand-new search, she logged on to a different site from the one she and Tommy had used.
After sitting there for what seemed like forever, she glanced at the vintage cowgirl clock on the wall. Two hours had passed, and she hadn’t found anyone who seemed right. Now that the donors were in direct competition with Tommy, she couldn’t help comparing them to him.
Sophie heaved a sigh and reconsidered the musical-theater guy from
