the night with him had been that first night.
But that paled in comparison to another matter.
Tonight was their one-month anniversary.
At least it had been. Now after midnight, the day had passed.
And Rashid hadn’t asked her to marry him again.
She’d remained on pins and needles all day, thinking he’d say something during their late lunch. He hadn’t. Then at dinner, he’d invited Mira along and had so far said nothing.
Because Mira was around? Why invite her if she’d cramp his style? What did it all mean?
Had he rethought his offer? Decided it had been rushed and rash? With her being so free with her favors, maybe he thought he’d been wrong to worry about her “honor” when she wasn’t worried about it herself. Maybe he thought he should just enjoy what they had.
She’d want that, too, as long as it was long-term. But what if his change of heart meant that whatever he thought they had wouldn’t last long? What if he started winding down gradually to an inevitable end? Maybe he’d made that decision early on, and that was why he’d been adamant about her not moving in or even staying the occasional night. Maybe he didn’t want to cloak their intimacies in any kind of permanence.
She tried to shake off her doubts, listen to the almost one-sided conversation between Mira and Rashid. She couldn’t.
He pulled up to their building and said good-night to Mira, who responded with the self-possession of a starstruck schoolgirl, before she exited the car, murmuring for Laylah to take her time.
She didn’t. After a kiss that she initiated and he ended too soon, Rashid said that he had to rush away.
She stood on the sidewalk watching him drive off, feeling a chill that had nothing to do with the weather creeping into her bones. She hadn’t thought twice about what it meant any other night when he’d dropped her at her place and driven off. But tonight…
Could it be he didn’t realize what tonight was?
No. No way. Rashid forgot nothing. And since he’d said nothing, maybe he just had nothing to say.
It was a long time after he’d disappeared that she’d dejectedly turned and entered the building.
Unable to face Mira again, she waited outside their apartment, struggling with tears, until she heard silence inside.
Once in her room, she rushed into the shower, dissolved the hot tears she could no longer hold back in hotter water, as suspicions overtook her thoughts.
Why had he insisted on Mira’s presence tonight of all nights? Had he needed her as a buffer against any possibility of intimacy? Today had been the first day without any form of that. Had he considered today, instead of being the beginning of a new phase in their relationship, to be the beginning of the end? Had her prophecy come to pass? A month in her company had been more than enough, and she’d started to grate on him?
But last night he’d made love to her with as much hunger as ever. Was that not enough anymore, and being the chivalrous knight that he was, he was trying to find a painless way out of this mess? What would she do if this was true?
After a night in a hell of uncertainty, morning brought with it the searing light of realization. Why Rashid was pulling away.
It had to be because she’d told him she loved him.
At first, it had been in the throes of passion, then gradually afterward she’d said it at every opportunity. She hadn’t worried when he hadn’t said it back. She’d thought it had been too soon for him, but she had been certain it was coming.
What if, instead of being truthful with him about her emotions, as she’d thought she should be, she’d only pressured him? And his response to her fervor, when he believed he couldn’t reciprocate it, was to pull away?
Unable to hold back anymore, anxiety and urgency eating through her restraint, she snatched her phone up, dialed his number.
He picked up on the second ring. She recognized the background sounds. He was in his car.
“Laylah—”
She cut him off before he could say anything more. “I didn’t… didn’t mean anything when I said I loved you. Please, just forget I said it.”
A cacophony of sounds was all Rashid heard after Laylah told him to forget she’d told him she loved him.
It wasn’t until a policeman knocked on his window that Rashid realized the noise was a storm of honking.
He’d braked in the middle of the street.
He didn’t remember ending the call with her, or what exactly he said to the policeman. He only knew he found himself parked in front of the entrance of her building, staring up at her window, one thing pummeling through him.
She’d come to her senses.
He’d been dreading she would. Almost waiting for her to.
He shouldn’t have waited. He should have pushed for marriage sooner. But he’d been terrified he’d scare her away, yet it had been hell trying to pull back. But it had also been a heaven he hadn’t known existed, being with her. Being loved by her.
For she had loved him. Her love had been so pure and intense, had permeated him from her every touch and word and action, he’d basked in its unbelievable blessing with every breath. He hadn’t known how or why she’d loved him, but she had.
He’d been trying to tell himself that, with Laylah being so overt about her emotions, when she agreed to marry him, no one would suspect that their marriage was not for the right reasons. That it would serve his purpose, get him everything he’d planned.
But with every hour in her company, every other consideration had ceased to exist. Nothing mattered anymore but her. Everything from her, with her, had overwhelmed him, undone him. With her he’d finally understood what happiness was.
But he’d left it too late. Even when he’d done everything in his power to stop her from realizing the truth about him, time had exposed him to her for what he was. A damaged, dangerous monster.
What had he expected? He shouldn’t have been in her heart in the first place. He didn’t deserve to be there.
Without knowing how, he found himself on her apartment doorstep just as she opened her door.
A huge gasp escaped her at the sight of him, the streams of tears already pouring down her face thickening.
Feeling sorry for him? Regretting that she had to let him down?
He couldn’t bear for her to feel bad. Never on his account. He’d sacrifice anything for her to never shed another tear.
Before he could say anything, she
