‘Sammy’s brother, Billy. You know, the one who’s in intensive care, who nearly lost his leg,’ Frankie said innocently.
Clocking the words ‘Billy’, ‘leg’ and ‘intensive care’, Jed grabbed Frankie’s arm and quickly dragged her from the room.
‘Jed, you’re hurting me. What’s the matter?’ Frankie asked bemused.
Away from his parents’ eyes and ears, Jed turned to her. ‘Me mum and dad don’t know about me cousin Billy, Frankie.’
‘What do you mean they don’t know? I thought you said that all your family were up the hospital with you. I knew your mum and dad weren’t, as I saw their lights on last night, but surely someone must have told them.’
Jed paused. He was good at making up stories and quickly thought of his answer. ‘Me cousin Billy ain’t on me mum’s side of the family. We wanted to tell her and Dad, but because we thought that Billy might die last night, we decided it was best not to. You gotta remember, Frankie, it weren’t long ago that me mum miscarried and lost the chavvie. You weren’t living here at the time, but her and me dad were distraught. Billy being at death’s door would have brought it all back to them and I love my parents, Frankie, I can’t have ’em upset again.’
Frankie couldn’t apologise enough. Jed was the most thoughtful person she had ever met and she had such a big mouth. ‘I am so sorry,’ she said, as she clung to him.
Jed kissed her on the forehead. ‘It ain’t your fault, babe. I should have explained the situation to you. Don’t worry, I’ll make up some story to me mum, she won’t be none the wiser.’
‘Are you sure she won’t know, Jed? I’d feel terrible if I’ve put my big foot in it. I wouldn’t upset your mum or dad for the world.’
Jed looked at Frankie’s worried expression and smiled. When they’d first met, Frankie had thought she was a match for his cleverness. She’d obviously rated herself far too highly, bless her.
Joycie had had a wonderful evening. Joey and Dominic had both been entertaining and charismatic. Hilda and Rita were gobsmacked when she’d given them a full guided tour of the house, then told them it was now all hers. They’d seen the house on the day of Jessica’s funeral, but they’d never seen the upstairs before and they were really impressed with the size of the bedrooms.
Jock and Stanley had talked pigeons most of the night, but this didn’t bother Joyce for once. She was a bit tiddly, happy in a strange sort of way, and decided it was each to their own. The words hen or cock usually grated on her, but they didn’t seem to bother her at all this evening.
Returning from the lavatory, Joyce sat back down in her chair. Joey and Dominic looked really happy together and now she’d got her head around their unusual situation, she was thrilled for them. She topped up her glass and stood up.
‘I have an announcement to make, everybody,’ she said, tapping her glass with a spoon.
Stanley, who had been busy talking to Jock, quickly realised that his wife was drunk. ‘Sit down, Joycie. Don’t make a show of yourself,’ he said, tugging the sleeve of her dress.
Joycie ignored him. She’d read up on homosexuality and she was ready to give her speech on the matter. ‘I want to tell you about my grandson, Joey,’ she said proudly.
Hilda, Rita and Jock all nodded. Guessing what was coming, Dominic squeezed Joey’s hand under the table.
Stanley stood up. ‘Come on, Joyce, let’s get you to bed, love,’ he said, thoroughly embarrassed. It was obvious where this conversation was leading.
Joyce pushed his hand away. She smiled at Joey and Dominic before continuing. ‘Last week, or was it the week before – I can’t remember? – but my grandson Joey brought Dominic over here for a meal.’
As his nan paused to slurp some more wine, Joey looked nervously at his grandad. Joey was extremely proud of what he was, but he hadn’t expected this showcase.
With her glass now empty, Joyce poured a refill and carried on. ‘I want everybody here tonight to know something very important. My grandson Joey is a gay man and I couldn’t be happier about it.’
Hilda, Rita and Jock sat open-mouthed as Joycie ordered both Joey and Dominic to stand up. ‘Tell ’em you’re gay, Joey. Go on Dominic, tell ’em you’re both homosexuals,’ she ordered.
Extremely embarrassed, Joey and Dominic looked at one another in horror.
‘Go on tell ’em. I’ve been reading up on the subject and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. One of the Krays was gay and so was that John Inman, you know, he was in that programme, Are You Being Served? Then there was Larry Grayson and Rock Hudson. You tell ’em, boys; there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.’
Dominic was the first to speak. ‘Yes, I am gay,’ he said awkwardly, not knowing where to look.
Joyce patted Joey on the arm. ‘Come on, love. Stand up and be proud. Tell ’em you like a bit of willy.’
‘For fuck’s sake, Joycie,’ Stanley shouted. How could she show him up like this in front of Jock?
Joyce ignored her husband’s pleas and began to cackle. She’d just thought of something extremely funny. She pointed at both Stanley and Jock.
‘Yous two have more in common with these boys than you think. All you ever do is talk about your cocks. And you’re always playing with one another’s.’
As Stanley bolted from the room, Joycie pulled her grandson out of his chair. ‘Now that miserable old goat’s sodded off, you can tell everyone, Joey.’
By this time Joey was as red as a beetroot. ‘I’m gay,’ he whispered.
Clapping her hands with delight, Joyce broke into song. ‘Congratulations and celebrations,’ she sang gleefully.
‘You’re popular, Mitchell,’ the screw said as he waved a pile of letters in front of Eddie.
The post had been up the creek for well over a week now and all the inmates had been up in arms about it. At a time like Christmas, receiving cards and letters was the only thing to keep some of the lags going. One poor sod had hung himself two days ago because he hadn’t heard a word from his wife.
Ed snatched at the letters. ‘Now, now, Mitchell. Where’s your manners? Say thank you.’
Desperate for some correspondence with the outside world, Eddie begrudgingly mumbled the word ‘thanks’. He hated Carter, the new screw on his wing. He was a cocky fucker and seemed to get a kick out of winding the inmates up. Unfortunately for Ed, he hadn’t seen young Johnny or Fred since the day he’d attacked Big Baz. Word had it that both had been suspended, then moved to another wing.
Eddie had the cell all to himself as Stuart was at a meeting with his brief. Feeling excited, Ed studied the envelopes and put the letters in order. He knew who most of them were from by the handwriting or postcode, but there were two or three he didn’t recognise at all.
He
