was at that critical point in her Bennett cycle. And yes, sadly, she had a very definitive cycle.
Things would begin to build up. Her attraction would begin to become unmanageable. Her feelings so sharp and intense she couldn’t handle them. And she already knew why she couldn’t act on those feelings. She’d made her decisions. So when she reached that point, she knew it was time to find a guy to date. And so she would.
Depending on how long they dated, it could lead to a real relationship. Which meant that there was someone else to focus some of those feelings on. A man that she could go to bed with at night and be physically close to.
But as she had made the silly mistake of admitting to Bennett last night, they were not men who necessarily lit her body on fire. Still, putting effort into a physical relationship with another man did something to help take the edge off the Bennett situation. It gave her a relief from that hyperfocus she began to feel. From that intense edginess she experienced whenever he was around.
But then, invariably, the newness of the relationship would begin to wear off. The general disappointment of the sex would begin to overshadow the fact that there was sex at all, and the buildup to her Bennett feelings would start again.
Then something would happen. Bennett would brush his fingers against hers, lean in especially close to brush a piece of dirt from her cheek, and her body would nearly combust.
That’s when it would all tumble down on her. That feeling of how pointless and ridiculous it was to sleep with a man who made her feel less with his entire body than Bennett Dodge made her feel with the smallest brush of a fingertip against her face.
She’d have to end the relationship at that point. And the cycle would begin anew.
She had been...somewhat frozen in the terrible part of the cycle for the last year and a half. Because there hadn’t been anyone the whole time that Bennett was with Olivia. And at the same time work at the clinic had gotten more intense, which meant they were together more, and her social life—never all that booming outside the Dodge family—had shrunk down.
Rather than going out on fifty-mile endurance rides with Jamie like she often enjoyed doing on weekends, she’d been melting into her couch, keeping her rides on Flicka short and in general reducing her activities to work and an occasional night out drinking with Bennett and his family or Bennett by himself.
And all during that time she had done nothing but fixate. Nothing but marinate. Trying to force herself to accept that he was going to marry this other woman. Trying to figure out how her life would reshape when that happened.
And then the breakup happened, and it had hit her that she needed to do something to get herself out of the loop.
So here she was, trying to deal. Trying to get that separation that she so desperately needed. To get another man in her life so she could focus on him.
She really needed it to work. She needed Michael to be more than a nice guy. Maybe he would finally be a guy who managed to give her an actual orgasm during sex.
Heat swept over her body, and she did her very best not to think about that too much. Because then it forced her to think about the only ways she’d ever been able to have an orgasm. By herself. With her mind inevitably wandering to places it shouldn’t. To fantasies it shouldn’t.
She needed to get a grip. Preferably on Michael.
And she could give Bennett emotional support in the meantime. Could help him out with Dallas.
There was no other option. She had to do that.
Because she was a true friend. Not helping him out because of her regrettable between-the-thighs feelings would only prove that she wasn’t actually a very good friend. And she wasn’t going to do that.
“Fine. I’ll see you at lunch.”
“Okay.”
He seemed relieved to be getting a break, and she really couldn’t blame him. She sighed heavily and looked around the empty office.
Technically, they weren’t open yet. Though, if somebody came to the door she would obviously let them in. But she liked to use the early morning hours to catch up on paperwork and get everything in order for the day.
She sighed heavily, and then charged toward the break room before she could think it through. He’d said she could leave Dallas alone, but she wasn’t going to do that.
She was going to give this kid a task. He was not sitting back there on his phone the whole day. Why she felt that way, she really didn’t know. But it definitely had something to do with that strange sense of connection she had felt toward him when they had first met.
“Good morning,” she said, smiling a little bit when she was treated to a surprised expression from him.
“Why does everyone keep saying that?” Dallas asked.
“Because it’s morning.”
“Too early to be good,” he pointed out.
“And yet, here you are. Awake. And Bennett...” She redirected. “Your dad...” Bennett as a dad. Good grief. “Is that weird?”
Dallas straightened slightly, pressing his hand flat on the wooden table. “Yes. It’s weird.”
“Bennett,” she said, resolute. “I’ll call him Bennett then. Because it’s weird for me too. Anyway, he said that you were going to hang out here today.”
“Because he thinks I need a babysitter,” Dallas said. “Which is ridiculous. I’ve spent days by myself. I think I actually spent a week alone in my house when I was about seven.”
He said the words flippantly, speaking of his neglect as if it were something as routine as going back-to-school shopping. But Kaylee wasn’t fooled. Mostly because she knew how deeply that sort of thing touched you. Knew how it felt when your parents barely bothered to look your direction.
“But you’re not alone now,” Kaylee said.
“But it wouldn’t matter if I was.”
“I think it would,” she said. “And not just because you don’t have the resources to take care of yourself. But because we are made to need people.”
“I’ve never had the time to sit around whining about whether or not I needed someone to survive.”
She looked down, picking at her fingernails. “Whether or not you believe it, I actually understand a little bit. I never got taken from my parents and I was never in foster care, but I understand. Once I moved here, though, I had school. Friends. Bennett is one of them. We’ve been friends for years. His family...your family, they’re good people. They supported me. Invited me to backyard barbecues on the Fourth of July, made me feel like I was part of something. And that was when I really understood what was missing from my life growing up. My parents drink. And they fight. And in general don’t have a lot of time for me.”
Her mother had told her once, in a drunken rage, that Kaylee was a Band-Aid that hadn’t fixed a damn thing. That they’d had a baby to try to fix everything. To make life better. But she’d only made things harder. Worse.
She
