I’ve never been before, but it’s meant to be the bollocks. He has everything there, rides for the kids, a boxing ring, there’s a barbecue, a disco. It’s next Sunday, so do yous boys fancy it?’
‘Yeah. Can I have a go at the boxing?’ Gary asked.
‘Me too. I wanna box as well,’ Ricky said.
Eddie gently banged their heads together. ‘Only if you behave yourselves in between.’
‘We will, we promise,’ they both said.
Gary and Ricky both loved boxing. Eddie had sent them up to Peacock Gym in Canning Town at quite a young age and they were both good little prospects, according to their trainer.
Hyped up, Gary and Ricky went out the back to practise their sparring.
‘What party’s that, then?’ Jessica asked, sitting down next to Eddie.
‘Pat Murphy’s. The kids will love it. He has clowns, all sorts of entertainment for them, it’ll give you a chance to meet some of the other wives as well. Next Sunday, it is.’
Jessica squeezed his hand. He was such a softie, her Ed. A real family man. ‘It sounds wonderful. Roll on next week,’ she said, kissing him gently.
‘Mum, Dad, Joey won’t give me my new doll back,’ Frankie whinged.
Seeing his son cradle the doll, Eddie bent down and snatched it away from him. ‘The Tonka truck’s yours. Boys don’t play with dolls, Joey.’
Lip trembling, Joey looked at his father. ‘Sorry, Daddy.’
Eddie put on some music and the rest of the evening swam by.
‘Do you want my body, am I really sexy?’ Joyce sang, getting all Rod Stewart’s lyrics wrong.
Aware that she was pointing at him, Stanley turned his back. ‘Don’t start all that, Joycie, will yer?’
Not used to drinking large amounts of alcohol, Joyce felt her legs go from under her. ‘Oh dear, I think I’m drunk,’ she said, as she clung on to the sofa for dear life.
‘Are you OK, Mum?’ Jessica said, helping her up.
‘Yes, dear. Actually, I feel wonderful.’
Embarrassed, as he’d never witnessed either of his parents so pissed before, Raymond jumped into action. ‘I think we should all call it a night now and get some shut-eye. Give me a hand, Dad, to help Mum up the stairs.’
Used to being told what to do, Stanley jumped to order. ‘Goodnight all,’ he yawned.
Eddie winked at Raymond. ‘I hope the sofa’s comfortable enough for ya. I’ll put the kids to bed and we’ll speak again in the morning,’ he said.
The twins were crashed out on the floor, so Jessica lifted up Joey and Eddie grabbed Frankie. ‘Where’s Gary and Ricky?’ she asked.
Eddie laughed. ‘I told ’em they could have one can of lager and I’m sure the little bastards had about three. I had to help them into bed about an hour ago. I put ’em in Joey’s room.’
Jessica giggled. It had been their first proper get-together in their new home and she had loved every single minute of it.
Whether it was due to the amount of sherry she’d drunk, Joyce wasn’t sure, but for the first time in years, she felt amorous. ‘Stanley, wake up,’ she said, poking her husband in the ribs.
Receiving no response, she moved her hand around a bit. ‘Stanley,’ she said seductively.
Aware of a hand around his cobblers, Stanley jumped up like a bush kangaroo. ‘What the fuck! What are you doing, woman? Have you gone mad?’
Jessica just happened to be passing the guest room as her father bolted out in his Y-fronts.
‘Whatever’s the matter?’ she asked, noticing his shocked expression.
Stanley held his hand over his parcel. ‘It’s your mother – she’s having a funny turn.’
‘What, is she ill?’ Jessica said, panicking.
‘No, not that kind of funny turn,’ Stanley said, embarrassed.
Realising what had happened, Eddie grabbed Jessica and dragged her into their bedroom. Hysterical, he could barely speak for laughing.
‘Your mother’s after a bunk-up.’
‘Oh, don’t say that,’ Jessica said, mortified.
Hearing raised voices, Jessica poked her head around the bedroom door.
‘I mean it, Joycie, if you touch me again in that way, I’ll go and sleep downstairs in the armchair,’ she heard her father say.
Hand over her mouth, Jessica stood in stupefied shock. ‘I can’t believe it,’ she said to Eddie.
Unable to stop laughing, Eddie grabbed her and threw her onto the bed. ‘You are so naive, Jessica Mitchell, and do you know what? I fucking well love you for it.’
AFTER DROPPING HIS two boys home early on Sunday evening, Eddie shot up to the Flag for a prearranged meet with his dad, brothers and uncle.
As he explained that he’d offered Raymond a place in the family firm, Ronny flew into one of his tantrums. ‘He’s a fucking outsider. How do you know he ain’t a grass? He could rob us blind for all you know,’ he screamed at Eddie.
Harry Mitchell did his best to defuse the situation. He took Ronny outside the pub and, knowing the best way to handle his son, spoke to him gently and respectfully.
‘Look, Ronny, I know you’ve got your doubts about Ed taking on someone new, but he knows what he’s doing. Raymond’s no stranger to us. He’s been working for Eddie on the scrap for years and seeing as he’s Jessica’s brother, he’s got family ties with us, ain’t he?’
‘But I don’t wanna share my cut of the profits. The fact is, Dad, we don’t need anybody else, especially a fucking kid,’ Ronny argued.
Harry put an arm around his shoulder. ‘Look, Raymond’s only on trial at first. Chances are, he might not be what Eddie’s looking for and it won’t work out anyway. If you’re concerned about him being young and wet behind the ears, have a word with Eddie, get him to set up a task, see if Raymond’s cut out for our line of work.’
The fact that his dad was taking him seriously for once was enough to make Ronny calm down. ‘Maybe you’re right, Dad. Testing the cunt out ain’t such a bad idea. There’s a couple of people been fucking around with us lately. That big skinhead geezer, Mad Dave, owes us a lot of wedge and ain’t breaking his neck to pay it back. How about if the wonderful Raymond pays him a visit? Mad Dave’s about six foot three. He’s a massive bastard, with arms like tree trunks. Let’s see how the dear little apprentice pits his wits against him, eh?’
