She couldn’t help seeing things for what they were, but she had learned to keep most of these observations to herself. She tried her best to acquiesce to the accepted viewpoint, seemingly agreeing with all that was politically correct in an effort to fit in with those around her. At times she felt like a chameleon, always changing her own brilliant colors to mimic the much less appealing ones of those around her. There were times when she even doubted herself, wondering if she really was viewing things correctly after all, but her efforts to change only gave more credence to her original viewpoint and she was obliged, however reluctantly, to keep it. So now, to actually share that viewpoint with another person—a man, no less—and actually have it cause him to stop and think was terribly exciting for her. Dan, for all of his optimistic thinking—she had spotted that in him immedi-ately—was not one to ignore a strong argument that had merit. She waited eagerly to see what he would do with the ideas she had shared with him, sipping on her drink in the interim.
Dan swallowed his steak and looked at her. Just as Maryanne expected, he was cleverly going to place the ball back in her court by pointing out some similar inconsistencies in women. “You know,” he began tentatively and thoughtfully, clearly enjoying the conversation as well, “there are plenty of women out there who lose interest in men, too, after they’ve had their way with them…playing all kinds of cruel games and generally screwing with their heads.”
But Maryanne had already thought of this. “If you think about it for a minute,” she countered, “you will realize that that actually proves my original point. A woman who plays head games with a guy usually isn’t all that interested in him to begin with. She either wants something from him or she’s giving in to his persistent advances for some other reason. She doesn’t have any genuine feelings for him. And this is the point—a woman’s disinterest is the only thing that can hold a man’s interest. He’s still interested in her because he really hasn’t had her yet. She allows him to hang on because it satisfies her need to feel desirable, but since she doesn’t really love him, she’ll just keep using and abusing him. And for as long as she doesn’t care about him, she will keep his full attention. But if she falls in love with him, what happened to that woman over there will eventually happen to her. Even if a man tries to fight this instinct, his soul will be crying out for someone new. He might not have the guts to act on it, like you said—but instinctually he will become more aware and interested in almost every other woman, and she will know.”
Dan was shaking his head, but his mouth was full of food so she continued. “Just think about it. It’s true.”
He forced his food down with a gulp. “So if you really believe this, you go out with a guy, what? Once? Twice? How long before it starts to go to shit?”
“I don’t know,” she replied thoughtfully. “I haven’t figured that out yet.” She dipped her head, suddenly shy, and tapped her long, glossy fingernails together in front of her nervously.
Dan gave her a funny look, but he was smiling. “Come on,” he teased. “You must have an idea. How many dates does it take to get to the jerk inside the man?” he asked with the same rhythm and inflection as the cartoon owl who asked, “How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll lollipop?”
Maryanne laughed. “Remarkably few, if I were to guess.”
“So how am I doing?” he asked. “Will I even make it through the night?” Maryanne looked at him in surprise, and he cleared his throat. “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean that like it sounded. Jeez!” He shook his head. “We are jerks!” But his eyes still sparkled with humor.
“I don’t think of men as jerks,” Maryanne told him. “I just think that relationships between men and women have a short life. Does it have to be somebody’s fault? Women are just as responsible.”
She once again had his full attention. “Go on,” he said, narrowing his eyes dubiously.
“I’m a realist.” She shrugged. “But most women aren’t. They stubbornly deny what is happening and ignore their inner voice that is crying out for attention—attention that can only be found in a new relationship. Now both of them are ignoring her and she really starts to deteriorate. Perhaps women are too sensitive. Perhaps our feminine egos are too fragile. But there it is. Many women just go with it, like that woman over there seems to have done. But you can see by looking at her that something is missing, right? You can see that the life has gone out of her? Probably she’s moderately healthy otherwise, and lives a fairly normal life. But her femininity and passion are utterly gone.”
Dan snuck another glance at the woman and seemed dismayed to find her husband eyeing Maryanne yet again. “Why doesn’t she leave that bastard?” he asked, perturbed.
Maryanne laughed. “When she married him, it had probably already started. That’s why women are so hot on marriage. They think it will bring his interest back. When it doesn’t, I’m sure these women are devastated at first. That’s why Cosmo sells so many magazines with nine hundred different ways to get his attention. But, by then, who knows? Maybe there were kids on the way, or perhaps she depended on him financially. And if you push a part of yourself aside for long enough, it will eventually die.” She looked at him. “You see, he couldn’t help that her loving him took all the intrigue away, and she couldn’t help that having no power to intrigue made her unappealing. Both were simply responding to what was.”
“And you still date, believing this?”
She laughed. “Like most women, I am a hopeless romantic.”
“Do you believe in love?”
“I do! That’s just it. But I think that sometimes love means letting go.”
Dan sat there for moment, thinking. “You know,” he said, “what I’d like to do is prove you wrong. I really would. But in order to do that, I’m assuming I’d have to come up with some evidence. Maybe find some shmuck out there who’s actually still enamored by the woman in his life. That’s really what we’re talking about here, right? She wants to feel special. She wants him to treat her like she’s special, even though the instinct inside him is saying, ’Been there, done that, losing interest,’ right?” He waited for her to nod her head. “I think there are men out there like that. Men who are more interested in the woman they’re with than any other women.”
“Well!” said Maryanne, impressed. She couldn’t help finding his optimistic, I-would-like-to-fix-this attitude extremely attractive. “You thinking it and it being true are different things,” she reminded him.
“Okay, but, come on now,” he said in an extremely reasonable, almost reproving tone of voice. “Your thinking that you’re right doesn’t necessarily make it true, either.”
And in that moment Maryanne knew that she was hooked. What she was going to do about it, she hadn’t yet decided. But what she had discovered in him so far—his intelligence, his open-mindedness and now, his strength of character—made him suddenly seem irresistible. She knew that her instincts had already singled him out. And in that instant, in that sudden moment of realization, she felt joy—but only for that single instant. For in the next, she had already begun to mourn the inevitable loss.
“Touché,” was all she said.
As if he already sensed his victory, Dan settled back in his chair and relaxed. Was it just her imagination, wondered Maryanne, or was he, too, already aware of it?
“Mmm,” Dan murmured thoughtfully. “So now all I have to do is find a man who is smart enough to override this…instinct, as you call it, and continue to show an interest
