in the bud. She was the sensible, practical Miss Deborah Gillies, who could be relied upon to behave completely correctly, no matter what blows fate dealt her. Had she not stood firm when her mother had collapsed after the sudden death of the Reverend Gillies? Though she, too, had been grief-stricken and shocked to discover her loving father had left them with scarce two farthings to rub together, she had dealt with the legal men, assessed their budget, found a modest house and hired the few servants they could now afford. She had shaken hands with the new incumbent, who had wanted them to move out of the vicarage within a month of her father’s death, and even managed to hand over the keys of the only home she had ever known to his pretty young wife with dry eyes.
In comparison with that, this inconvenient yearning she felt for a man who was unattainable was nothing.
Yawning again, she pulled the covers up to her ears, reminding herself that she did not have the energy to waste on weaving dreams around the dashing Captain Fawley anyway. What she ought to be worrying about was what she and her mother would do once Susannah had bagged her eligible, and they no longer had any reason to let the Hullworthys foot their bills.
If tonight had taught her anything, it was that she might as well stop hoping to meet someone who would want to marry her and miraculously make everything right. And she had long since known that she could not simply return to Lower Wakering at the end of the Season, and continue to be a drain on her mother’s scant resources.
It was about time, she decided as her eyes drifted shut, to come up with some plan to settle her future for herself.
By herself.
Chapter Two
Deborah yawned, opened her eyes and stretched languorously. And sat up abruptly. She could see sunlight burning through the curtains, so the day must be far advanced. Why had Jones not come to wake her?
Then the events of the previous night filtered back to her consciousness. After the dizzy spell, the near faint, and, of course, the scene she had almost caused in the ballroom, her mother had probably decreed she should be left to sleep for as long as she needed. She swung her legs out of the bed and went to the washstand. The face that gazed back at her from the ornate gilt mirror was drawn, her eyes looking incredibly large against the pallor of her skin. Yes, she decided wryly, she had been trying to do too much, too soon after her illness. The fact that she had been unable to control her emotions in public was an indicator of how pulled she must be.
Once she had recovered her strength, she decided, splashing her face with cold water, she would be much better able to control those ridiculous feelings she had been experiencing around Captain Fawley. And the uncharitable ones she had been harbouring towards Susannah.
She rang the bell for the maid, deciding that she would have her breakfast in bed for once, just like a lady of fashion. While the Hullworthys were paying the bills, she might as well make the best of it. This would very likely be the last time she would have the opportunity to experience such luxury.
After a hearty breakfast of ham and eggs, washed down with liberal amounts of coffee, she fell asleep again, not waking until the day was far spent.
This time, when she rang for her maid, she decided she must get up and get dressed.
‘I’ll put out the long-sleeved morning gown, the one with the green sash, shall I, miss?’ said Jones. ‘There are several gentlemen callers downstairs, and you will be wanting to look your best.’
‘Will I?’ she said bitterly, causing Jones to frown at her. It would hardly matter what she looked like, she reflected, raising her arms for Jones to drop the delicate muslin over her head. They would all be there for Susannah.
‘Perhaps I am not well enough to leave my room, after all,’ she muttered darkly, settling on her dressing table stool so that Jones could arrange her hair. She had thought she had recovered her equanimity, yet the minute she was out of bed, she was beginning to feel jealous of Susannah again.
‘Oh, no, miss, I think it would do you good to go and drink a cup of tea and eat a little something.’
There was that, she agreed, as her stomach rumbled loudly. After brushing her hair briskly, Jones took a length of green ribbon in her hand.
‘No sense in heating the curling tongs, if you are only going to be out of bed for an hour or so,’ Jones said, deftly securing her hair off her face with the ribbon. Deborah wondered if she had infected the woman with her own pessimism, or whether Jones had come to the conclusion that, since her charge would never match up to the pretty Miss Susannah, there was no point in making much effort.
Funnily enough, Deborah approved of the new style Jones had created out of sheer laziness. She had not tried to torture her hair into the fussy mass of curls that had only ever made her face look even more pinched. It simply cascaded down her back. She looked far more like herself than she had felt since she had come to town.
‘Let’s not bother with the tongs again, Jones,’ she said, making for the door. If the London bucks did not find her attractive enough to propose, she was no longer prepared to exhaust herself trying to get them to notice her.
As she descended the stairs to the first floor, she felt more cheerful than she had for some time. The result of all that extra sleep, or her decision to stop hankering after the unobtainable? She did not know. She only knew that she wanted a cup of tea. And some sandwiches. And maybe a few of the delicious little macaroons the cook always put out for afternoon callers.
She was not going to bother attempting to engage any of Susannah’s suitors in conversation. She was tired of trying to discover some speck of intelligence in the fops and fribbles who were crowding her drawing room lately. No wonder she had begun to think so highly of Captain Fawley. He stood out from the herd whose minds were full of the cut of their coat, or the latest way of tying a cravat. Nor was his conversation peppered with tales of his exploits on the hunting field.
Oh, Lord, she thought, setting her hand to the doorknob with a self-deprecating smile, here I go again!
Susannah saw her the moment she entered the drawing room, and leapt to her feet, squealing ‘Deborah!’ in a most unladylike display of pleasure. ‘I had begun to think you were going to sleep the clock round. Are you feeling better? Do come and sit by me.’ She gestured towards the sofa seat next to her, causing the swain sitting there to scowl. ‘Mr Jay will not mind making room for you.’ She turned her sweetly smiling face to his, and the scowl miraculously disappeared. ‘You can fetch Miss Gillies a plate of sandwiches from the sideboard, while I pour her a cup of tea.’
Deborah bit her lip to prevent herself from giggling. The last thing Mr Jay wanted to do was fetch and carry for a pasty-faced girl he would not have passed the time of day with, given the choice. But to win favour with Susannah, his pained look seemed to convey, he would walk across hot coals.
As she followed his progress across the room, her eyes snagged on the figure of Captain Fawley, lounging against the mantelpiece. He had been looking distinctly surly, but, on seeing her, the expression on his face softened somewhat.
In spite of her resolution not to allow herself to be affected by him again, her unruly heart began to thump as he picked his way through the throng to reach her side.
‘I am glad to have had the opportunity to see you before I take my leave, Miss Gillies,’ he said. ‘Miss Hullworthy gave me to understand that it was unlikely.’
Out of the corner of her eye, Deborah saw Susannah blush and look a little uncomfortable. She wondered if her friend
