that she didn’t have that parenting gene. There were days that she loved the idea of raising her nephew, of someday being the person he ran to at the end of school, eager to tell her about his day. There were more nights that she lay awake, scared to death that she would never be able to fill that place in his life, and that he would never want her to be that person.
Beatrice had told her to take her time. In family therapy she’d learned to give him space and to not react when he pushed her away. It was hard, because every time he pushed her away, her heart took it personally.
When it hurt, like it did just then, she reminded herself that her pain was nothing compared to Colby’s.
Her coffee was finished. She put a lid on the thermal mug and grabbed the book Tanner had left for her. She had thirty minutes to get to the ranch. She’d promised Bea she would put some finishing touches on the ranch library, and she wanted to apply for another grant.
* * *
When Macy pulled up to the main house of the Silver Star, Beatrice’s car was in the drive. Flint, the ranch foreman, was just walking down the front steps. He tipped his hat in greeting but went on, heading for the barn. Macy got out of her car and strode up to the house. Beatrice met her at the front door.
“Hey, Macy, I wasn’t expecting you today.”
Macy held the book out, and Bea took it, perplexed, her eyes narrowed as she studied it.
“What’s this for?” Bea asked.
“I thought you might know. Tanner must have brought it to the school.” She handed over the note.
“You didn’t see him leave it?”
She shook her head. “No. I found it in the book bag I carry.”
Bea motioned her inside. “That doesn’t sound like Tanner. He doesn’t do things willy-nilly like that.”
“He asked me if I would read to the boys. I told him I’d have to think about it. I thought maybe he left it, hoping I’d say yes.”
Bea led the way to the big kitchen at the back of the house. “Would you like a cup of tea?”
“That would be nice.”
Bea put the teapot on to boil, and then she leaned against the counter, still giving the book her full attention. “Tanner should be here in a bit. We’re going to see what we can find on our missing ranch alumni. You can ask him if and why he would leave a book for you. But if he did do this, don’t feel as if you have to do what he’s asking. I think you already do enough.”
“I love doing what I can for the ranch, Bea. It’s my way of giving back. You all rescued us. I’m not sure what would have happened to Colby if he hadn’t gotten a spot here.”
“I think you would have found him help. Go easy on yourself, Macy. Colby isn’t the only one who has suffered. You lost your brother.”
Unexpected tears burned at the backs of her eyes, and her throat constricted. Macy nodded, because if she opened her mouth, she might cry.
Bea placed a comforting hand on her arm. “Give yourself time to grieve. I think you have a tendency to go full throttle, fixing things. Some situations need time.”
“I know. I’m just afraid. What if I can’t be the person Colby needs me to be? What if he never gets over being angry? Eleanor Mack and I have discussed this several times. We understand anger and sadness at the loss of his parents, but it seems like the anger is magnified, and we don’t know why.”
Bea poured water in two cups. The fragrant aroma of herbal tea filled the air with hints of cinnamon and clove.
“I would agree with Eleanor. Colby is an especially angry little boy. But give it time. We’ll figure out what is going on. Once we get to the root of the problem, we can start working on making the two of you a family. I know you’re afraid you can’t do this. We all feel that way when we are looking a problem head-on and thinking that this is our future. In time you come to a place where you realize you’ve survived it, and that, through it all, God made you a little stronger.”
“Thanks, Bea. I hope you’re right.”
Bea chuckled, “Haven’t you been told? I’m always right.”
“And if she isn’t, she’ll find a way to convince you she is.” Katie Ellis, in her twenties and receptionist of the boys ranch, entered the room. She got a cup and added a tea bag before pouring water.
“Katie, you know I’m always right.” Bea pushed the sugar jar to the pretty blonde receptionist. “Oh, did I tell you that Pastor Walsh is coming by for Bible study with the boys? He has a new video series he wants to do with them.”
Katie turned a little pink at the mention of the Haven Community Church pastor. “I’ll make sure the meeting room is ready.”
“That would be good. And you might offer to help him out.” Bea grinned as she made the suggestion.
“I would, but I have to do laundry tonight.” Katie headed for the door with her tea. “I’m going to head home. Is there anything else you need?”
“Nothing at all,” Bea called out to her. And then to Macy, “That girl. Pretty as they come and sweet, but she’s never really dated.”
Dating, the last thing Macy wanted to discuss. She smiled and reached into her purse for the information she’d found on the many Avery Culpeppers.
“I found all of this last night. Maybe one of these will be Avery Culpepper, granddaughter. A few of them even live in Texas.”
“You’ve been busy,” Bea said as she looked over the list.
“I don’t have much to do in the evenings.”
Bea looked at her over the top of her glasses. “That’s going to change when we get Colby home to you.”
“I hope so, Bea. I really hope.”
“It’ll happen sooner than you know. I realize the two of you had a rough visit when he tried the weekend pass. But that was a big event, going home for the first time since coming here. There are a lot of memories, a lot he has to deal with. We’ll try another pass soon, but for now we’ll stick with day passes. He might do better with a few hours just to let him get used to being at home with you.”
Macy must have made a face, because Bea patted her hand. “And that will give you a chance to get used to being the mom. He’s going to need you, Macy.”
She nodded, unable to give voice to her concerns. Booted footsteps interrupted the conversation. A moment later Tanner appeared in the kitchen. He was tall and broad-shouldered, ruggedly handsome, and for the better part of the year Macy had lived in Haven, he’d ignored her.
She could think of several reasons. Folks in small towns weren’t always eager to welcome outsiders. Or maybe he didn’t like that she’d made a mess of her relationship with Colby. He was protective of the kids on the ranch. She couldn’t fault him for that.
“Are we having a meeting about our missing alumni?” He cut a path to the coffeepot
