haven’t spent much time together in the past year.”
“Oh. Okay. I sensed that something was going on,” she said, taking a sip of fresh brew and making a mewling noise. “This is amazing.”
Austin tried not to think about a similar sound that drew from her throat in the moments before she exploded around him when they made love.
“Yeah, it’s good,” was all he managed to say.
“It’s strange that I live here and yet I don’t remember this place,” she said. “I wish we could go home to the ranch.”
“It’s too far from the hospital and your doctors, remember?” he said, not wanting to read too much into the fact that the only place she remembered as home was his ranch. The doctor had said that head trauma could do strange things to a person.
One thing was certain, with the baby boom going on at the ranch, he couldn’t take her there. He wouldn’t risk all her memories crashing down around her triggered by the reason for the distance between them in the first place. The doctor had said that her brain would unlock pieces of reality as she renewed her daily routine. Anything else could be too fast, too traumatic. And Austin was certain that seeing their daughter’s nursery would release a flood.
As much as Austin didn’t like the idea of playing house at her loft, he could hang in there for a few more days. The place wasn’t exactly homey but there were enough essentials here to survive. All he really needed was a coffee maker and microwave, and she had both. Maria had never been much of a cook, which had never bothered Austin. They both knew enough to get by and had had more kitchen sex than probably any other room because of it. But great sex wasn’t the only thing he missed about her. He missed her quick wit, her sharp sense of humor, the way she’d seemed to understand him without even needing to talk. How did everything get so messed up between them? How had it come to this?
“I’m still a little unclear as to how I ended up in the hospital,” she said.
“You were jumped from behind,” he said. “And the guy caught you off guard.”
“Was I working?” she asked.
“No. You were off the clock and had stopped off to meet with friends.” Austin didn’t say that she was having a draft beer at the Midnight Cowboy on Sixth Street after meeting up with a group of people, one of which was most likely the guy she planned to marry.
“Now that I think about it, I remember working a lot of late hours,” she said, and then her gaze landed on him. He must’ve given a look without realizing it.
“What is it?” she asked.
“Nothing.” He shrugged. When she wasn’t in Austin she’d brought work home to the ranch with her. Her eyes had been glued to her laptop most of the time. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen her relaxed, like now, and her dedication to her work had only escalated the tension between them. “What else do you remember?”
“Not much. But I have a question. I’m married to you and all I do is work?” She’d forgotten all the tension between them, all the times he’d busted out the back door after her at the ranch, not knowing what to say or do to make his wife happy again.
Austin took in a sharp breath. Lucky her.
“Things are a little more complicated than that but we don’t have to talk about it right now,” he said.
“Why not?” she asked. “I can’t think of anything better to do.”
“It’s not important compared to what you’re going through right now.” It was the first honest thing he’d said since arriving at her place.
“Yeah, okay,” she said, looking frustrated. Her hand came up to her forehead as if trying to recall was giving her a headache.
“You have to take it easy,” he said, trying to soothe her without getting too close.
She looked up at him and half smiled. “You’re right. I’m sure it’ll come back. It’s just hard when it feels like everyone else knows things about my life that I don’t.”
The last doctor he’d spoken with at the university hospital had said that there was no physical reason for her memory loss. It was possible that her brain was suppressing anything it viewed as a difficult issue. If she saw being on the verge of finalizing their divorce as traumatic, her brain might just decide to push that into a shadow. Force it out and the ramifications could be overwhelming to her.
“Whatever’s going on between us that’s causing you stress, I want you to know that I’m sorry,” she said with so much sincerity and sadness.
His hands fisted to stop from reaching out to her, to being her comfort. How many nights had he stayed awake, starting at the ceiling, wishing one of them could open up before she’d left? The memory burned a hole in Austin’s chest. Remembering wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.
“Don’t worry about it.” Focusing on the past wouldn’t get them back on track with her healing. Once she got her memories back she wouldn’t want to have anything to do with him again. “The most important thing for you to focus on is healing.”
“Guess work can’t come between us now,” she said, referring to the fact that she was being forced to take time off until she got medical clearance.
“True,” Austin said. He meant to smile but couldn’t seem to force it.
“What are you really worried about? The ranch? Is it really that bad there?” she asked. “And don’t say it’s me.”
“We’ll figure out what’s going on with the calves. What makes you so sure I’m concerned about something other than your health?” He took a seat on the edge of the armchair and sipped his coffee.
“You always get this line across your forehead. It’s deep because that’s the way you care about things. Your eyes widen just a little and your irises get bigger, the opposite of what happens to most people,” she said. “And you don’t look me straight in the eye when you talk to me. All other times it’s like you’re seeing right through me and I can’t stop wondering what happened to make it go away.”
* * *
MARIA COULDN’T IMAGINE what had transpired between her and the handsome Austin O’Brien to make things seem so awkward at moments. But it had to be something serious. And he was covering up whatever it was. Maybe they were in the middle of a fight and he didn’t want to bring it up or stir up negative memories? It would’ve had to be something bad for him to react to her so stiffly. She feared there was a whole lot more to the story of her moving into the loft. All of that was frustratingly patchy.
Even so, that’s not what she remembered most about their relationship. There’d been a physical attraction, sure. His emerald green eyes, strong squared jaw and black-as-night tight-clipped hair were the first things she’d noticed about him. What had kept her coming back for more was his laid-back laugh, that infuriating sparkle to his eye that had melted her heart every time she looked at him and been so good at seducing her. And then there was the way it was so easy to be around him.
From the moment she’d met Austin, he just felt like home. And that was weird because she couldn’t remember the last time she truly felt at home anywhere or with anyone before
