the guilt and misery that had made her prickly and skeptical and robbed her of so much joy through the years.
“There isn’t much to tell,” she said almost thoughtfully. She told him how she’d come home from school and found Gabe at her boardinghouse. “I was so lonely and homesick, and it was so good to see a familiar face...” Her voice trailed away. “I invited him in and we had lemonade.
“As he was leaving, he asked me to dinner the next night and we spent every day together after I got home from school,” she said, allowing long-suppressed memories their freedom. “He brought me flowers from a street vendor, took me out to eat at fancy restaurants, bought me trinkets and told me all sorts of wonderful, fantastic stories of the places he’d been and hoped to go.”
Her tears ran freely as the memories continued to tumble out. “He teased me, and it was—” she gave a huge hiccuping sob “—so nice to laugh. Every evening, he insisted I tell him about what I’d done and what I’d learned. He was just so encouraging, both about my studies and...just everything. I told him all about my dearest hopes and dreams.”
She took the handkerchief Edward offered, mopped at her eyes and blew her running nose.
“He made me believe that all of those hopes and dreams could come true. I fell in love with him,” she said, summing everything up in those few words. “I’m sure you can figure out the rest.”
“I think I understand,” Edward said when she ran out of words. “Your upbringing gave you little or no defense. You had no idea how to guard your heart. So tell me why he left. Did you quarrel?”
Rachel shook her head. “Nothing like that. I thought things were going along just fine. And then I came home from school one day, and he’d left a note with Mrs. Abernathy that said a friend had caught up with him and talked him into taking a paddle wheeler to New Orleans. It was supposed to be great fun, and he’d always wanted to go there. He said the next time he was in town, he’d look me up and we’d go to dinner.”
“That’s it?” Edward said, with a look of disbelief.
“Oh, no. He said it had been a fun few weeks and that he’d never forget me.”
She laughed, but there was no joy in the sound. “I was so ashamed,” she said in an anguished whisper. “I’d ruined my whole life. That was bad enough, but when I found out I was going to have a baby, I was terrified. I thought I’d figured out a way that no one would ever find out. Then Sarah showed up and sent all my plans tumbling down.”
Tears spilled down Rachel’s cheeks. “I know bearing my shame was hard for you and Mother, especially after I came home, and I know my actions are what brought on her death, but I want to thank you for never once throwing it back in my face and for...for making me...k-keep Danny.” She choked on another sob.
Edward gave her hand an awkward pat. “Your mother had a heart condition, Rachel. Her health had been going downhill for more than a year. Her passing so soon after you came back was just an unfortunate coincidence. She loved you and she adored Danny.”
He smiled. “And as for that young scamp, I hope I didn’t make you do anything. I hope I just encouraged you to do what you really wanted. I know you well, my precious girl, and I don’t believe you’d have been able to live with yourself if you’d given him up. And selfishly, I couldn’t bear the thought of strangers bringing up my flesh and blood—or worse, him being put into an orphanage and never knowing the joys of real family. He’s a delight, Rachel. I can’t imagine life without him.”
“Neither can I.”
“Besides,” he added, “I’ve never been one to think that two wrongs make a right.”
For long moments, the fire popped and crackled while Rachel worked at regaining her composure.
“What do you plan to do now?” Edward asked, at last.
“Do? About what?”
“Gabe. How do you feel about him after all this time?”
“Nothing,” she snapped. “I plan to do nothing and I feel nothing but anger toward him. I hope and pray that he’ll leave town again as soon as he’s able, which will suit me just fine.”
“And if he doesn’t? It will certainly be a test, won’t it? How long do you think it will take before he figures things out?”
Rachel’s face drained of color. “What are you saying?”
There was no compromise in Edward’s eyes. “You need to tell Gabe the truth. Danny, too.”
Her horrified gaze met his. “I can’t!”
“Listen to me, Rachel. You need to tell Danny before someone else sees the resemblance and starts spreading it around town. Believe me, as hard as it may be, he’ll be much better off hearing the truth from you than someone else. They both will.”
Chapter Two
Christmas Eve morning dawned crisp and cold. Just as dawn was breaking, Rachel rose from the cot beside Gabe’s bed and lit the lamp.
He had rested well in his laudanum-induced sleep, but she had not been so blessed. Sleep had eluded her, as thoughts and recollections tumbled round and round in her mind like colorful fragments in a kaleidoscope. Besides a jumble of troubling memories, her mind replayed the conversation with her father again and again.
She couldn’t believe how light her heart felt since sharing the secret she’d carried alone for so long. Who would have thought that something that seemed so small could weigh so heavily on a heart? She would be eternally grateful that her father’s love and support had not wavered, even after learning the truth.
She knew Edward was right about telling Danny about Gabe, yet the very thought of doing so filled her with dread. How would she find the words? What would Danny say...and think?
She stoked the dying fire and went to see how Gabe was doing, busying herself with changing his bandages and checking his temperature. Her ministering seemed to agitate him, and he began to move about. When she tried to restrain him, he cried out and opened his eyes. Thankfully she saw no recollection there, no wicked, teasing gleam, nothing but agony. The doctor in her wanted him to be pain free and improve under her care; the woman in her shrank from the moment he would open his eyes and look up at her with recognition.
What would he see when he awakened? What would he think when he saw her for the first time in nine years? She turned toward the mirror hanging above the washstand, drawn to it like a June bug to the light. Her reflection wavered in the flickering light of the oil lamp.
She stared at herself for long moments and then, womanlike, rubbed at her forehead with her fingertips as if she could massage away the few slight creases she saw there, lines etched by her deep concern for her patients.
Exposure to the elements in all sorts of weather had tanned her face and hands despite the bonnet she wore, and squinting against the sun had left tiny lines at the corners of her eyes. Despite regular treatments of lemon juice, a faint spattering of freckles dotted her nose.
Age and Danny’s birth had added a few pounds, but according to her father, it was weight she needed. Strangely, her face was thinner than it had been nine years ago, refined by age and life.
She
