than you can know. But at the time I was angry with her, for leaving me with a baby to raise and no wife to love.’
Phoebe watched Heath wringing his hands in frustration.
‘I can understand your feelings, but I guess I can also understand your wife had a right to do what she thought was best. Sometimes what two people in love want is not the same, and it’s not that either is wrong, or not respecting the other, it’s just that they see things differently. Their life experience and values alter their perspective. And she was a mother. I can’t say it from any experience, since I have never had a child, but I am sure carrying a baby would change everything about how you see the world.’
‘But she was so young, and she had so much to live for—no matter how I try I will never understand. I love Oscar so much, and I’m grateful every day for him being in my life, but it was a huge and difficult choice she had to make. And I feel guilty for what happened because it means Oscar is growing up without a mother.’
Phoebe was puzzled at his feelings of remorse. She understood the sadness, but not the guilt. ‘I don’t know why you would say that. Your wife made the decision—not you.’
‘But I should have made her have the chemo. I should have never let her delay it. And perhaps I shouldn’t have married her so young. If she hadn’t married me then she wouldn’t have rushed into having a child, and when she was diagnosed she would have gone ahead with treatment.’
‘Heath, you can’t know that for sure. Natasha might not have been diagnosed until it was too late anyway. A young woman in her twenties wouldn’t have been having mammograms, so it might have gone undetected for a long time—by which time she might have faced the same fate. It’s something you will never know. But you have a very special little boy. And you can’t harbour any blame—it’s not good for Oscar.’
Heath nodded, but Phoebe could see his thoughts were somewhere else, struggling with his memories.
He was thinking back to the day Natasha had died.
It had been Christmas Day.
The next day Phoebe woke early, still thinking about everything that Heath had told her. While the heartbreak Giles had inflicted on her had been soul-destroying at the time, she knew now that it had been for the best. But nothing about Heath’s heartbreak was for the best. His wife had died and left behind a little boy who would never know her. And a man who couldn’t fully understand or accept her reasons.
She felt a little homesick for the first time, and called her father.
‘I assisted in surgery last week, and I’m heading in today to the practice, and then tomorrow I’m in Theatre again,’ she told him as she ate her muesli and fruit breakfast with her mobile phone on speaker. ‘And I finally met Ken Rollins.’
‘That’s great. I bet you quizzed him about his papers.’
‘I did and he was so generous with his knowledge.’
‘How long will his son be filling in before he leaves and heads back to his old position?’
Phoebe’s mood suddenly and unexpectedly fell as she listened to her father and was reminded that Heath and Oscar were only transient in her life. She had enjoyed spending time with Heath out of work hours. No matter how much she was looking forward to working with Ken, she knew she would miss Heath. He was charming company when he lifted his guard, and he had managed to make her feel important with the way he listened to her and engaged in their conversations.
He was a far cry from the distracted man who had once held the title of her fiancé. And she suddenly felt a little sad that Heath would be gone in a few short weeks. She knew she wanted more. What that was, she wasn’t sure—but she knew even after such a short time there would be a void in her life when he left.
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