but she asks it in a way that I can understand.
“Motive?” she says.
I glance over at her, and she’s looking straight back at me.
“Come on: motive?” she repeats.
And I do something all the Apricities in the world could never have predicted. I go ahead and answer her.
“It felt strong. Denying myself something I needed to feel strong. Not giving in when I was hungry felt strong.”
“Okay.” She nods. “Yeah, okay. I get that.”
But somehow I’m still explaining. Because suddenly there’s more. “I think it’s that I wanted to be what’s essential. I wanted to be, like, pure.”
“Shit, Rhett.” She smiles, her eyes big and bright and sad. “Me too.”
And I want to tell her that her smile is what’s essential, that her smile is what’s pure. But I could never say something like that out loud.
So I do what I can. I lick my thumb, reach for her face, and rub the eyebrow pencil away. There are little hairs in an arc, just starting to grow back. Then I do something more. I lean over and kiss her, there above her eye, where her eyebrow used to be.
Means: I am brave.
Motive: I want to kiss her.
Opportunity: She bends her head forward to meet my lips.
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