back into the ice cream wasn’t the answer.
She brushed her hair, checked her armpits and headed off for the mindfulness session with an open mind – and, if she was honest, a spark of interest in seeing Charlie again. She told herself she needed to thank the kindly policeman, but it wouldn’t do any harm to check whether he was seeing anyone. If anything he might make a pleasant distraction.
The community centre where the session was held wasn’t far, and she decided to walk to save the meagre amount of petrol she had in her car in case she needed it to get to a job interview – she was trying to remain hopeful. The community centre was a simple affair, so it was easy to find the large room with a circle of chairs and a hotchpotch of locals milling about. She watched the interesting mix of people through the glass in the door and began to reconsider. Was this really for her?
‘Hello, I’m Cressy,’ said a tall woman with neat grey hair and a long, flowing cardigan. ‘First time?’ Regan nodded. There was no sign of Charlie and she was starting to wonder if this had been a bad idea. ‘Tea or coffee?’ asked Cressy, beckoning her inside.
‘Um …’ Regan checked her pockets for the fiver she’d brought in case there was a charge.
‘It’s free, and there’s biscuits. Custard creams this week.’ Cressy had a warm smile.
‘Coffee, please. Lots of milk.’
‘You take a seat. Pop your details on here,’ she said, handing Regan a clipboard, ‘and I’ll get your drink.’
Regan scanned the form. It was all basic stuff. She began filling it in but the pen was running out. She scratched it on the edge of the paper and it worked, but as soon as she tried to write in the boxes it stopped. She sighed. Why did pens do that?
‘I had that problem,’ said a nasal voice to her left. ‘I’m Chris. That’s me.’ He leaned over and ran his finger along the line above Regan’s. She gave a tight smile and gave up on the form. She scanned the people taking seats. These weren’t her kind of people. What was she even doing here? There was no point staying just in case Charlie showed up. He wasn’t that cute, it wasn’t worth it.
She stood up to leave, but Cressy took the clipboard from her and swapped it for her coffee.
‘Biscuits are on their way round,’ she said, taking a seat nearby. If she left now she’d miss out on a free biscuit. She’d stay for a bit.
‘Welcome to Mantra, everyone,’ said Cressy. The chatter ceased and everyone looked in her direction. ‘While we’re finishing drinks …’
The door at the back of the hall creaked open and Charlie rushed in. He took a seat, nodding greetings to some of the others until his eyes alighted on Regan. He gave her a slow, almost regal nod. She liked that he was surprised to see her. She twitched an eyebrow in a ‘See, told you so’ response.
‘Sorry I’m late,’ said Charlie.
‘That’s fine. I was just welcoming our new members,’ Cressy peered closely at the form, ‘Chris and Reg?’ Regan sprang to life, almost spilling her coffee. She held on tightly to the mug and tried to ignore Charlie, who was tittering nearby.
‘Hello, I’m Chris,’ said Chris.
Regan felt all eyes land on her. ‘Hi. I’m Regan.’
‘Oh,’ said Cressy, studying the form. ‘It says Reg.’
‘The pen was running out,’ Regan tried to explain, but nobody seemed to hear.
‘Like the president?’ asked an older woman in a brightly coloured kaftan.
‘If you mean Ronald Reagan,’ started Regan, and the woman nodded, ‘then no, that was pronounced Ray-gun. Mine’s Ree—’
‘I had an Uncle Reg.’ A man with Harry Potter-style glasses cut her off. ‘Jolly nice chap. Nice to meet you.’ This set off a series of welcomes from around the circle and ended with Charlie.
‘Lovely to see you again, Reg,’ said Charlie, failing to control a smirk.
Great, thought Regan. She’d have her free coffee and biscuit, if the packet ever made its way around to her, and then she’d escape.
‘Would someone like to share what mindfulness means to them?’ Cressy looked hopefully around the group.
‘I will,’ said the lady in the kaftan. ‘I’m Wendy and I had a stroke six months ago. So for me, mindfulness is about teaching my brain to keep focused. It’s about staying calm, not getting frustrated about all the things I can’t do, and focusing on the many things I can do.’
‘Thanks, Wendy. Anyone else?’
The man in Harry Potter specs put his hand up. ‘This is only my fourth session. I’m getting over a breakdown. I’ll probably always suffer from depression and low mood, but mindfulness helps me to spot the simple pleasures in life rather than giving all the attention to the bad stuff.’
‘Thanks, Joel.’
A bearded face leaned forward. ‘I’m Mandeep and coming to Mantra makes me sleep better.’
A young woman gave a little wave and Cressy nodded at her. ‘I’m Ellie and I’m in remission from cancer and I live in fear of it coming back. Mindfulness helps me take time to order my thoughts and feel calmer.’
Regan knew she was staring. She didn’t know what she had been expecting, but these revelations from these poor people about everything they were going through was definitely not it. On first superficial look they had all seemed perfectly healthy.
She felt like a complete fraud. What did she have to worry about? A few things swamped her mind. Okay, there was stuff to worry about, there always was, but her problems weren’t life-threatening. What these people were dealing with was serious stuff.
‘Thanks, everyone. Right, let’s start with a full body scan,’ said Cressy. ‘Please can you move your chairs to the side and get out the yoga mats.’
Regan was unsettled; she hadn’t been expecting to do yoga, and apart from a couple of people in trackies, nobody else looked like they’d dressed for it. ‘Here you go, Reg,’ said Charlie, putting down a yoga mat for her next to his own.
‘Actually, I’m not sure I …’ she began, but Cressy was talking so she copied Charlie and sat down on the mat with her legs crossed.
‘Now, Chris and Reg,’ said Cressy, and Charlie stifled a laugh. Regan glared at him and he turned his laugh into a cough. ‘Don’t be alarmed, this is really easy. All you need to do is lie down and listen to my voice. Okay?’
Regan and Chris both nodded. Lying down she was good at and, after a few nights scrunched up like a hamster in Cleo’s chair, the opportunity to lie out flat was a welcome one. She stretched out and was pleased with how comfortable the mat was. She wondered if they’d miss one if she borrowed it for a bit.
A few people produced pillows and took off their shoes. Cressy waited until everyone was settled. ‘Close your eyes. Empty your mind. I want you to focus all of your attention on your feet … Specifically your left foot … and your big toe …’
Regan
