described to Gaby that, in his mind’s eye, he was sitting by himself on a warm beach, happy and alone, basking in the sun. Gaby noted that he said he was alone and asked if he felt alright in his aloneness. ‘Oh, yes, I’m very happy. I like to be alone.’ It seemed clear that he was genuinely content, so Gaby continued with the process.
In his mind’s eye Gerald walked through the door, greeted his mentor and together they stepped into an imaginary space shuttle – so magical that it can carry you safely and gracefully into any part of the body. It carries you to the specific place where an emotional issue is stored. Gerald loved ‘cruising’ in the space shuttle and it guided him very easily and naturally to a part of his body where a specific cell memory was stored. Surprisingly, the memory had almost the opposite feeling to the beach scene. Apparently, when he was about three-and-a-half years old his parents had taken him to a firework display on a warm summer’s night. Everyone screamed and ‘oohed’ and ‘aahed’ as the explosions in the sky blasted one after the other, but Gerald kept telling his parents that he didn’t feel comfortable and he didn’t want to be there. Sitting in the dark, not knowing what was coming next, then the blinding light followed by huge thunderous explosions, the screams of excitement coming from everywhere, from faces he couldn’t even see – it was all too much for him. All he craved was a nice warm quiet place where he could just rest peacefully. He tried to express himself, but the more he spoke up, the more his parents ‘shushed’ him, overriding his discomfort and softly coaxing him not to be a baby – ‘Everyone else is enjoying it.’
To many of us, this may seem like a harmless enough memory. Haven’t we all been ‘shushed’ at some time or another? Haven’t we all been told in some way or other that ‘children should be seen and not heard’? And yet what made this particular memory so potent was that Gerald was extremely scared; he was in a peak emotional state. Repeatedly the loud noises and screams frightened him anew and yet he was basically told to ‘stuff it’. So he shut down internally. His body got the message: ‘If I feel a strong emotion and express it, I’ll just be made to shut up.’ From that he construed: ‘It’s not OK to feel those feelings and it’s certainly not OK to express them.’ In that realization, something happened inside Gerald: ‘If I’m not allowed to feel or express my feelings, then I’d rather be alone. That way I won’t have anyone around me to stir up scary or intense emotions, and I can feel safe just to be myself.’ At three and a half he’d already experienced the crystallizing event that would change the whole way he viewed the world, and indeed change his personality. In that moment a loner was born.
So often we wonder what makes one child so outgoing and another so tentative and retiring. Often mothers and fathers will say innocently, ‘Well, she’s been like that since she was a toddler – it’s just her personality.’ Yet that crystallizing ‘shut-down’ can have such a profound effect that often as adults we enter into intimate relationships and wonder why we just can’t feel the connection or the closeness. Somehow we can feel love in our own hearts for the other person, but their love doesn’t seem to penetrate into the deepest part of us. Often, we’ll go to parties and wonder, ‘Why is it that in the midst of this crowd, I feel alone? I know everyone, we all get on, everyone is friendly and caring, and yet I feel like an outsider.’ Well, that pattern may have started with an early childhood shut-down just like Gerald’s.
Perhaps you are already aware of the extraordinary research that has recently been published in the field of cellular biology. Dr Candace Pert, author of the bestselling book Molecules of Emotion, is a well-known cellular biologist who works in Washington, DC. On a number of occasions she has spoken to the US Congress about her amazing findings on the effect that repressed emotions have on our cells. What she has unequivocally discovered is that whenever we have an intense, powerful emotion that we repress or shut down, specific chemical changes take place in our bodies. These can affect certain cell receptors, blocking those cells from communicating with the other cells in our bodies. If these affected cells remain blocked over a long period of time then there is an increased likelihood that if disease occurs, it will occur in the part of the body where the cell receptors are blocked.
Perhaps this may help explain why it is that one seemingly harmless event like Gerald being shushed at the firework display had such a potent and long-term effect: the cell memory and its programming got passed on from one cell generation to the next. The actual memory occurred at only three-and-a-half years of age, yet the pattern and the decision made from that memory were still running on automatic pilot at eight years of age.
The internalization ‘Being around others might make me feel intense and scary emotions and as I’m not allowed to feel or express those, I’d rather be alone’, that entire consciousness, that programming, got passed from cell generation to cell generation.
In order to negatively programme our cells, we have to be in a peak emotional state and we have to repress that emotion at the time. This repressive action is what releases the chemistry that can begin the programming or blocking process. Gerald had experienced both sides of the equation – he had been in a peak emotional state and had repressed his feelings.
What Candace Pert also observed is that when we feel and express our emotions healthily, fully and wholesomely, our cell receptors remain open.
What The Journey process does is to guide you in a safe, gentle and wholesome way to specific cell memories, so that you can finally feel and release the stored pain, let go of the story and memory and forgive the people involved. Then you are given healthy, empowering internal emotional resources so that you can wholesomely and freely respond to life in the future.
When Gerald finished his process, not only had he finally faced and released all the intense emotion from that memory but he had wholeheartedly forgiven his parents. He also received a whole set of resource balloons which helped give his body and being positive and healthy reprogramming. He was given a balloon that allowed him to feel safe, even when there is loud noise and excitement around him, and another balloon that let him feel safe in a crowd. He received balloons of courage, self-confidence, the ability to play with others, light-heartedness, joy and the ability to feel his emotions, to express himself clearly and to share his feelings at the right time with his parents and peers.
After his process, Gaby noticed that at first Gerald remained on the outskirts of what was happening with the other kids. But slowly and tentatively he began to join in, and by the end of the day he was playing as rambunctiously and noisily as all the other kids. When they all did the ‘Monkey Rap’ song, where they all mirror each other in monkey gestures to loud and joyous music, Gerald couldn’t stop laughing as he pretended to be a mischievous monkey mimicking the movements of an eight-year-old girl.
Previously, Gerald was destined to be a loner. Who knows? Maybe now he will end up being the life and soul of the party, a shining star in his world.
Dear Brandon
My name is Lindsay Wilson. I am turning 13 this year. I am a boy who did the Children’s Journey workshop in 2002. I really enjoyed it because, while I was there I got to meet new people; adults and children – people I wouldn’t normally meet. All day long we got to play and have fun and games and we got to know everyone and how everyone felt.
I got to do this special Journey, just for me. It was really good, because I got to express a lot of my feelings and work out a lot of my problems with my Dad. Now that I’m working things out with my Dad, we’re getting along a lot better.
After the Journey, I felt a lot better and a big weight was taken off my chest and felt free to get on with the rest of my life. HOORAY!
I get on easily with my family and friends now and I’m not so angry anymore. Before, people couldn’t touch me or bump into me without me getting angry and hitting them – even if they said they were sorry.
Now,
