going to be across the country from each other in the fall. This is going to happen either now or later. I don’t think either of us needs to be tied down. I just need some time to adjust to that. But I don’t want to lose you in the process.”
He leans back, inspecting me as if my nose was about to grow ten inches long. “You’re serious about the friends thing?”
“Yes,” I say. “I just want to be free this summer. It’s our last summer before we move on with our lives.” I want to touch him, somehow reassure him, but I don’t want to lead him on. Instead, I wait.
His frown deepens. “The only way I think this can work is if you don’t see anyone this summer.”
I sigh. I don’t have any intention of hooking up with anyone but he has no right to keep restrictions on me. “Carter, I can’t promise that. This is us moving on. If you’re with someone—” The thought makes my stomach turn, something I will eventually get over. I did it before. “I won’t be upset.”
His nostrils flare. “Fine. Do what you want with anyone. Anyone but him. If you want me to believe you, you can at least promise me that.”
The thought of being with Will presses against my chest. Carter was right. It was a fantasy years ago, but when he left it took a while to heal. I not only lost my best friend but my heart in the process. I couldn’t do it again. “Yes, okay.”
His hand touches mine briefly and a lightness surges in my stomach. “Friends.”
I smile. “Thank you.”
His mouth quirks up but his eyes are intense. For a second I think he’s going to kiss me. But Lily pulls me away, breaking the spell.
I exhale, saved by the best friend. It was easier to deal with the breakup when I was thousands of miles away on a boat, but having Carter inches away from me made me question my choices. If I had waited until the end of the summer, he wouldn’t have quit and all would be right in the world. I might have seen Will but he probably would have been in and out of town before I could blink. I wasn’t sure which situation was better.
Dad returns and starts in on the instructions for the first activity. He insisted that icebreakers were the key to building the foundation for a strong team. Every other year I was happy enough to do them, but what I wanted most at that moment was to be anywhere but there.
***
The next two hours fly by in a flurry of silly games and trust exercises and, when it’s over, I can’t escape fast enough. When I get outside I can breathe for the first time since seeing Will. That is, until I see his truck parked right behind Lily’s car. I completely forgot that I didn’t drive this morning and I’ll have to wait for her. But I’m not going back in that building.
“Screw this,” I mumble.
I sprint across the parking lot toward the playground. My tense muscles relax with each step and I slow my pace. Even though it was the last place I saw Will years ago, it still provided comfort as it always had. A place to reflect on a simpler time. As kids Will, Ethan and I would cut through the woods to get to the swings and battle who could get the highest arc or jump the farthest. Swinging always helped clear my head and at that moment I needed clarity. I plop down into the seat of the swing and sway using my heels as an anchor.
That morning I was excited for what was supposed to be the most memorable summer of my life and it only took one look at Will and that hope shattered. Maybe I should have taken a few summer classes in the city like Mom suggested. I would have been away from Carter and I’m sure my family would have never told me about Will until the house was suddenly occupied by another family.
I shove off the ground and start pumping my legs. The rush of wind in my ears pushes my cares away as I focus on the swing. My hair whips behind me and I take my mind back to a time when I didn’t have responsibilities and the only relationships I had were with friends. I close my eyes and pack all of my problems into an imaginary balloon and let it float away.
I open my eyes. Lily stalks toward the swings, her arms crossed over her chest. She doesn’t say a word as she gets onto the swing next to mine. We pump almost in sync for a few minutes before she breaks the silence.
“That was an interesting afternoon.”
I snort a laugh. “The understatement of the year.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
My shoulders lift. “What can I do about it?”
She blows out a deep breath. “That’s something you need to figure out, sugar,” she says in a thick Southern drawl. She lets out a low whistle through her teeth. “If that boy wasn’t hot enough, let’s just add an accent to that delicious mix.”
I grin but it quickly fades away. “Seriously, though. Carter is on the war path. He thinks I broke up with him because Will came back.”
“He’s still heartbroken,” she says in his defense. “Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to tell him about your intense crush on Will.”
Being honest with Carter made our quick friendship stronger. “Will was a huge part of my life. I couldn’t keep that from Carter. Besides, I didn’t think Will was ever coming back.” His silence after the first year convinced me of that.
“I think you should just do whatever the hell you want to do,” Lily says. “Screw Carter and screw Will. Not literally of course.” I laugh. “Let’s just do whatever we want this summer. No regrets. I’ll find some boys to help tide you over until college. Let’s have the best summer we can before you disappear from my life for four months at a time.”
I turn to her, but her gaze is focused on the ground in front of us. Her step-mom insisted that Lily pay her own way through college, even though her step-brothers came out of school debt-free. She made plans to take a year off to get money together before applying.
“Promise?”
I nod. “Yeah. I promise.”
“I can’t hear you!” she yells.
I tilt my head back and shout, “YES!”
“Ready?” she says.
I nod. “One, two—”
Lily jumps from the swing first before I can finish the countdown. “Hey!” I say, following her. I land on the sand and my knees buckle. I lurch forward, slamming my hands into the gritty sand.
Lily is mid-cackle rolling around on the ground. “Oh my God. Ow!”
“You cheated,” I say through tears, unable to breathe through my fit. I look around us. “And I still won.”
“I see my record hasn’t been broken,” Will says.
Lily’s laugh cuts off.
I look up at Will. Both hands are in his pockets as he balances on the separator around the perimeter of the swing set. He’s grinning at the ground where his foot hovers over a deep scratch in the wood. When I was ten and him twelve, he got the farthest jump we’d ever seen. From then on we always tried to beat it, but he did have the longest legs out of all of us.
I
