the excitement of it, the heat of his hands, the ecstasy of feeling him deep inside her…
“Rafe,” Carin whispered, “Rafe?” and she came awake in a dizzying rush to find herself, alone, in a world of cold reality and confused memories.
That night. Oh, God, that terrible night. Making love with Rafe—except, it hadn’t been love. It had been sex, sex with a stranger. He’d give her what she’d wanted, passion that had driven everything else from her mind, but when it was over she’d been filled with such self-loathing that she’d struggled free of his arms, gone into the bathroom, locked the door and leaned back against it, trembling, afraid he’d come after her…
Praying that he would.
She needn’t have worried.
No one had knocked at the bathroom door. No one rattled the knob. No one said, “Carin, come back to my arms.” When she’d finally come out of the bathroom, Rafe was gone. He wasn’t downstairs, either. There’d been no message. No note. No phone call waiting on her answering machine in New York or in all the months that came after.
One hour. One unbelievable, wondrous, terrible hour, was all it had been…
Except, that wasn’t true. Carin’s heartbeat lurched. Raphael Alvares had given her more than that night.
He’d given her a child.
The long hours of labor. Amanda, holding her hand. The doctor’s decision to hasten her baby’s entry into the world…
“My baby,” she said, the words a tremulous, desperate whisper.
She touched her hand to her belly. It was flat. Her baby had been born—her daughter, she’d known that in advance—but where was she? Something had gone wrong, at the end. She remembered, now. Her doctor, telling her to hang on. The slap-slap of a nurse’s shoes as she hurried from the room. The plastic packet of blood hanging above her, dripping into her vein…
Carin shot up against the pillows. Her head spun, her stomach seesawed in protest.
“Where’s my baby?”
“Carin?”
She turned her head, saw bright light streaming into the room as the door opened. Shapes—people—were silhouetted against it.
“Carin,” her mother said, “oh, sweetie!”
And then Marta’s arms were around her. Carin wept and clung to her as the others crowded around. Jonas was there, and Amanda, even her stepbrother, Slade, and his wife, Lara…
But not Rafe. Of course not. He’d only been a dream.
Hands patted her shoulders, touched her hair. Her mother’s light scent enveloped her; she felt her sister’s tears as their cheeks brushed.
“That’s my girl,” Marta said, and made a sound that straddled the line between laughter and tears. “Oh, darling, it’s so good to see you awake. How do you feel? Are you in pain? Lara, please, would you go get the nurse?”
“Of course,” Lara Baron said, and blew a kiss before hurrying off.
“Tell me about my baby,” Carin begged. “Mandy? Is she all right?”
“She’s fine.” Amanda sat down on the edge of the bed and clasped her hand. “And she’s beautiful.”
Carin fell back against the pillows. Tears rose in her eyes and she laughed and rubbed them away with her knuckles.
“I want to know everything. Is she big? What color is her hair? What does she weigh?”
“She’s seven pounds, five ounces and twenty-one inches long, and she has a head full of midnight-black curls. Oh, Sis, she’s perfect.”
Carin squeezed her sister’s hand. “I want to see her.”
“And you will, darling.” Marta embraced Carin again. “In just a little while, I promise. Let’s have the doctor take a look at you first, hmm?”
“I don’t need the doctor.”
“You’re probably right, but it won’t hurt to let him see you, will it?” Marta pulled a lace-trimmed hankie from her purse and dabbed at her eyes. “He said—he said he was sure the crisis was over and you’d be fine, but we were all—we were…”
Her voice broke. Jonas put his hand on his wife’s shoulder, patted it clumsily and smiled at Carin.
“You sure did give us a bad time for a while there, missy.”
“Did I?” She shook her head. “I don’t—I don’t remember very much.”
“No. I don’t suppose you would. Never mind. All that matters is that everything’s fine, now.”
“Where is my baby? Is she in the nursery?”
“Uh-huh.” Amanda grinned. “And she’s making all the other little girls look homely by comparison.”
“Amanda’s right.” Marta smiled as she stroked Carin’s hair back from her temples. “She looks just like you, darling. Well, except for her mouth. I suppose she has her father’s…” Everyone looked at Marta, who colored. “I mean, she’s gorgeous.”
Carin sighed. “I’ll bet she is.” She looked past her mother, at Slade, and smiled. “What are you doing here?”
“Well, Lara and I had nothin’ better to do…” He grinned. “Boston’s only a hop, skip, and jump away, honey. We figured we’d come down and wait for you to open your eyes.”
“That was sweet of you.”
“Heck, the Barons are nothin’ if not sweet.” He walked to the other side of the bed and took her hand. “Travis, Tyler and Gage all send their love.”
“Give mine to them, please, when you talk to them.”
“And,” Amanda said, “my Nicholas will be by, in a little while.” Tears rose in her eyes and she brushed them away. “You gave us a real scare, Sis.”
“Well, I didn’t mean to,” Carin said, and smiled. She let her head fall back against the pillows and her smile faded. “I’m sorry I put you through all of this.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” Marta said. “I just wish you’d come to stay with us at Espada, months ago…” She cleared her throat. “Well, that’s all water under the bridge. The important thing is that you’ve come through this, and that you have a healthy baby.”
Carin nodded. “I just wish…” She swallowed past the sudden lump in her throat. “I wish it could have been different. That—that I hadn’t disappointed all of you.”
“Nonsense, darling. Who could be disappointed at having a new little person in our family?”
“I told her the same thing, Mother.” Amanda looked up as Lara came into the room. “Doctor’s coming,” she mouthed,
