would still love him every bit as much as she did now, but for James’s sake she so much hoped that he was Josh’s father, and that in that way a little of him would live on in Josh. James had been such a kind, loving person, with so much to give. Even though he had fallen so desperately in love with Judy he had always been kind and caring towards her, Julie, never wanting to hurt her. But he had hurt her.
Julie didn’t want to think about that. It was easier and safer to focus on the anger Rocco aroused in her rather than the pain James had caused her. She could never imagine someone like Rocco Leopardi being so gentle with an unwanted ex-lover. He would have no compassion for a woman he no longer wanted in his bed or in his life, and yet when he did desire a woman Julie sensed that his desire would burn white-hot, driven by the kind of sensual sexuality that was still a mystery to her. But then she wasn’t really the kind of woman who ignited that kind of desire in a man, was she? She and James had been friends—good pals, who had enjoyed one another’s company, whose friendship had grown into love. With James Julie had felt safe from the awkwardness and the dread of mockery and rejection she had experienced so much growing up in Judy’s shadow.
During their teens she had had to learn to accept that boys wanted Judy and found her desirable, and that she paled in comparison—just as she had had to learn to put a brave smile on her face when Judy had mocked her publicly in front of those boys for her lack of allure and sexual experience.
When she had gone to university and Judy had gone to train as a beautician Julie had carried with her the hangups of her teens. Julie had met James when she’d started a postgraduate course. He had been doing the same course, but had been a year ahead of her—twenty-four to her twenty-two. He had laughed gently at her when she had explained self-consciously and uncomfortably to him that she was still a virgin and why.
Their lovemaking had been tender and caring, but somehow Julie had always felt conscious of trying not to overwhelm James with her own passionate need. She wondered now if that might have been because she had sensed deep down inside herself that, despite the fact that he had said that he loved her, his love had been more the feelings of a friend than a lover? Because she had feared even whilst she was in his arms that somehow she was not good enough, not worthy of a man’s real passion?
If James hadn’t felt passionate about her then a man like Rocco certainly wasn’t going to be, was he?
Julie was aghast at the speed with which her mind had summoned up such an inappropriate question. Why on earth should she want Rocco to desire her? She didn’t. Not at all—not even one tiny little bit. The very thought of being in his arms and his bed made her feel. Julie could feel her face starting to burn as she fought to reject exactly what it did make her feel.
She couldn’t imagine Judy feeling humiliated because a stunningly handsome and obviously sensual and sexually experienced man had seen her naked. Far from it. Her late sister would have been the first to take advantage of that kind of situation—she’d have been posing and preening and generally making sure that Rocco was so turned on by her body that he couldn’t resist her. Judy had been wholly confident about her own sexuality. Her attitude had been that men found her irresistible. They always had and they always would.
Sometimes Julie wished she could have a little of her sister’s self-confidence, although she shrank from the thought of sleeping around in the way that Judy had done. It would have been good, though, to be able to put Rocco in his place by knowing that she had the power to ensure that if she wanted to do so she could make him want her.
Not that she would have wanted that, of course. The mere thought of being in bed with a man like him, who could probably do things to a woman’s senses with just the touch of his hands on her naked flesh that she couldn’t even imagine, was enough to have her heart thudding in wary warning.
To her shock, Julie realised how far her thoughts had strayed from thinking how much she hoped that Josh was James’s son.
One thing she was determined on, though, no matter who had fathered Josh. She was his legal guardian and she was not going to give him up—to anyone.
‘What will I have to do, if I am anaemic?’ she asked the doctor, seeing that he had finished putting everything back in his bag.
‘That will depend on how severe your anaemia is. You will certainly need iron tablets, and I think perhaps some of our good warm Sicilian sunshine might do you some good—although you will have to wait a week or so longer for that. Shall I tell Rocco that I am ready to test the little one now, with your agreement?’
Julie nodded her head, watching him as he walked over to the door and then opened it, disappearing through it only to return within a matter of minutes, accompanied by Maria, who was carrying Josh, and Rocco.
Josh was wide awake, his face breaking into a wide smile the minute he saw her.
Julie’s heart melted with love.
‘He is still a bit underweight,’ she told the doctor defensively as she thanked Maria and took Josh from her.
She’d already told him about Josh’s post-birth health problems.
The doctor nodded his head, but he was concentrating on checking Josh over.
‘He is a little small for his age,’ he agreed, before asking Julie to hold Josh whilst he did the DNA test.
A few seconds later, watching as he swabbed the inside of the baby’s mouth, Julie’s heart gave an uncomfortable little thud.
That was how you took a sample for a DNA test? Had the reason he had swabbed the inside of her mouth been because he intended to test her DNA? That he might do so had never occurred to her. What did it matter if he did? she asked herself. She and Josh were related, after all.
Related, yes, but she was not Josh’s mother. How accurate would the DNA test be? She didn’t dare ask. But Rocco, it seemed, did.
‘How accurate an indication of the child’s paternity will this test be, and when will we have the results of it?’ he asked the doctor.
‘It will be accurate enough to make it clear whether or not Antonio is the little one’s father,’ Dr Vittorio answered him, smiling at Julie and thanking her for holding Josh steady for him. ‘And I should have the results through within a week.’
Julie couldn’t, of course, ask if he was testing her, and if it was possible to establish her relationship to Josh from the swabs he had taken. They would be suspicious if she did. And besides it didn’t matter anyway, did it? She was Josh’s legal guardian. But Rocco thought that she was Josh’s mother, and she wasn’t.
So what? It wasn’t her fault that Rocco had got things wrong, was it?
She could have and perhaps should have told him the truth in London.
The Leopardi family were obviously used to getting their own way and making their own rules. If Josh was Antonio Leopardi’s son then it might suit the Leopardis merely to have Josh’s legal guardian to deal with and not his birth mother. Instinctively Julie knew that if Josh was Antonio’s son then the Leopardis would do everything in their power to bring him up as one of their own, despite Rocco’s assurance to her that he and his brothers considered the mother and baby bond sacrosanct. After all, she was not Josh’s mother.
The doctor, Rocco and Maria had all gone, and Julie was free to put Josh down on the beautiful baby mat she had found, along with all the other expensive baby equipment, in the room off her own bedroom which had been fitted
