‘Someone straightforward. From what Matt tells me of your work, you’re perfectly capable of all that, or you wouldn’t be working at Andersen’s.’ His gaze met hers. ‘Your problem is, you lack confidence.’
How would he know? Although she was aware that he’d spent time working in the legal department, it had been before she’d joined the company. She’d only ever worked with him on projects as part of a larger team, never one-to-one.
Before she had the chance to protest, he added, ‘You’re good enough to do the job; you just don’t think you are. You need to work on that. I’ll tell Adam to add that to your objectives at your next appraisal and send you on some assertiveness training.’
Businesslike and to the point. And Lydia felt as if she’d been steamrollered. This wasn’t how the conversation was supposed to go. At all. He thought she’d got cold feet, was having a minor confidence wobble? That wasn’t the half of it. ‘I was trying to resign,’ she reminded him.
‘I know. And I’m not accepting your resignation. Apart from the fact that the legal team is under strength right now—so it’d put us in a mess if I let you go—you do your job well. So there’s no reason for you to leave.’ He rested both elbows on his desk, steepling his fingers, and looked her straight in the eye. ‘Unless you’ve had a better offer elsewhere?’
This was her cue to negotiate a pay rise. To claim that she’d been offered a huge salary and longer holidays with a rival company, so Jake would offer to match the deal.
Except…She wasn’t a shark.
This wasn’t about negotiating more money.
This was about facing what she’d known even before she took the job. About finding her real place in the world. The timing was all wrong, she knew—who in their right mind would leave a steady job to chase a dream, in the middle of a recession?
But it wasn’t as if she had any dependants.
And she had savings.
She’d manage.
‘No, I haven’t had a better offer,’ she said quietly. At least, not ‘better’ in the way that any businessman would see it.
Concern flickered in his face. ‘Is there a problem you’re not telling me about? Harassment of any sort?’
‘Of course not.’ She found Tim a bit wearing, for precisely the reasons that Jake had outlined, but she enjoyed working with Matt and Adam.
‘Then I don’t see any reason for you to resign. Except maybe the fact that you’re undervaluing yourself.’
Maybe she was. Which was why she’d become a lawyer in the first place. In some ways, although it had meant years of hard work, it had been an easier option. Easier to give in instead of being stubborn and holding out for what she knew she really wanted out of life. To paint. She’d wanted to paint for years, but when she’d told her parents she wanted to take Art as one of her A levels they’d reacted badly. Why would the daughter of a QC and a top solicitor want to become an artist—to go and starve in a Parisian garret, doing a job that wouldn’t even pay her rent? Ridiculous. And they’d refused to listen to her art teacher, too.
So she’d tried to please them. She’d studied History and Economics and Law, ending up with top marks and a place to read law at university. She’d trained as a solicitor and found herself a job as a corporate lawyer.
And she’d kept her sketching a secret between herself and her godmother, Polly.
‘I don’t want to be a lawyer any more,’ she said.
He leaned back in his chair. ‘You’ve fallen out of love with your job? It happens.’
He actually seemed to understand—and she really hadn’t expected that. So Jake knew other people who’d reached a point in their career where they just stopped wanting to do it?
Almost as if she’d asked the question out loud, he said, ‘Been there, done that, myself.’ For a brief moment, there was something in his eyes, but he’d masked it before she could read it. ‘And the way round it is to give yourself a new challenge. I think this job might do that for you.’
She wasn’t convinced. She’d stopped loving what she did a long time ago. If she was honest, she’d never really loved it in the first place. She’d just done it because she’d thought it was the right thing to do.
And over the years it had begun to feel so very much the wrong thing. She didn’t see how she could ever fall in love with her job again. ‘What if it doesn’t?’
‘Do this one job for me,’ he said, ‘and if you still feel the same way afterwards, then I’ll accept your resignation—backdated to today.’
Put that way, it seemed reasonable. And what difference would another few days make? ‘All right.’
He glanced at his watch. ‘I imagine this gives you enough time to rearrange your meetings for the next couple of days?’
‘Yes.’
‘Good. Now, clothes.’ He appraised her. ‘Your suit’s fine for business. We’ll be in the south of the country, so it won’t be quite as cold as the north, but you’ll still need a windproof coat and boots—do you have any?’
Jake clearly didn’t believe in social chat. And this was the longest conversation Lydia could remember having with him. It was the only meeting she’d had with him, one-to-one, in the three years she’d been working at Andersen’s; though she remembered he’d been just as incisive in the presentations and meetings she’d attended along with Matt or Adam.
‘Coat and boots?’ he repeated, raising his eyebrows.
Oh, great. Now he’d think she had the attention span of a gnat. ‘Yes, I have a coat and boots.’
‘Good.’
‘How long are we going for?’
‘Until Friday—though if there are complications we might need to work on Saturday morning and fly back on Sunday. Have you been to Norway before?’
‘No. Though I’ve always wanted to see the fjords and the Northern Lights,’ she admitted. To sketch them—to capture the pure, clean Nordic light in pastels.
He regarded her thoughtfully. ‘If you wanted to stay for a couple of days afterwards and take the chance to do a bit of sightseeing, I can arrange for you to have an open return flight. Andersen’s will pick up your hotel bill, to make up for eating into your weekend and evenings.’
That was an offer she definitely wasn’t going to refuse. ‘Thank you. I appreciate that. Though I’d better call Matt and check it’s OK for me to take time off next week.’
‘Sure. I’ll get Ingrid to sort out the travel details and let you know what’s happening.’
It was a dismissal. Polite enough, but still a dismissal. She smiled politely, and left his office.
Jake couldn’t settle back to work when Lydia had gone; every time he looked at the figures on his computer screen, his mind kept supplying a picture of Lydia.
