But Johnny could resist her, where she could not resist him. And that was killing her.
The door swung open. Her heart leaped. It was Johnny. She wanted to smile from ear to ear, but she couldn’t. That wasn’t like her.
He closed the door behind him and turned off the light. She couldn’t see him, but she could feel the cast of moonlight on her. He walked right to her and kissed her. They fell backward onto the couch, and he pulled off his shirt before pulling off hers.
“I thought you weren’t going to come,” she whispered.
“I couldn’t stay away.”
“I don’t understand why you can’t just say you’re sorry.”
“Okay, I’m sorry.”
“Like you mean it.”
Johnny laughed and glared at her. “I’m so sorry. I’ll never call you by your full name again.”
“Good.”
Becca and Johnny were lying in his bed. His roommate had gone home for Thanksgiving, and Becca had snuck in an hour ago. There was hardly anyone on the hall.
She flipped over and propped herself up on her elbows. “Tell me something, Johnny.”
“Tell you what?”
“Something. Anything. Tell me something no one knows.”
He raised his eyebrows. “I don’t really have any secrets.”
She gave him a look.
“Fine,” he said, thinking. “I’ve always wanted to join the Marines.”
“Why?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve got two cousins in the Marines and they love it. I mean, it’s a good thing to do, and it’s gotta be such a thrill.”
“No … you can’t do that. You’ll die!”
“Hopefully not. Max always talks about it, too.”
“Don’t talk about Max.”
They were silent for a few seconds. They both knew that what they were doing was wrong. But for this one weekend, they were playing pretend.
“Why don’t you just become a doctor or something? Save lives but don’t risk your own.”
“I don’t know. It’s just something I’ve always thought about doing. If I were to do it, it would be the most independent choice I’ll have ever made. My parents want me to do the typical follow-in-your-dad’s-footsteps thing, and I don’t.”
“I don’t accept.” She draped herself over his stomach. “You’ll have to just become a rich doctor and I’ll stay at home with my Pomeranians. I’ll leave the house, sure, but only to go to happy hour.”
He laughed. “Not Pomeranians. German shepherds. Labs. Something else. None of those yappy little cotton balls.”
“We’ll just have to see.” She smiled, and then looked very seriously at him. “Like, what if something happened to me? What if I died tragically or was kidnapped or something?”
“What about it?”
“Well, I mean would you cry? Would you weep uncontrollably and go insane with missing me?”
“Yes, I’d probably never take a happy breath again.”
“Good.”
“What about you?”
“Don’t be stupid, Johnny.” She gave him a devilish smile. “Now kiss me.”
chapter 17 me
A FEW WEEKS PASSED. MAX AND I MET ALMOST every night. No one had seen us. No one knew but us. We hadn’t said aloud that we were keeping it to ourselves, but that’s what we were doing. We never spoke about Becca. But we were the only ones.
The rumor had circled around to my ears that Becca was pregnant. That she was off being pregnant and waiting to give birth. Everyone seemed to assume that if she was doing this, she was giving up the baby for adoption.
“Do you really believe that’s where she is?” I asked Blake, as we sat in the dining hall one evening, when someone had already brought it up again. For once, there was decent food—Wisconsin Cheddar Beer Soup. I was on my third bowl.
She took a sip from her Sprite and shrugged. “I don’t know. Dana seems to know more than she lets on. That’s all I know.”
“Maybe that’s what she knows.” My chest hardened as I envisioned her coming back and presenting a child to Max.
“Well … let’s see. If it is that … then she would have to have gotten pregnant like … April or May. And then she’d be having the baby in like … January or February. Right?” She counted off the months on her fingers.
“So you think that’s something she’d do? Just not contact anyone here?”
“I would have thought she’d talk to someone. But I don’t know. She was hard to figure out. And who knows, maybe she has contacted someone but told them not to tell anyone. They’d probably listen to her.”
I nodded.
“It’s just really weird. It’s like … how can she possibly be alive? But then … how can she be dead?”
“No one really seems to think that, though, do they? That she’s dead?”
“I don’t think anyone knows what to think. She’s so unpredictable that she could be doing anything. She could come back at any moment. But then, the cops have pretty much given up.”
She looked over my shoulder, and for a moment I thought I was going to turn and see Her. But it was Max.
He nodded a hello to Blake, and then looked at me.
“I know you’re eating, but I’d like to talk to you, if you want to come sit with me. I know it’s rude.”
“Yeah, that’s fine. We can go now.”
I stood up with my tray, and said goodbye to Blake. She gave me a questioning look that I had to ignore.
I followed him, my heart pounding the whole way, to a table. His jacket was slung over the back of the chair he sat in. I sat, too.
“I just want to talk to you, I guess.” He looked at me with hardened eyes. “How are you doing? I mean really, is everything okay?”
“Sure, everything is fine, why?”
“Don’t lie to me. You can tell me if anything is up.”
“Everything
