and mussing her hair. It was a ‘welcome home’ ritual Brant Redfort had never grown out of.
‘Hey Dad, d’ya wanna cool it, you’re messing with my look!’ said Ruby in a somewhat strangled voice.
‘Oh Brant!’ said Sabina Redfort, pretending to disapprove. ‘For an intelligent man you really can behave like a total nut.’ No one but Sabina would ever describe Brant Redfort as intelligent. Ruby had been born to parents who would never be giving Einstein a run for his money.
In many ways nature had been generous to Brant and Sabina. They had been given an easy charm and likeability, good looks and generous personalities. But for all their fairytale-like graces, they had little going on upstairs in the smart department. However, you would be hard-pressed to meet a more popular couple, and for this reason they headed up just about every committee or fundraising benefit in Twinford – they were what’s known as ‘socialites’.
The Redfort family walked upstairs to the living room and settled down on one of the large white couches.
‘So how was Switzerland?’ said Ruby ‘Oh it was wonderful, just wonderful, if we hadn’t had to get back for the museum launch we would have stayed on longer,’ said Sabina wistfully.
‘Oh yeah, what museum launch is that?’ said Ruby.
‘Ruby, surely you haven’t forgotten about the Jade Buddha of Khotan!’ exclaimed her mother.
‘Sabina honey, she’s pulling your leg,’ said Brant, raising his eyes heavenwards. ‘You have been talking about nothing but the museum launch for the last two months.’
‘Oh very cute!’ laughed Sabina as she pinched Ruby on the cheek.
Ruby’s parents were both wildly excited about the Jade Buddha coming to Twinford. Stolen from the ancient kingdom of Khotan during the 8th century and missing for over a thousand years the Buddha had recently been rediscovered encased in a block of ice somewhere north of Alaska. The archaeologist who dug the artefact out of the glacier was the senior curator of the Twinford City Museum, Dr Enrico Gonzales. In recognition of this monumental and heroic discovery, the people of Khotan had agreed to have the Buddha displayed at the museum for a limited period before it made its long journey home. Brant and Sabina were, of course, on the museum party committee.
‘You guys sure do travel light,’ said Ruby looking around for their suitcases.
‘Oh yes,’ said her mother. ‘The airline managed to lose every piece of our luggage – can you believe it!’
‘So I guess you lost all your vacation pictures too?’ said Ruby hopefully. Ruby had endured many tedious hours of her parents’ vacation snapshots and would go to any reasonable lengths to avoid the misery of a family slide show.
‘No,’ said her father, ‘luckily I kept all the film in my carry-on luggage – I can’t wait to get them developed, you’ll see I got some beautiful shots.’ Ruby considered this unlikely; Brant was a horrible photographer.
After quite a lot of welcoming from a very excited Mrs Digby – ‘Good to have you back at last, you’ve been away too long!’ and a good deal more fussing, ‘You’ve lost weight Mrs R, you need feeding up,’ – supper was ready and the family sat down to eat. Mrs Digby had gone to a lot of trouble with the table and there was a huge floral display which was very difficult to see over or indeed round.
During dinner, Ruby’s parents burbled on about the wonderful hotel and the delicious schnitzel and the beautiful Alps. And the conversation went something like this:
SABINA: ‘Quite the tastiest schnitzel I have ever tasted.’
BRANT: ‘And what about those Alps! Talk about high.’
Until Ruby wished they would start talking about the Jade Buddha again. But then, of course, they did.
SABINA: ‘Speaking of Switzerland, Marjorie mentioned that the Buddha’s glass display case has all been expertly designed by a Swiss expert – no one’s met him, no one – he’s an utter recluse.’
BRANT: ‘Oh yes, that’s right, a fellow named… what’s his name honey?’
RUBY: ‘Klaus Gustav.’
Ruby hadn’t exactly been listening, but she had been party to so many of these discussions that her brain had absorbed all the interesting and less than interesting details.
SABINA: ‘That’s right Ruby! Well, according to Marjorie the glass display case will be the shape of a cylinder and is going to rise up through the museum floor at the stroke of midnight!’
BRANT: ‘How does he do it, do you think?’
SABINA: ‘Beats me! Must be some kind of magician – no one even knows how you get that glass cylinder open – it’s top secret.’
BRANT: ‘Well if their glass is as excellent as their schnitzel we are going to be in for a treat!’
…and they were back to talking about schnitzel again.
Ruby wished hard for some kind of distraction before her brain froze over – and her wish was granted by a loud thud and a high pitched shriek.
‘Whatever in the world was that?’ exclaimed Mrs Redfort.
‘Sounded like dessert,’ said Ruby.
‘What?’ said her mother.
‘I must say having Consuela around is great if you are looking to lose weight but I am afraid our friend Bug has been pounding it on.’
‘Bug’s been putting on weight? What do you mean? Why would Bug put on weight?’ asked Mrs Redfort.
‘On account of all the low flying food in there,’ replied Ruby. ‘Mrs Digby and Consuela throw ingredients at each other nearly every night. Most of it ends up on the floor and Bug is only too happy to clean up, if you know what I mean.’
‘What!’ said Brant who was very much against pets eating their owner’s food.
There was a crashing sound followed by a yelp.
‘Yeah, I’ve pretty much got used to it but you may get complaints from the neighbours any day soon.’
‘Oh we don’t want that,’ said Brant, looking over towards where Mr Parker lived. Mr Parker was a very difficult man.
‘Get used to what?’ said Sabina
‘Kitchen friction,’ replied Ruby. ‘Mrs Digby can’t stand Consuela and Consuela can’t stand Mrs Digby – it’s been like this ever since you guys went away.’
‘Really?’ said Sabina
‘Oh yeah,’ said Ruby raising her voice a little, to make herself heard over what sounded like the smashing of a cut-glass tulip vase. ‘It’s been terrible – I must say this fish is very good though.’
Sabina
