And if it is…if it is, then I’ll know he’s dead. I won’t spend the rest of my life wondering.”
“But if it is Andrew, you’ll never be able to forget—”
Kate laid her hand on Frank’s back. “Don’t try to stop her. She has to do this.” Kate reached over and patted Leenie’s arm. “I understand how you feel. It’s worse not knowing one way or the other, holding on to hope when everyone tells you there is none, than it is having to face the certainty of your child’s death.”
Leenie clenched her teeth tightly, barely containing her overwrought emotions, then nodded agreement to Kate’s comment.
“We’re ready,” Frank told the coroner, a bald, middle-aged doctor named Huggins.
Securing his arm around her waist, Frank walked with Leenie into the cold, dimly lit room. Dr. Huggins, who had preceded them, walked over to the steel table where a white sheet covered the tiny body. Silence permeated every square inch of the area. Frank heard only his own breathing moments before Leenie sighed aloud. He tightened his grip on her hand. She looked at him, fear and uncertainty in her eyes.
“We’ll do this together,” he told her.
She nodded.
“All right,” Frank said to Dr. Huggins.
The coroner removed the sheet, revealing the small, lifeless body. Frank wanted to pull Leenie back, to rush her out of the room and away from the possible heartache facing her. But she forged ahead, then stopped abruptly to gaze down at the infant’s discolored corpse.
Leenie’s hand flew to her mouth as she gasped loudly. “Oh, God. God!”
Frank’s heart lurched to his throat. His pulse accelerated. No, please, no, he prayed silently, the plea a gut-level reaction. But he couldn’t bring himself to look at the infant.
Leenie gasped for air. “It’s not him. It’s not Andrew.”
Frank had never known such overwhelming relief. It was then—in that unparalleled moment of thankfulness—that he experienced a personal epiphany. Without ever having seen or held his child, he knew he loved Andrew. And he wanted a chance to be a father to his son.
Kate uttered a loud, gasping sigh. Frank blew out a deep breath. Leenie turned to Frank, a bittersweet smile on her face, and flung herself into his open arms. He held her, stroking her back, comforting her, as she clung to him for dear life. She wept. Only for a few moments. Quietly. But her body trembled uncontrollably long after she stopped crying.
Finally Frank managed to turn her around and head her toward the door. “Let’s go home.”
She allowed him to escort her from the room and into the outer office where Chief Bibb and Special Agent Moran waited.
“I’ll get the car and bring it around to the front door,” Kate said as she hurried away.
No one said another word as Frank led Leenie across the room. When they reached the door, she paused and spoke softly to the police chief. “Ryan, when you find out the child’s identity, would you please let us know. I—I want to send my condolences to the family.”
As long as she lived, she would never forget the image of that tiny infant lying on the cold, steel table. Somewhere out there another mother had lost a child. The only difference between that woman and Leenie was that this other woman had no hope. Her baby boy was dead.
Frank probably didn’t understand why she’d pulled away from him the moment they returned to her house or why she’d hurried into the bathroom and locked the door. He had called to her several times, asking her if she was all right and if there was anything he could do for her. But she hadn’t responded. Wouldn’t. Couldn’t. As much as she needed Frank, as desperately as she wanted him close, she had to be alone right now. Alone to cry. Alone to die a thousand deaths in her heart and soul. Alone to work through the wild, mixed emotions she could barely control.
Even before the unknown infant’s body had been found, Leenie had felt as if she were on the verge of losing her mind. Although Frank and Kate and Haley had forced her to go through the motions of living, she really didn’t feel alive. She felt numb one minute and on fire with terror the next. She wanted to crawl into a hole and die. And at the same time she wanted to run and scream and beat her fists against the wall. It was as if she were dead and alive. Numb and oversensitive. Subdued and crazed. All simultaneously.
After closing the lid, Leenie sat down on the commode and crossed her arms over her chest. She sat there and cried. Soft sobs. A steady stream of tears cascaded down her face. There was an ache inside her that hurt so bad she could barely breathe.
“Oh, Andrew…Andrew.”
Frank lifted his hand to knock on the bathroom door again. He’d knocked several times half an hour ago and pleaded with Leenie to answer him, to let him help her. But when she hadn’t responded, he’d finally left her alone. He had talked to Kate for a few minutes, then spent the past twenty minutes alone in his son’s nursery. He had run his fingers over the hand-painted mural on the wall—a Noah’s Ark scene. The walls were a pale blue, the ceiling covered with fluffy clouds and a host of stuffed animals and infant toys lined the floor-to-ceiling shelves. A magic room for a much-loved baby boy.
“Leave her alone.” Kate stood in the doorway to Leenie’s bedroom.
Frank whirled around to face Kate. “What?”
“Leave Leenie alone. She’ll come out when she’s ready. You’ll have plenty of time to comfort her then, when she needs you. Right now, she needs to hide away.”
He didn’t know Kate all that well, but had heard the speculations about her that abounded around the Dundee office. “What makes you the expert?” he asked.
“I’m a woman.”
“Okay, if being a woman makes you an expert on all things female, then tell me this—why is it that Leenie pulls me to her with one hand and pushes me away with the other? She’s blowing hot and cold. I don’t know what she wants.”
“Believe me, you men are just as big a puzzle to us as we are to you.” Kate motioned for him to come toward her. “Let’s wait for Leenie in the living room. Eventually she’ll come out and that’s when you can play knight in shining armor again. Just wait for the signals. A smart man knows when to advance and when to retreat.”
“I’m not smart when it comes to women,” Frank admitted, following Kate down the hall and into the living room. “I’m bad at relationships.”
They sat down on the sofa. Kate curled up sideways, her waist and lower back supported by the sofa arm. Frank pressed his shoulders into the back of the couch, then crossed one leg over the other knee.
“Your personal life is none of my business. But if you care about Leenie, and I think you do, then ask yourself just how serious you are about a relationship with her. Don’t let her believe she can count on you for the long haul if you’re just in this until we find Andrew.”
Good advice. Hell, great advice. “What if I don’t know how I feel or what I want for the future? For now, I want to bring Andrew home. I want to protect Leenie and support her through this ordeal. But…” He shook his head. “I want to be a father to my son.”
Kate
