there for anyone to see in everything you do with them,” Kelly said. “You’ve sensed that Emma isn’t herself so you’re trying to figure out what’s troubling her. I’ve watched you give Jacob Samuel extra cosseting when he’s fussing, seen you rein in headstrong Sadie in a gentle but firm way.” She leaned forward, utterly serious. “You don’t see their individual traits as problems but as wonderful parts of their personality to be enhanced and explored. You are their father now, Sam, in every way that counts.”
“Thank you.” Sam’s throat jammed at her generous words.
“This is where you belong, caring for them,” Kelly said. “But I don’t. I’ll stay for six months. Then I have to go.”
“Have to?” he asked softly.
“Yes.” She sounded sad. “You have the ranch, your parents, the kids. They’re an integral part of your world. They define you.”
“What defines you?” he asked.
“My career. Without that, I have nothing.” Kelly rose regally, like the princess in her story.
Sam’s heart ached for her as she walked toward the door, a solitary figure. She stopped there and turned around.
“Until I leave, I’ll do everything I can to help you. You only have to ask.” Her brown eyes narrowed, held him. “I have just one request.”
“Name it.” Sam would have promised anything, that was how relieved he was that Kelly was staying. At least for now.
“Don’t tell my mother I intend to leave. Not yet. Let her think I’m here for good.” A painful smile barely lifted Kelly’s wide mouth. “Maybe over the next few months she’ll begin to see who I am.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Don’t let her control you, Sam. I couldn’t bear for her to make Sadie as unhappy as I once was.”
Kelly left, her tread soundless down the hallway. Sam mulled over the little bit she’d told him and realized that all he’d learned was that there was a vast chasm between mother and daughter. For the next six months he would accept whatever help Kelly offered. But he was also going to try to help her rebuild her relationship with her mom. Maybe if he did that, maybe if he could make her feel she was a necessary and integral part of this new family they were forging, then she wouldn’t want to leave. Maybe Kelly would make a new life here.
It seemed important to help Kelly, though Sam was doing it for the kids’ sake. He liked his sister-in-law and wanted her to be happy. She was also one of the most beautiful women he’d ever known. He enjoyed having someone his age to talk to and share his world. Yet he could picture Kelly in twenty years, still here on the ranch. Of course, that could be just his lonely imagination.
Kelly would make a wonderful mother for the kids. But she could never be more than his sister-in-law because Sam wasn’t going to let romance into his life again. He wasn’t going to make himself that vulnerable, and he sure wasn’t going to give God another chance to ignore him.
In truth, Sam’s dream of sharing the future with a woman was as dead as his dream of travel. But he could be, would be, a father to Jake’s kids. To do that, he’d take every bit of help Kelly offered.
It seemed the entire town of Buffalo Gap turned out for the joint funeral of Marina and Jake Denver. For Kelly, busy preparing the kids and answering their many questions, the full impact of this final goodbye finally hit on Saturday afternoon as she sat in a pew next to Sam, listening to Pastor Don speak of the couple with love.
“We can’t wish them back, though we miss them terribly,” he said. “They’re in a much better place, with their heavenly Father, at peace in His presence. We must trust Him to help us look past our own grief to help the family they’ve left behind. The children Jake and Marina loved so much will need us to be there, to listen, to comfort and to support. So will their families. It’s time to show our love, people.”
There was more, but the rest of the words flew over Kelly’s head as her gaze meshed with Sam’s. He looked utterly bereft, so terribly sad that it hurt to look at him. She had to do something. Kelly slipped her hand into his and squeezed. He turned his head and studied her for a long moment before he returned the squeeze. A very faint smile tilted his lips before his attention slid to the front of the church and settled on the large photo of Jake and Marina laughing at some shared joke. Sam had told her this morning that he’d taken that picture, snapped it the day Marina had learned she was pregnant with Jacob Samuel.
Oh, Marina.
Emotions of all descriptions tore through Kelly; loss, grief, guilt, pain—but most of all a question. Why? She wanted so badly to understand why God had chosen this way and yet, hadn’t she learned not to question His will? She kept her head bowed to hide her expression from the kids until Sam’s fingers, still holding hers, returned the squeeze a second time. He leaned toward her.
“She’s happy,” he murmured in her ear. “We have to remember that.”
Kelly nodded, surprised by how easily his soft words and gentle touch soothed her sore heart. Finally, the service was over. They filed out of the church and into limos that took them to the graveyard. Kelly heard her mother’s sobs but kept her focus on the kids, watching for signs that she was needed, stuffing down the grief that waited to overwhelm her.
She and Sam had carefully explained every step to the twins, who stood clinging to each other, silenced by the somber occasion, though their big blue eyes took in every detail. Jacob Samuel slept quietly in his uncle’s arms, his thumb shoved between his lips.
Once everyone was gathered in the graveyard with the chilly wind tugging at their garments, Pastor Don spoke about the resurrection when they would see Jake and Marina again. After a gentle prayer, the matching caskets were lowered into the cold ground.
“Ashes to ashes...” The familiar words took on new meaning as Pastor Don tossed a handful of dirt over the caskets and then led them in reciting the Lord’s Prayer. Then it was over, the sad celebration for two vibrant lives.
It was over but Kelly couldn’t move. Time seemed to freeze. It isn’t enough, she wanted to yell. There should be something more to leave the mark of two wonderful people. But she couldn’t dwell on that. Her job was to ensure the twins were all right. She glanced sideways at the two small girls who, hand in hand, stepped to the edge of the grave. They hadn’t discussed this. Kelly glanced at Sam, knew he was about to restrain them until Sadie spoke.
“Bye, Mommy and Daddy. We love you.”
Emma simply whispered, “Bye.” Then after a moment she added, “We’ll look after Jacob Samuel.”
Kelly could no more have stopped her tears than stopped breathing. A quick check told her Sam’s eyes were also moist. He handed Jacob Samuel to his mother then drew Kelly with him to stand beside the girls. Then he hunkered down and wrapped an arm around each of them.
“I’m very proud of you two,” he said, his voice cracked and broken with love. “I love you very much. I always will.”
“We love you, too, Uncle Sam.” Sadie, always the most verbal, kissed him on one cheek, and Emma kissed him on the other before drawing Kelly into their circle.
“Sadie
