seemed to be skipping from infatuation (on her part), to slippers-and-pipe comfortable, without doing the madly-in-love bit in the middle.
Surely there should be one of those, even for her?
‘I can help, you know, mend fences to keep that Houdini horse in,’ he gave a reassuring smile, ‘I know how hard it is for you to keep on top of that place, and I’m not always there, but I can be. So, what do you say? February wedding before I get busy on the fields?’
February! He was giving her deadlines now. She spluttered up the mouthful of lager. ‘There’s no need to rush into this is there?’ And gave a weak smile.
He could move in. Live there. With her. Instead of just spending the odd night at hers, losing odd socks under the bed, leaving the loo seat up, and emptying the milk carton, he could do it all the time. With all his socks. His socks would be happy – paired off. They could fall asleep in front of the TV together (him and her, not the socks) every night. She could cook his dinner while he mended things. They could do couple-things.
All the time.
Forever. Never set foot outside of Tippermere, never meet anybody new. Live on roast dinners and apple pie for the rest of their lives. Okay she was pushing it a bit there. They could go to the restaurants in Kitterly Heath, or rather she could. Jimmy was quite happy doing the same thing day in day out. He didn’t want to explore, he didn’t want excitement, oh God, he just didn’t have any of the dreams she did.
She perched on the edge of her seat. That was it. She’d got it, he didn’t share her dreams, he was happy with what he’d got and deep inside she thought, hoped, that one day she’d find a little bit more.
She really did feel queasy now. No way could she say that, it would be more shocking than the proposal, and it had only just occurred to her. And she’d sound deranged if she said it. He’d set off some weird kind of chain reaction inside her.
But he was nice. And maybe nobody would share her mad dreams, well not a man. Maybe this was all there was. She slumped back.
‘Go on then, say it.’ The pint glass stopped, halfway up to his mouth as he realised that her open mouth wasn’t signalling a delighted yes. ‘Daisy? Say something, please, I’m beginning to feel a bit of a dick.’ His gaze darted round, furtively checking out for listeners-in.
‘It’s just,’ putting her hands under her thighs and shuffling down so nobody could see her didn’t seem to be helping, ‘I’m not quite ready to be thinking about grandkids for your dad, and…’ It was one thing him feeling a bit of a dick, she was beginning to feel a real cow.
‘Oh. Silly me.’ The glass went down with a clunk and he snapped the box shut, and then it was engulfed by his large hand. He stared at the table and his whole body seemed to close down, block her out.
She could prise his fingers open. Declare undying love. Give up on everything but him.
‘Jimmy, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…’ Daisy put her hand over his; the rough, weathered hand she was so fond of. If she was clear in her own head what she meant, this would be easier to explain. ‘You’ve just caught me… you mean a lot to me, you know that.’ Lame, that was so lame.
‘Sure,’ the box disappeared back into the inner packet of his waxed jacket, ‘want another beer?’
‘I just need a bit of time to get used to the idea. I’m in shock.’
‘You shouldn’t need a bit of time, Dais.’
‘I didn’t expect…’ If she’d had a warning, then she would have talked herself round.
He gave a weary sigh, then stood up. ‘I thought you’d be pleased. It’s what women want, isn’t it?’
She’d ignore the bit where he’d just lumped her in with half the population. ‘It’s just, well, sometimes I think I haven’t actually lived, you know done things.’ There were ways to say this without sounding loopy. ‘I, we, shouldn’t settle down yet. I’m too young.’
‘Young? Lots of people get married younger than us; look at my brother Andy.’
Oh yes, randy Andy, who was intent on giving the Tippermere population a boost single-handed.
‘And what do you mean you haven’t done things? Like what? You do lots of stuff. It’s that Anna, isn’t it?’
‘What is that supposed to mean, it’s Anna?’
‘Well you’re always chatting to her.’ He towered over her, beginning to look belligerent. ‘She’s told you I’m not good enough for you.’
‘That’s just not fair, Jimmy and you know it. I like Anna, she’s my friend, but I can make my own mind up about what’s right for me.’ Anna did think she could do better. Younger. More exciting. ‘And she’s never said you’re not good enough for me.’ Well, she had never actually said it in so many words.
‘Well, she’s the one that’s told you you’ve not lived.’
‘Well, actually it was you that just said I needed to lighten up, have a bit of fun.’ But he did actually have a point about Anna. She had told Daisy more than once that she needed to get a life (as in one that didn’t centre round a grumpy horse, her naughty dog Mabel, and Jimmy), but it wasn’t Anna’s voice in her head. In fact it wasn’t a voice at all, it was her heart pounding so hard it was echoing in her ears, something deep inside screaming out Help!
Jimmy’s mouth twisted stubbornly. ‘I meant we needed to get out more.’
‘You mean come to the pub more often.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with coming here for a pint now and then, or isn’t it good enough for you now?’
‘I didn’t say there was anything wrong. But maybe you’re right,’ switching it back to him had to help, concentrate on the positive Mum always said, ‘I do need to lighten up and get out more. I mean I used to have all these dreams about walking barefoot on some beach in Greece, or riding in the Canadian Rockies, or …’
‘Or swimming with dolphins. Yeah, yeah, just like in those daft magazines you read. Daisy, that’s all crap, real people like us don’t do stuff like that, you just read about it.’
‘Anna does.’
He scowled. ‘People like us don’t go hang-gliding, or jumping off cliffs or whatever it is. We’re happy as we are.’ He paused, the killer pause. ‘I bet your parents never did stuff like that.’
Bull’s-eye. She didn’t want to be like her parents, even though she loved them. They’d spent their lives tied to a farm; milking cows and cutting crops. Making hay between showers. ‘No, but I want to.’ What had he unleashed? An hour ago, before he’d asked her to marry him, she’d thought she’d been more than happy with Mabel and Barney, with him. With mucking out stables, hacking down the lanes, shampooing and clipping dogs, with being Daisy.
Now she was insisting she wanted to jump off cliffs. Which she didn’t want to do at all. Ever. She hated standing on the edge of anything, even a high wall. And the dolphin thing was a no-no. It had taken a very patient teacher and a lot of swimming lessons
