long ago, Lord Radthorn. You have no hold over me. Or I over you.” She touched his cheek, glad of the kidskin guarding against his warmth, the feel of his skin, yet it still cost her to touch him. Cost her more pain. More sense of loss. “I’m sorry if this comes as a surprise.”
“Grandmother,” he said. “She said something. How dare she?” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I never should have taken you there.”
“No,” she said coolly. “You should not have.” The hopes for great grandchildren the dear old dowager had expressed with such a look of longing in her face and not a smidgeon of malice had brought Elizabeth up short. Made her look at her life. And the deeper she looked, the more she realized the wrong she was doing. She and John had become too easy with each other. Too comfortable. A man in his position had duties. And he deserved to find love. And a woman he could marry.
Sadly, she could not be that woman. Not with her tarnished reputation. Their time together had been wonderful, and she had known all this from the start. Over time she’d just forgotten. They’d been so happy.
She’d even thought about having his child. Making them a family. It wouldn’t be fair. Not to him or the children. So this must be done.
“You took me to a family party.” The laugh came a little easier. A little harder. The perfect note for one such as she. “The height of dullness. Boring. You have become boring.”
He recoiled from her cold words, looking at her as if he no longer recognized her, confusion filling his face. “I’ve always treated you with respect, if that is what you mean. If you find that dull—” his voice became hard “—then there is no more to be said. When you find a suitable candidate for your bed, do not hesitate to request a letter of reference, should one be required.”
If her gentle reasonable John was lashing out, then she had hurt him deeply. Her heart longed to offer comfort. She must not. It would be better for them both if he stayed angry. “You are generous to a fault, as always,” she said with calm practicality, retrieving her overnight valise from the floor. “But it will not be required. I will be staying with Miss Barnhurst until my plans are finalized. You can expect her footman to call for the luggage sometime tomorrow.”
The door knocker banged.
“My carriage,” she said calmly.
John, looking grim, opened the door and bowed her out.
“No need to see me off,” she said, praying he wouldn’t insist. The tears welling in her throat might not remain dammed for much longer.
It would be a disaster if he saw tears.
John stared into his glass of brandy. “I still can’t believe it.”
Lord Robert Mountford, sitting opposite shook his head. “How long is it you have been together?”
John thought back to the first time he met her. A beautiful young widow, with golden hair and the joy of life in her bright blue eyes. She’d rented a box at the opera. As good as put a sign over her head. Destitute widow available to the right man. Word had rippled through the ranks of the male members of the ton, bachelors and husbands alike. But he’d won her. They’d liked each other on sight. He’d seduced her not with riches, for he was by no means the wealthiest male knocking at her door, but with the respect she’d so clearly deserved. Despite her being three years older than him, he’d wooed her into his bed. She’d been his goddess.
Was she right? Had he really become dull and boring? “Five years.” He remembered the day as if it was yesterday when he’d taken her to that small house on the edge of town and made his offer of a carte blanche. She’d flung her arms around his neck and kissed him. You would have thought he’d offered her the moon.
“It is probably time you married and got yourself an heir, anyway,” Robert said, staring moodily into his glass.
“Since when did you concern yourself with family duties?” he said pointedly. “What are your plans now? Not returning to the family fold, I assume?”
Robert’s expression turned grim. “Not a chance. I thought I’d go to America.”
“You mother won’t like that.”
His dark eyes flashed fire. “What are you going to do about Elizabeth?”
John let Robert change the subject, because that was what friends did. And Robert had been tormented enough for one day. “What can I do? She wants more excitement. I’ve sent around a bank draft as promised in our contract.” He took a deep breath as a vision danced in his head. “And I’ll kill any man who goes anywhere near her.” But he wouldn’t, not if that was what she wanted.
Robert gave a crack of a laugh. “It is going to be odd seeing one of you without the other.”
“In other words, we were as dull as an old married couple.” His chest tightened as he echoed Elizabeth’s words. He never imagined she could hurt him quite so much. Or that she would ever leave.
Robert grimaced.
“Damn it all, Robert, it was good. Or I thought it was. Years ago, when we first met, she said she would never marry again. Now I know why. She clearly prefers variety.”
Robert downed a huge swallow of brandy. “So she’s ready to move on. To find someone new to light her fires.” He shrugged. “I guess you let the flames go out.”
John shot to his feet. “Damn you, Robert. I did not let—” Had he? Wasn’t that what Lizzie had said? The spark is gone. Then why did he care? Why did he, every time he thought of her with another man, want to choke the life out of someone?
Robert peered up at him. “Never take a woman for granted, John,” he said glumly. “Don’t forget to send her diamonds or pearls or she’ll be calling you a skinflint behind your back.”
If he didn’t leave soon, it might be his best friend he murdered. “Thanks for the advice. Will I see you tomorrow?”
Robert downed the last of his brandy. “Likely not. There is nothing for me here. I’ve an interview with my mother in the morning, then I’m gone.”
“So having debauched an innocent, you are just going to walk away. I thought better of you.”
Robert glared at him. “Look to your own house before you poke your nose in mine.”
Not one to be easily aroused to temper, John was shocked at the ire burning in his chest. The fury running though his veins. He glared at his best friend. “Then I wish you the best of luck. If you can ever bend that stiff neck of yours enough to ask for help, you will always find it at my door.”
He threw a few coins on the table and stomped out of the disreputable inn where Robert had taken rooms.
Now what? He glanced up and down the street. This area really was unpleasant and he’d be wise to take a hackney home. Except he didn’t want to go home.
The thought of his neat little townhouse without Elizabeth’s smiling face and delectable body didn’t hold any allure. Then he’d go to the Bedford Square town house. His official residence. A place he only set foot in once or twice a year. He’d order up the best wine from the cellars and see how many bottles it took before the pain in his chest subsided.
