she wanted, she thought grimly. She wanted to be more than a crazy person with mutant hands. She wanted to be strong and capable. She wanted to be normal. But how?
She tried telling herself that despite how she felt, she really was breathing. Otherwise she would already be dead. Panic attacks were just a sensation. They were a biological response but they weren’t about anything.
What she wanted to do was curl up in a ball until it was over. Instead, she forced herself to stand. After taking in two slow, deep breaths, she walked back to the counter and called out the next number.
A man stepped forward. “A dozen doughnuts,” he said. “They’re for the secretaries in my office, so lots of chocolate.”
She nodded and reached for a box. After collecting twelve doughnuts, mostly chocolate, she went to the cash register and looked at the card. There was a single price for a dozen.
“Five-fifty,” she said.
He handed her a ten.
Claire put that into the cash register, made change and handed it over. The man smiled at her.
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
She checked the next number and called it out. Her chest still ached and she couldn’t catch her breath, but she kept going. Working carefully, trying to smile and give each customer what he or she wanted.
One customer turned into two. Two turned into five. Eventually the bakery cleared out. When they were finally alone, Maggie looked at her.
“You all right?”
Claire nodded. “Sorry about the panic attack. It happens sometimes.”
All the time, lately, but she didn’t want to admit that.
“You didn’t give up,” Maggie said. “That’s something. And you helped. So thanks for that.”
“You’re welcome.”
“You can go. We’ll be slow from now until lunch. By then Tiff will be here.”
Claire nodded and walked into the back of the bakery. After removing the apron and hairnet, she collected her purse and walked to her car.
She started the engine and leaned back in the seat. She was exhausted. A quick glance at the clock told her less than two hours had passed since she’d arrived, which didn’t seem possible. She felt as if she’d been working days.
Her cell phone rang. Claire pulled it out and glanced at the screen. Lisa again. Nothing good would come from that call. She turned off the phone and shoved it in her purse.
No doubt Nicole would have something snippy to say about her panic attack, but Claire refused to care. She’d managed to work through it and come out the other side. It was, for her, the first victory in a long time and nothing was going to take that away from her.
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