Abby understood it was to ensure they continued in the right direction, but she didn’t mind. To be honest, the big animals made her mouth go dry.
Within minutes she understood why Mother looked as if she were in constant pain. The wagon jerked and jolted causing the wooden bench to constantly whap Abby’s rear. Even with a quilt folded for them to sit on, her bottom hurt almost as much as her feet and her neck ached. How were they going to endure two thousand miles of this? Perhaps Mother was right. The Binghams were too soft for such a challenging journey.
Abby’s spine stiffened. Her chin jutted out. Bingham or Black. Rich or poor. She meant to finish this trip. She meant to survive. More than that, she would become strong and capable, because at the end, she saw nothing but freedom. She nodded at the big ox. Liberty was his name. Liberty was her aim.
With every jolt of the long afternoon, her determination grew. When they approached the stopping place, she changed places with Father so he could guide the wagon into the circle.
And if every bone in her body protested, she ignored them. She had things to do. Even before the animals had been set free to graze, she set out to get firewood and returned with an armload in double-quick time. Others had done the same thing so likely no one took note of her actions.
It didn’t matter. She had proved to herself she was capable of one thing. Now she meant to prove another and measured out floor, lard and milk. She rolled the dough on the little table Martin set out.
She squinted at the slab of dough. “What is that?” Black dots. She picked one out.
Sally and Emma bent over the dough.
“Did you sift the flour?” Sally asked softly.
“No, I was in hurry.”
Sally chuckled. “Sometimes it doesn’t pay to be in a hurry. I’m afraid a mouse has been into your flour. Those are mice droppings.”
Abby stepped back in horror. “Mice. We’ll have to toss out all the flour.”
Emma shook her head. “You can sift it out. And likely it’s only in one corner. I’ll have a look if you like.”
Rachel grinned so wide it was a wonder her face didn’t crack.
Abby bit back the angry words rushing to her mouth. She grabbed the dough and hurried outside the circled wagons. She reached some bushes and shoved the dough into the branches. Let some hungry animal eat it. Maybe some mice. Let them choke on their own droppings.
She fell on her knees, her breath coming in gasps. Why, oh, why was she so inept?
After a moment, her breathing calmed, although her mind continued to twist and turn. She pushed to her feet and headed back to the camp. This little setback would not deter her. She would learn.
As she approached the wagons, she heard her name and paused to listen. The voice was Rachel’s.
“Imagine wasting all those supplies.”
Abby edged forward trying to see who Rachel talked to.
Then a man spoke. “Give her a chance.”
Ben. She pressed her hand to her throat. She’d know his voice anywhere. He sounded weary. Weary of her failures? She closed her eyes. Lord, help me. Help me learn what I need to do. Most of all, give me strength to see Ben every day and not be filled with regret at what might have been.
Again she reminded herself that what might have been was a romantic dream. Never again would she trust a man enough to give him the right to own her.
She calmed her heart knowing she didn’t make this journey alone. Yes, she had her parents. But she also had God. He’d been her strength and solid rock of refuge for many years. In fact, she remembered clearly when she’d learned to love Him so.
Not ready to rejoin the others, she leaned against the nearest wagon wheel and let her memories flow. It was at special meetings held in the school. There she also had met Ben. She’d seen him before, but their paths seldom passed until then.
An itinerant preacher held the meetings. He delivered a challenge to the young people to become soldiers of the cross. How his words had fired her soul with resolve. He said as soldiers they needed to prepare for battle and gave such practical steps, each of them relating to soldiers. One of the steps was to learn to wield your sword with skill. There had been a list of Bible verses he’d challenged them to memorize. And apply with your heart. She had turned to the young man beside her and said she intended to do exactly that. That was Ben and he said he did, too. They’d spent hours together drilling each other on the list of verses. They had been some of the most pleasant times in her life.
She might have given up her chance to see where her relationship with Ben would go but she would never regret the time they’d spent learning the verses. Again and again, they had been her comfort, especially Isaiah 43:2. “When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.”
She’d been through many troubled waters and found God’s supply sufficient.
Lifting her head, she looked about her. No water here, just land and lots of it. God would be with her here, too.
A smile on her lips, she stepped back into the circle and went to the fire. “I’m sorry I messed that up. Now tell me what to do to help.”
Emma patted her back. “Let’s just say that’s a lesson you won’t have to learn again.”
Abby laughed. “No. Once is enough for me, thank you very much. My intention had been to bake enough biscuits for tonight and tomorrow. Can I try again?”
Sally and Emma both nodded. “By all means.”
Sally added, “I have a loaf of batter bread baking at the moment. Why not do the biscuits after supper?”
Rachel hung back, her eyes guarded, her expression watchful.
Abby allowed herself one quick glance at Ben, but his attention was on something across the circle.
Well, better disinterest than outright displeasure.
* * *
Once is enough for me.
Abby’s words echoed through Ben’s head. He needed to brand them on the surface of his brain. He’d been hurt by Abby’s unfaithfulness once. Once was enough for him.
He’d seen the shock and hurt on her face when she discovered the droppings in the biscuit dough. When she’d rushed from the camp bearing the ruined dough he’d wanted to follow and assure her it wasn’t the end of the world. Rachel had stopped him.
“Why do you jump to her aid all the time? You know what will happen when she no longer needs your help.” Rachel wasn’t about to let him forget that Abby had broken off their relationship. And broken his heart in the process.
Although he knew she spoke only out of concern for his well-being, he had to choke back words of protest. After
