Only three years after he’d disappeared, James had been murdered. Victoria closed her eyes to hold back the tears. She surely would not have survived that blow had it not been for Lucas. Once she’d buried her husband, she’d turned back to the one thing she could cling to: this agency. She had worked hard to make it what it was today and along the way she’d never given up on finding Jimmy…at least for the first dozen or so years.
It had been easy to maintain that sprout of hope then. She’d been fully engrossed in building the agency, so she never had time to allow reality to sink in. Then she’d had to face the facts. After nearly two decades, Jimmy wasn’t going to be found, dead or alive. He wasn’t coming back. Again, Lucas had gotten her through that black time.
And still, here she was once more, reliving the past. Allowing hope to glimmer…wondering what her son might be doing now and if he looked as much like his father now as he had at seven. It was foolish…a waste of time.
James Colby was dead. James Colby, Jr., was dead, as well.
But she was alive.
Victoria pushed to her feet and squared her shoulders. She would not dwell on the past for another moment. She could not change history. God knew that if she could, she would. She would give her life for her son’s this minute…this very second if it would bring him back.
But nothing was bringing him back. He was gone.
Forever.
Her heart thundering in her chest, she skirted the desk and walked out to Mildred’s desk. “I think I’ll step out,” she said, her chin tilted at an angle that dared her secretary to question her reasons.
Mildred looked taken aback or maybe she was just surprised since Victoria rarely left the office for anything once she arrived. “If you’re waiting for an argument,” Mildred offered sagely, “you’ll get none from me. The weather is beautiful.” She waved a hand toward the bank of elevators in invitation. “Have a nice walk.”
Victoria’s palms were sweating and that foolish heart of hers just kept beating harder and harder. She felt flushed and chilled to the bone at the same time. This was ridiculous. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d suffered from a panic attack, and, yet, this felt exactly like the onslaught of one.
“When Ian arrives let him know that I’ll be back in an hour or so.” Her throat had gone bone dry and the room tilted just a little.
Victoria railed at herself for showing weakness. She was made of stronger stuff than this. She found it hard to believe that the Melany Jackson case had undone her so thoroughly. Where was that steel armor she generally wore? That hard-earned determination?
Vivid flashes of memory cut through her thoughts as she waited for the elevator car to arrive. She squeezed her eyes shut to block the visions but she just couldn’t stop the images. Her little boy running, the sun glinting against his dark hair. His toys scattered haphazardly around his room. And then that moment—that soul shattering moment—when she’d realized he was gone.
She’d only looked away for mere seconds. The telephone had rung and she’d hurried to answer it. But when she’d looked through the kitchen window to see that Jimmy hadn’t wandered from the kid-size fort he and his father had built in the backyard he’d been gone. It hadn’t taken her more than thirty or forty seconds to step from the yard to the kitchen to grab the telephone. She’d stretched the long cord until she could watch him through the window while she talked.
But he was already gone.
Despite every security measure they’d taken.
In the blink of an eye.
Gone forever.
The room spun wildly and Victoria clutched at the wall to no avail. She marveled briefly at the glittering colors that exploded before her eyes and then the lights went out.
VICTORIA DIDN’T dare move when her mind turned itself back on. She tried to think but couldn’t. Where was she? What happened? And then she remembered. She opened her eyes very slowly, hoping to diminish the spinning in her head.
“Ah, there you are,” a kindly male voice said softly.
She concentrated on focusing her vision for a few seconds before it actually worked. Her brain had obviously kicked back into gear since she recognized the voice. Kyle. Dr. Kyle Pendelton. What was he doing here?
She tried to sit up but he held her still. “Not just yet, Victoria,” he said with uncharacteristic sternness.
“What happened?” She looked around the room to get her bearings. The office lounge. She was lying on the sofa in the lounge. Kyle sat in a chair that had been pulled close. He peered down at her now, concern marring his attractive features.
“That’s what I’d like to know,” he responded with clear accusation in his tone. “The last time we spoke I was under the impression that you intended to take a vacation. That you were going to start working fewer hours.”
Oh, God, Mildred had been running off at the mouth again. Victoria would have rolled her eyes had she possessed the necessary strength. But, as it was, she felt too weak to breathe, much less argue the point.
“She never leaves the office before six,” a voice piped up.
Victoria did manage a scowl this time. The voice belonged to a loose-lipped traitor. “Mildred, we’ll discuss this later,” she said with as much intimidation as she could muster.
Mildred harrumphed. “I’m shaking in my boots.”
Victoria felt the blood pressure cuff tighten on her arm, the squeezing sensation accompanied by the wheeze of the pump. “Your numbers are still a little higher than I’d like,” Kyle interjected. “Arguing isn’t going to help lower them.”
“I’ll just get back to my desk,” Mildred said petulantly, but paused at the door. “Talk some sense into her, Doc. God knows we’ve all tried.”
As the door opened and then closed Victoria caught a glimpse of Ian Michaels and Trent Tucker, two of her investigators, holding vigil outside. What a fool she was. All this worry and excitement because of her stupidity.
“I’m sorry they called you in, Kyle,” she said wearily. “I’m fine, really.”
He arched a speculative brow. “I can see that.” He settled his stethoscope into place and listened to her heart, encouraging her to breathe deeply from time to time and effectively putting a halt to further conversation for a bit.
When he’d removed the instrument and laid it aside, she told him the truth. “I let this new case get to me. That’s all. I’ll be fine in a little while. There’s nothing weak about me. I’m as strong as an ox. I’ll bounce back from this just like I always do.” Kyle was one she’d left off her list of those who understood what it was like to lose everything. He’d lost his wife and child to a vicious animal who still rotted in prison. Of all people, he would understand how she felt.
He took her hand in his. “Victoria, I know how strong you are and stubborn as the proverbial mule. But I also know what you go through every single day of your life.” He leveled those solemn brown eyes on hers. “I do exactly the same thing. Work, sleep, eat. You and I do all those
