for this one.’ He turned over his left hand to show a white patch along the root of his palm. ‘This was from trying to save a friend from his folly when he climbed back into our room at school in the middle of the night during a storm and almost ended up an ornament on the bushes below.’
‘Folly appears to be contagious. Are your friends as foolish as you?’
He smiled.
‘No, Raven was like that before I met him. I was still deep in my obedient phase and very determined not to succumb to the family curse of depravity. I held out quite a while, too.’
She frowned at his tone. ‘I don’t believe in curses.’
‘Of course not, nurses must be sensible, right? I’m not fond of the notion myself. Too Greek. I accept full responsibility for choosing which side of my family tree I emulate. I made every effort to behave like the proper half of that tree for almost two decades and found it not only stultifying, but also unappreciated. So for the past five years I have been enjoying a grand tour of the other half. Aside from these...’ he indicated the scarred topography of his body ‘...I am finding it suits me very well.’
‘I am glad, because I would hate to think you derived no pleasure from trying to kill yourself.’
She hadn’t meant to speak quite that sharply. He smiled, a slow wolfish smile, and her legs pressed together, readying herself to move.
‘I’m deriving a great deal of pleasure at the moment from being resurrected. I’d derive even greater pleasure from seeing what my little saviour looks like under those veils, but don’t worry, I don’t need to be slapped more than once to learn not to steal cakes from cook’s table. I will just have to exert my imagination; it is very creative. Shall I tell you what it is weaving?’
‘No, thank you. I have little doubt it is an improvement on the reality. Now, you might be accustomed to injury, but you are still very weak and what you need most is rest. If you need help, call for Yannis. He is outside. The King is a good man and has every interest in seeing you in good health so I suggest you not try anything foolish.’
‘You are a fiery little thing, aren’t you? You don’t sound as terrified of this King as the doctor appears to be.’
‘I have no reason to fear him. I owe him everything and he has always been kind to me. However, he does have a temper and I suggest you don’t provoke it if you wish to have your way.’
He smiled, his eyes lightening with laughter.
‘That is excellent advice, darling. I promise not to provoke him, but I don’t know if I can promise the same to you, as it is too much of a pleasure to watch, or rather listen, to you rise to the fly. I do promise to keep my hands to myself, but for your information, the best way to put a man’s fantasies to rest is to confront him with reality. Perhaps these veils have more merit for newlyweds than I gave them credit. Marriage is a tedious business and anything that introduces a touch of mystery is welcome.’
‘Are you married then?’ The words were out before she could stop them, her skin still tingling from his casual endearment.
‘No, thank God. I’ve watched too many disasters on that front. When I do marry, in the very, very distant future, it will be to someone whose expectations can be measured in worldly goods and who knows her limits and mine.’
It had nothing to do with her, but it hurt like a personal rejection.
‘I will return later with a tisane for the pain, but you should rest now. If you need anything, summon Yannis and he can send for me if there is a need.’
‘And pull you from your husband’s arms? Tempting but not very chivalrous, my dear. I shall make do with this Yannis.’
The lingering falsity of her marriage stuck in her throat. It wasn’t like her to lie. Not that she had actually said she was married, but she had certainly not corrected him and that was bad enough, wasn’t it? All she had to do was tell him—I’m not married; the veils were the King’s idea. Then he would laugh and tell her to take them off, that she stood in no danger from him.
And that would be a lie, too. Even if he meant it. He might poke fun at her, but somehow she knew the moment he knew she was unmarried even that taunting freedom in her presence would cease. She might not know him, but she knew that. Still, the next time he said anything about her married state she promised she would tell the truth. However uncomfortable.
She glanced back—he looked weary, but his smile lingered as he watched her, part warmth and part mockery. She was so tempted to stay so she left.
* * *
If she had an ounce of sense she would have stayed away from that point forward, but she didn’t. The first week of his illness was unsettling, but the second exhausted all her reserves of self-control. She found all forms of excuses to visit the Englishman, though any servant could have delivered the tisanes she prepared and she was gaining no favours with the doctor by insisting on applying her salves to the wound. She drank in every moment in his company like the Illiakan plains drank in rainwater after the long dry summer. He never demanded she remove the veils again, and thankfully he never again referred to her marriage, so she could at least continue to shove away her guilt at perpetuating the lie and enjoy the pleasures of his company, from the unsettling effect of touching him as she nursed him to the more innocent pleasure of reading to him. She loved lingering over the agony columns just so he would tease her and then she could berate him for his insensitivity and watch the laughter light up his austere face.
‘Enough. That one was by far the most pathetic,’ he stated after she found a particularly tearful advertisement. ‘What is wrong with people? One would think with all of human history at our fingertips we would have realised this love nonsense is a waste of energy. Imagine how much could be achieved if only we applied all that energy to something productive.’
‘I think love can be a great force for good, perhaps the greatest. I do know that love changed my life. My parents didn’t really know how to love me, they were too busy with their concerns, but when I came to live with the Princess when I was ten and she four, I discovered what it was to love and be loved and my life changed utterly. I can’t imagine who I might be today if I hadn’t been so lucky.’
‘I’m glad for you, but that kind of love is different.’
‘How? Love is just love. It is caring for another person, sometimes more than you do for yourself. It is wanting that person to be happy, feeling their pain, wanting to understand them and wanting them to understand you. How is it different?’
‘Because what you are describing is not what people mistake for love between men and women, but affection between siblings or a mother’s love for her child. At least I presume it is. My own parents were sadly deficient on that front, though to give my father credit he meant well—he was just so sanctimonious. But I think I can understand a little of what you described—when I was ten my father remarried a lovely woman who did her best to make up for both my parents’ deficiencies.’
‘Did she succeed?’
He smiled and warmth spilled through her. Love. Perhaps this was an answer, too. It was different.
‘Up to a point. From that point she did something even better, she gave birth to my sisters. I was also ten when this happened and it changed my life, so I think I can understand what you mean. What was wrong with your
