alone. She might die a virgin—not that she really wanted to think too much about sex where Lyle was concerned, not until she had to. And as if all that weren’t enough, she would end up a shriveled, bad-tempered old maid, and she still would have caused her father to lose Riley Communications in the process. Who needed to take a chance like that? Not Renee. Uh-uh. No, sir.
Really, she thought, she wasn’t likely to do better for herself than Lyle. She was the envy of several—well, at least two—of her friends. Hey, she was probably—no, certainly—the envy of the majority of young women in Minneapolis. She was lucky to have Lyle. He was a wonderful man. Her life with him was bound to be really, truly very…good.
Gee, keeping saying it over and over like that, and maybe eventually you’ll start to believe it.
Garrett Fortune’s words haunted Renee, just as they’d haunted her repeatedly over the past three months. Just as Garrett himself had haunted her. She still couldn’t imagine what had come over her on New Year’s Eve to let herself be kissed by the man. To kiss him in return. She’d just been so surprised when he did it. One minute, he’d been telling her how doomed Kelly and Mac were, and the next, he’d been kissing her as if she were the answer to every prayer he’d sent skyward.
And what a kiss. Kisses, she corrected herself. Plural. There had been nearly a half dozen of them. She knew that, because, as insensate as she’d been at the time, she’d counted each and every one of them. And even if they had been chaste and soft and undemanding—well, sort of chaste, sort of soft but in no way undemanding—the touch of Garrett’s mouth on hers had shaken Renee right down to the furthest reaches of her soul. In those few times their lips had touched, she’d experienced a shudder of arousal unlike anything she’d ever known.
Fireworks. Mystery. Magic. All of those things had been present in that one embrace. And all she’d been able to do was open her hand over his chest in a silent request for more.
But just as Garrett had lowered his head to hers to give her more, something had halted Renee—she still wasn’t sure what. A sense of self-preservation, perhaps. Some vague, ill-defined knowledge that if she kissed him again, there would be no turning back. It made no sense for her to have such a reaction to a veritable stranger, but there it was nonetheless. Something in Garrett had spoken to something in her. Something dark, something raw, something needy. Something she knew she’d be much better off not exploring.
Not with a man who hadn’t even bothered to call her to see where those few little kisses might lead. And certainly not with a man who’d said flat out that he thought marriage was a complete waste of time and a total farce.
Unfortunately, as unwilling as Renee was to explore the feelings he’d roused in her, she still hadn’t been able to forget about them. Or about Garrett. He’d crept into her thoughts when she least expected and had wandered into her dreams at night. And worse, when he did so, he had the very troubling tendency to be at least partially naked.
And although three months had passed since their brief interlude, she could still feel the soft brush of his mouth over hers, could still taste the faint flavor of champagne on his lips, could still inhale the dusky male scent of him that had surrounded her. Those three months might as well have been three minutes, so vivid was her memory of that night.
And it was that memory, she was sure, that kept making her question the wisdom of her impending—upcoming—wedding. Because less than an evening in Garrett’s presence superseded months in Lyle’s. When Renee thought about happily ever afters these days, Lyle was nowhere to be found. Instead, a whiskey-eyed man with pale brown hair—a man who had absolutely no interest in marriage—was the one who appeared in Renee’s plans for a future.
And that simply would not do.
She told herself she was totally distorting her memory of Garrett Fortune, that no one could possibly be as wonderful as she was remembering him. He was little more than a stranger. The two of them had spoken for less than an hour. The kisses they had shared had been no more than a celebratory welcome to the New Year.
It had not been the earth-shattering, mind-scrambling, libido-twisting experience she kept recalling. It hadn’t. And that single incident certainly wasn’t something that should influence her decision to marry Lyle.
She reminded herself again that she and her fiancé—she ignored the roll of nausea that swept through her as the word formed in her head—were a good…well, a good enough…match. By mutual agreement—at least, Renee was pretty sure the agreement had been mutual… She’d certainly been all for it herself—they’d agreed to wait until their wedding night to make love. But even though there were no fireworks in their relationship—yet, she told herself—even though there was no mystery, no magic—yet—Renee could live her life quite…quite adequately with Lyle. She didn’t need romance. She didn’t need love. She didn’t.
She didn’t.
Although she liked to think she was a woman of the nineties, a woman who made up her own mind and planned her own destiny, she was old-fashioned enough to believe in fulfilling obligations, too. And she did have an obligation to her father, one that was none too small.
He’d put so much of his life on hold so she would be happy. He’d never remarried, because he’d worried that such a relationship might somehow leave Renee feeling edged out of his life. He’d forgone vacations because she’d been in school and unable to accompany him. He’d worked long hours to build a business that would insure a future for her. He’d spent a considerable amount of money on private schools, tutors, riding lessons, piano lessons, etiquette lessons. He’d made certain Renee had the best of everything.
Everything Reginald Riley had done since her birth had been with his daughter’s welfare first and foremost in his mind. Renee couldn’t possibly betray him now, couldn’t possibly risk his losing everything he’d spent decades working to build. There was no way she could do that to him.
Or to herself, she reminded herself ruthlessly. It wasn’t just her father’s welfare at stake. Renee, too, stood to lose a lifetime of memories and mementos, of sentiment and souvenirs. Not to mention sacrificing the only way of life she’d ever known. Certainly she could get by without money and a social position. But she really would hate to see it all go.
In frustration, she raked a hand through her tangle of curls, wincing when she snagged one in the gaudy engagement ring Lyle had given her. Carefully, she freed her hair and gazed at the dazzling, exquisite, four-carat diamond marquise.
Never big on jewelry unless it was of the antique variety, Renee had picked out a simple, half-carat solitaire perched in a silver setting embellished with marcasite. But Lyle had laughed good-naturedly at her choice, assuring her there was no reason for her to “settle” for something so small and unassuming, not when she was about to marry Lyle Norton. So he had bought this ring for her instead. The gem was brilliant. Beautiful. Breathtaking.
And Renee felt guilty as sin wearing it.
It just wasn’t right, she told herself. Not the ring, not the dress, not her feelings, not Lyle. She sighed heavily as the doubts threatened to overcome her again, closed her eyes at the waves of uncertainty that tried to shatter her fragile conviction that marrying Lyle was the Right Thing to do. And as always happened when she felt such a tremor in her convictions, Renee knew there was just one thing for her to do.
Get a facial.
Oh, what the heck, and a manicure, too, since she’d been so good about kicking the nail-biting habit. A facial and manicure were always good antidotes to anxiety and indecision. A trip to the spa was just about the only way she knew
