How impossibly cruel that this little child was not only motherless but blind as well. It was so tragic, so unbearable to think that Leo’s little girl couldn’t see the world around her, not even the faces of the people she loved.
How devastating for him as a father. How gut-wrenching to think of all the obstacles that little mite would face over her lifetime. All the things she would miss out on or not be able to enjoy as others enjoyed them. The beauty of the world she would never see. It was so sad, so tragic it made Eliza’s heart ache for Leo. It made her ache for the little toddler who lived in a world of blackness. ‘I’m sorry…I didn’t realize…’
‘Will you tell me a story?’ Alessandra piped up from the changing table.
‘Of course,’ Eliza said. ‘But after that you have to go back to sleep.’ Oh, dear God, how did the little babe even know it was night? Anguish squeezed the breath out of her chest. She felt as if she was being suffocated by it. How had Leo coped with such a tragic blow? Was that why his wife had ended her life? Had it been too much for her to cope with a child who was blind?
The agency girl, Laura, came in at that point. ‘Oh, sorry,’ she said. ‘Is she awake? I thought she’d settled for the night.’
‘My daughter’s bed needs changing,’ Leo said curtly.
‘I’ll see to it,’ Laura said and rushed over to the cot.
Eliza had finished the business end of things with Alessandra and gathered her up in her arms again. ‘I have just the story for you,’ she said and carried her back to the freshly made up cot. ‘Do you like dogs?’
‘Yes, but Papà won’t let me have a puppy,’ Alessandra said in a baleful tone. ‘He said I have to wait until I’m older. I don’t want to wait until I’m older. I want one now.’
‘I’m sure he knows what’s best for you,’ Eliza said. ‘Now, let’s get you settled in bed before I start my story.’
‘Where’s Kathleen?’ Alessandra asked. ‘Why isn’t she here? I want Kathleen. I want her now!’ Those little heels began to drum against the mattress of the cot.
‘I told you she had a family emergency to see to,’ Leo said.
‘But I want her here with me!’ Alessandra said, starting to wail again.
Eliza could see that Alessandra was a very bright child who was used to pushing against the boundaries. It was common after the death of a parent for the remaining parent or other carers to overcompensate for their loss. It was just as common for a child with a disability to be treated the same way. The little girl was used to being the centre of attention and used every opportunity she could to grasp at power.
‘Kathleen is going to be away for the next month,’ she said. ‘But I think it might be nice if Papà gets her to call you on the phone while she’s away.’
‘Does she miss me?’
‘I’m sure she does,’ Eliza said. ‘Now, let’s get those feet of yours still and relaxed, otherwise my story won’t come out to play.’
‘How long are you staying?’ Alessandra asked.
Eliza glanced at Leo but his expression was as blank as a mask. ‘Let’s not worry about that just now,’ she said. ‘The important thing is that you get back to sleep. Now, let’s see how this goes. Once upon a time there was a little dog who loved to chase…’
‘Asleep?’ Leo asked as Eliza joined him downstairs a few minutes later.
‘Yes.’ She came over to where he was standing and looked up at him with a frown. ‘Why on earth didn’t you tell me?’
‘I did tell you.’
‘I meant right from the start.’
‘Touché and all that.’ He gave an indifferent shrug of one broad shoulder before he took a sip from the drink he was holding.
Eliza gave him a cross look. ‘You should’ve told me at the beginning.’
‘Would it have influenced your decision in taking up the post?’
‘No, but I would’ve liked to know what I’m dealing with. I could’ve prepared myself better.’ I could have got all this confusing emotion out of the way so I could think straight.
‘Yes, well, life doesn’t always give one the chance to prepare for what it has in store.’
Tell me about it, Eliza thought. ‘She’s a lovely child but clearly a little headstrong.’
His look was brittle. ‘Are you saying I’m a bad parent?’
‘Of course not,’ she said. ‘It’s very clear you love her as any good parent should. It’s just that it seems she’s in control of everyone who has anything to do with her. That’s very stressful for young children. She needs to know who is in charge. It’s especially important for a child with special needs. How long has she—?’
‘She’s been blind from birth.’
Eliza felt her heart tighten all over again. It was a cramped ache deep in her chest. ‘That must have been a huge blow to you and your wife.’ How she hated having to say those words—your wife.
‘It was. Giulia never quite got her head around it. She blamed herself.’
‘It seems to me every mother blames herself no matter what the circumstances.’
‘Perhaps, but in Giulia’s case it was particularly difficult. She thought she was being punished for setting me up.’
‘Did you blame her?’ Eliza asked.
His brows came together over his dark eyes. ‘Of course not. It was no one’s fault. Alessandra was premature. She has retrolental hyperplasia. It was previously thought to be caused by an excess of oxygen in perinatal care but there’s divided opinion between specialists on that now. It’s also called ROP. Retinopathy of Prematurity.’
‘Can nothing be done?’ Eliza asked. ‘There are advances happening in medicine all the time. Surely there’s something that can be done for her?’
‘There is nothing anyone can do. Alessandra can only distinguish light from dark. She is legally and permanently blind.’
Eliza could hear the pain in his voice but it was even more notable in his expression. No wonder those grey hairs had formed at his temples, and no wonder his eyes and mouth were etched with those lines. What parent could receive such news about their child without it tearing them apart both physically and emotionally?
‘I’m so very sorry. I can’t imagine how tough this has been for you and will no doubt continue to be.’
‘I want the best for my daughter.’ His expression was taut with determination. ‘There is nothing I won’t do to make sure she has a happy and fulfilled life.’
Eliza wasn’t quite sure what role she was meant to play in order to give Alessandra the best possible chance in life. The child had suffered enough disruption already without
