that he was good enough for her, unless he joined the army, worked until every bone in his body ached, and earned not only money but also respect.
No, as hard as leaving Eliza had been, it was a choice he’d make again. For the same reasons.
Even the worst choice he’d ever made, given the same situation, the same intel, he’d make again, because when you made choices you got only the before, not the after. He hadn’t known that that one choice would irrevocably change his world. Change him.
One choice. A split second. The pull of a trigger.
And Pierce Westin had lost his soul.
* * *
“I’M SORRY FOR the long wait, Eliza. Thank you for your patience.”
Mrs. Carpenter came into the room quietly. Efficiently. All business.
From the chair she was clinging to like a life raft, Eliza nodded. Forced a smile. She didn’t do this whole fragile thing well. Her days didn’t require it.
Her life didn’t require it.
Because she’d kept her secret. Banished it to the past. Made a life without it, just as her parents had espoused.
She was beginning to see why they’d been so adamant. And figured they’d been right.
She watched the counselor take a seat. Fold her hands. And knew.
This wasn’t good news.
“I’ve looked through your file,” Mrs. Carpenter told her. “Your adoption was a bit...unique...” she said. “Private adoptions have more leeway as far as terms are concerned. According to your documents, your child is to be given any information we have about you, anytime he asks. But it was further agreed that even if you ask, you are not to be given information about him.”
She hadn’t known that.
“I’m assuming you knew that. Your signature was on every page.”
Okay, so maybe she had known. She hadn’t remembered. She’d been just shy of her seventeenth birthday. Scared to death. Heartbroken.
If only Pierce had contacted her. Even once...
If only she’d known then that her father had had a very firm talk with Pierce after he’d joined the army. Feeding Pierce’s fears that he wasn’t good enough for her. That she was destined for great things, a settled and successful society waiting for her, that nothing about her assets was suited to the moving around required by military life.
Pierce could have told her. Said now that maybe he should have told her that part. He’d still have joined up—and hadn’t wanted to bad-talk her father to her.
And what was done was done. They’d determined before they’d married seven years before that the only way for either of them to find happiness was to let go of the hurts they couldn’t change. And be thankful for all the great years they had left to share. To make the most of every minute of those years.
To realize that they, unlike so many others, had a special appreciation of their love that would prevent them from falling into the habit of taking that love, taking each other, for granted like they’d both seen happen with so many other couples.
“I can’t even know his name?” she asked, after taking as long as she could to assimilate her situation and pull herself together.
Clearly she hadn’t done either, yet.
Mrs. Carpenter shook her head. To give the woman her due, she didn’t seem in any kind of hurry to get Eliza out of there.
“You do have the right to stipulate if you’d rather we not give him any further information about you,” the woman said after another few minutes of standby.
Eliza knew Mrs. Carpenter was waiting for her to go. She just didn’t.
Thoughts of the gathering in the hotel lobby, due to start in less than two hours, skirted across her mind. She watched the other contestants flit about like in some kind of weird movie. A flash of the lobby. A group of strangers.
“Can he give his permission for me to know about him?”
“His parents were willing to give that information at the time of the adoption,” Mrs. Carpenter said. “This is a strange situation. Clearly you feared that at some point in your life you’d want to revisit this situation, but from what you knew at the time of the adoption, with everything still clear in your mind, you wanted to protect your future self from the eventuality.”
“I was sixteen.”
“You’d been counseled for months. And asked your father to sign the papers, as well.”
She kind of remembered that.
“You re-signed them when you turned eighteen,” Mrs. Carpenter said softly, as though not sure what she was dealing with, a rational human being or a crazy lady. Eliza didn’t blame her. She wasn’t sure herself.
“I did?” she said.
“Yes.”
She might have. She’d been so messed up back then. Hardened. Hurting beyond what she could bear. Her parents—and her grandmother—just kept telling her to look forward. To effect that which she could effect. To use the past as a lesson. To take every opportunity to make a good life for herself.
She’d signed a few things. To be executor of her grandmother’s estate in the event that anything happened to her, even though, in Eliza’s mother’s eyes, she was still just a kid. Her mother had thought she should be the one with power of attorney over her own mother’s estate. It hadn’t happened that way.
Eliza’s grandmother had made a will of her own.
Taken out a life insurance policy.
A readmission of her adoption papers could very well have been one more piece of business to be dealt with and filed away.
Standing, Mrs. Carpenter came toward her. Eliza expected to be shown out. There really was nothing more for them to say. Instead, the woman sat down in the chair next to her and took Eliza’s hand. “Were you raped?”
What? “No!” Was that what her parents had told people? Was that how they’d saved face?
She’d thought leaving town before anyone had known she was pregnant had done that.
Mrs. Carpenter looked at her in a way that made Eliza feel like she was being professionally assessed.
“I had one very, very wonderful, if completely inappropriate, night with a boy I loved very much,” she said softly.
The words wouldn’t stay back. Wouldn’t remain unsaid. She and Pierce...that night...deserved better than that.
More words flew to her throat as though they’d all been waiting for release.
But with so many years of silence, she managed to contain them. They were making her nauseated, all bottled up in there.
