‘Oh, and are you strong enough, my little man?’
The boy flexed his muscles. ‘’Course I am!’
Nurse Aileen kept him chatting while Harry enjoyed a quiet moment with his wife.
‘Are you sure you feel able to come home with us?’ he asked her, his heart full.
Sara pressed her finger to Harry’s lips. ‘I’ve been looking forward to it all morning,’ she whispered, and he knew not to argue with her. Besides, though it was a bittersweet thing, after endless weeks of seeing her in a hospital bed, it was so wonderful to be taking her home.
A few minutes later, after thanking Nurse Aileen, the little group left the hospital.
Having got Sara to the car without any difficulty, Harry opened the rear door for Tom, then pushed the front seat back as far as it would go. Gently lifting Sara out of the wheelchair and into the car, he was devastated to realise how thin and weightless his wife had become.
He sensed her looking up at him. Her eyes held his gaze, and though not a word was spoken, the bond between them was a powerful thing; so much so, that he believed he would suffocate. ‘I love you so much,’ he whispered in her ear.
‘Show me how much.’ The pretty brown eyes twinkled mischievously.
Deeply moved, he gazed on her a moment longer, then he leaned forward and, steadying himself with one hand, he placed the other to the side of her face, and then he kissed her – a long, wonderful kiss that told her everything she needed to know.
‘We need to go to the park!’ Full of childish anticipation, Tom was clapping his hands. ‘I want Mammy to see the ducks!’
Sara laughed. ‘You two have already been gadding about the beach and now you want to go to the park?’ Sara was glad that Harry had not yet told their son the truth, but there would be time enough, she thought. It was only right that her darling boy should enjoy the magic in his carefree world, for just a while longer.
She worried about them both; especially Harry. He would have no one to console him, while Tom would always have his daddy. She thought of Irish Kathleen, and not for the first time she prayed with all her heart that Harry would keep his promise and return to Fisher’s Hill, the place where he was born. He still had friends there; people who had cared for him as a boy, and whom he had badly missed over the years.
Sara knew that for Harry, going back to face his demons would not be easy. But it would be a fresh start for both him and young Tom.
She truly believed it was the right thing for her husband and son, and it was what she herself wanted. Harry always kept his promises, and she knew he would keep this one; albeit reluctantly.
‘Mammy! You have to come and see!’ Tom was insistent. ‘You have to come and help us feed the ducks!’
‘That’s enough, Tom.’ Harry could see how tired his wife was. ‘I told you we might have to leave it for another day. Your mammy needs to rest. We must take her home.’ Harry was desperate to get her settled and comfortable. ‘We’ll maybe go later – see if your mammy feels up to it then. All right, son?’
On the verge of tears, Tom nodded. ‘All right.’
As he drove away, all manner of things were running through Harry’s mind. Should he tell the boy today … tell him right now, or later when they were all together at home? No! The doctor said not to tell him until it was absolutely necessary. ‘No need upsetting him a minute before you have to,’ that was what he had advised. Yet Harry felt the weight of it like a mountain on his shoulders.
He thought it was wrong not to warn the boy, yet like the doctor, he was coming round to the idea that it might be best if he left it for a while – not too long though. Maybe it could wait until tomorrow, after Sara was back in the hospital.
Yes, that was it, he decided. He would tell young Tom tomorrow.
Giving Sara a reassuring squeeze of the hand, he headed out of the hospital grounds, towards home.
As they travelled along, Sara kept glancing in the rearview mirror; she could see the disappointment in her son’s eyes. Harry was right, she was tired, and she could hardly wait to see her home after all these weeks. But, it was so hard, seeing Tom’s forlorn little face.
Her mind was made up. ‘Head for the park, Harry,’ she said. ‘I really would like to go and see the ducks with you and Tom.’
Tom gave a whoop of joy. ‘I told you! I knew Mammy wanted to see the ducks. Please, Daddy. Please!’
‘Stop it, Tom.’ Harry couldn’t think straight. ‘Be quiet for a minute.’ Turning briefly to Sara, he asked, ‘Are you sure you’re up to it?’
Sara took a moment, before giving her answer. ‘You said this would be my day,’ she reminded him gently. ‘You said I could do whatever I wanted.’
‘I know, but I meant—’
‘I know what you meant. “Within the boundaries” is what you meant. But what’s the sense in having boundaries?’ She gave him a long, quiet look that spoke volumes. ‘If I don’t go right now, I may never get another chance.’
Harry knew she was right, but he could not bring himself to speak of it. Besides, there was nothing he could say that she didn’t already know; that they didn’t both already know.
Behind them, Tom was yelling with excitement.
‘I should have known the two of you would gang up on me,’ Harry groaned. ‘I never could get the better of you pair.’
The park was fairly busy, with young mums pushing their big coach-built prams along and occasionally stopping to point out the ducks and swans to the babies inside. People went strolling by and older men sat on the benches, enjoying their pipes and newspapers; and right there, leaning over the rails, a young woman was feeding her half-eaten sandwich to the clamouring ducks.
Having parked up, Harry switched off the engine and lifted the wheelchair out of the boot. ‘Stay where you are, Tom,’ he told the boy. ‘I’ll get Mammy out first, then we’ll go for a walk round the lake.’
‘I want to come out now!’ Tom was far too excited to remain in the car. ‘I want to show Mammy the duck with the hurt wing.’
‘Just hang on a minute, eh?’ Harry wagged a finger at him. ‘I can’t keep my eye on you and get your mammy out all at the same time.’
Shifting forward in his seat, Tom wound his arms round his mother’s neck. ‘Are you happy, Mammy? Are you glad we brought you to see the ducks?’
Sara took hold of his hands. ‘This is the happiest day of my life,’ she said, and kissed the small warm fingers.
When Harry lifted her into the wheelchair, she held onto him. ‘You won’t forget your promise, will you?’ Weak as she was, her hold on him was vice-like, and the steely look of determination in her eyes took him aback.
‘What do you mean?’ he said. He knew well enough what she meant; but he could not bear to think about it.
Sensing
