front of me.
Instead, Lewis gave me more and more reason to believe that he really did want to marry me for all the right reasons. And more so, that he really was in love with me.
Heck, he’d remembered my favorite wine, white zinfandel, something he hadn’t done before.
Maybe this marriage thing to Lewis was going to work out just fine. Maybe, like I’d tried to convince myself, marriages built on a mutual friendship and respect were the ones that went the distance. It wasn’t necessary for my heart to be overflowing with love for Lewis in order for us to have a good life together.
As long as he would be faithful to me, treat me with respect, be a good father to my daughter, that was all I could want.
Then why was it, I thought as I raised my wineglass to my lips once more, that I couldn’t help wishing that it was Chaz sitting across from me?
6
“So?” Carla asked when I got to the door after my dinner with Lewis. “How did it go?”
“It was nice,” I replied.
“Nice?”
“Nice dinner. Nice ambiance. Good company.”
Carla raised an eyebrow. “Are you still engaged?”
I strolled into the apartment, sighing as I did. “I guess so.”
“You guess so?”
“Yes,” I said. Then with more conviction, “Yes, I am.”
“Vanessa.” Carla frowned. “I thought you were going to tell him that you don’t want to marry him.”
“I was?”
“That’s what you told me last week, remember? Over a bottle of wine as you were crying about the fact that you weren’t in love with Lewis.”
“Vaguely.”
“Vaguely?” Carla asked, her voice full of skepticism.
“I remember,” I said as I plopped myself down on the sofa. “Of course I remember.” I’d been extremely confused that night, pining over Chaz, but knowing that I needed Lewis to help me fight Tassie. “Well, I’ve changed my mind.”
“Now you do want to marry him?”
“Where’s Rayna?” I asked.
“She and Amani are snuggled under the covers on my bed. They’re engrossed in that Barbie Island Princess movie. But don’t change the subject. Have you really changed your mind about Lewis?”
“You should have seen him tonight, Carla. He ignored every woman who tried to flirt with him. Every single one. He even showed me this note our waitress had slipped him when she gave us the bill. The skank had the nerve to give him her phone number! Even though he was clearly with me.”
“That’s the way women are,” Carla said sourly. “A man’s more attractive when he belongs to someone else.”
“Lewis ripped up the number right in front of my face. The old Lewis never would have done that.”
“Score one for Lewis. But—”
“And he’s going with me to that meeting with Tassie and her lawyer I told you about when I called you earlier. He’s going to bring a cashier’s check, which I think Tassie will happily accept.”
“Again, that’s nice—”
“And he’s putting me in touch with a lawyer tomorrow. One who can represent me during the meeting. It’ll be totally foolish for me to go without one.”
“Definitely smart.”
“And he’s also going to help me find an investigator, because I need to dig up some dirt on Tassie before the meeting. Hopefully, if all goes well, Tassie will be out of my life forever after next week.”
Carla crossed her fingers. “Let’s hope.”
“Yes. Let’s hope.”
“Any other wonderful things to tell me about Lewis?” Carla asked.
“No. That’s about it.”
“Then can I give you my opinion?”
“Of course.” I pulled my legs up onto the sofa with me and stared at my friend.
“Everything you’ve said is great, and Lewis definitely sounds like he’s changed.”
“No one is more surprised than I am.”
“But—” Carla said, holding up a hand to silence me. “Everything you’ve said also sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself why you should go through with marrying him. And if you’ve got to convince yourself, then should you really be doing it?”
“It’s not as simple as that,” I said.
“Really?” Carla asked. “Because I thought it was as simple as if you love someone, you marry them. If you don’t love someone—”
“I’ve learned that life isn’t as easy as black and white, right and wrong. Being in love or liking someone. There are so many shades of gray, Carla, complicating everything.”
“You’re justifying,” Carla said in a singsong voice.
“But how can I accept his help and not marry him?”
“With a ‘thank you very much for your help, but I’m not in love with you.’ You and Lewis stayed friends after your relationship ended the first time. I’m sure you’ll remain friends if you tell him the truth now.”
“I don’t know,” I said, shaking my head. “Lately I’ve been thinking that love is overrated.”
Carla laughed. “Love is overrated? This coming from the woman who has always been seeking the real thing? Hell, when you came back from the Bahamas, you had such a glow. And when Chaz came to visit you here, I’ve never seen you happier.”
“And Chaz dumped me, remember? That’s exactly why I say that love is overrated. No offense—I know some people find the real deal—but for others, maybe it’s enough to find someone you like a lot, someone who makes you laugh. Someone who won’t break your heart.”
“Chaz is going to come around,” Carla said. “I really believe that.”
“I wish I could believe that, but he was very clear. He couldn’t accept any form of dishonesty. I left him a couple messages, but he hasn’t called me back.” My throat grew thick with emotion, my heart heavy. “I’m not sure I’ll ever get over him.”
Carla patted my hand. “Oh, sweetie.”
“Which is exactly why I need to marry someone I’m not head over heels in love with,” I
