mind. Things that weren’t conducive to working alongside him. Captain Lowe. Remember that and forget his looks, his muscles, and that open face she’d managed to shut down. But she was female after all and did enjoy being around a good-looking guy. She wasn’t immune to physical attributes that would send any breathing, feeling woman into orbit. Despite the fact that letting down the barriers so that a man could get close would take more guts than she possessed, she could still appreciate perfection when she saw it.
Maddy shook her head abruptly. You came here to do a job, not to fire up your hormones. Experience had taught her that she couldn’t do casual sex; she had to have some connection with a lover. When she’d fallen in love she’d known it had been worth the wait. Until that man, who had become her husband, had pulverised her heart along with her confidence, and she was back to square one. She was unlikely to ever forget Jason’s appalled reaction to her disfigured body. She’d believed in his love. Now she knew not to expect any different from any man, so knew keeping safe was entirely up to herself.
‘Captain? Your room is number three in that block behind the mess hall.’ A soldier appeared in her line of vision, a clipboard in his hand, thankfully blotting out that irritating sight of long legs and tight backside that had her in a spin.
‘Thank you, Private,’ she acknowledged as she turned in the right direction.
One step and Madison froze.
Thick smoke billowed above a hut on the far perimeter.
A chill slithered down her spine, lifted the hairs on her arms. Her heart leapt into her throat. She forgot to breathe. ‘No.’ The word crawled out of her mouth as fear swamped her. ‘No-o.’ Smoke meant fire. No, please, no. She couldn’t deal with that. Not today. Not ever. Not again. Anything else, yes. Move. Run. Someone could be trapped inside the hut. Move. She remained transfixed, staring at that murky column rising into the air, twisting, spiralling out of control.
‘Move, damn it.’ Do something. But her boots were filled with concrete. ‘I can’t.’ Her fingers touched her midriff, not feeling the scars through her uniform, but they were there, as familiar to her touch as her face in a mirror was to her sight.
‘Madison?’ Sam stood in front of her.
She tried to look away from that smoke. She really did. But her eyes had a mind of their own, were fixated with the swirling, growing cloud. As the smoke darkened, horror darkened her soul. Knots cramped her stomach. Bile spewed into her mouth, soured her tongue. Finally her lungs moved, expanded slowly against her chest.
Strong hands caught her upper arms, shook her. ‘Captain Hunter, what’s the problem?’
The air stalled in her lungs again. Breathe out slowly; one, two, three. Now in, one, two. ‘There’s a fire.’ She jerked her chin in the right direction as her lungs contracted, forcing hot air through her mouth.
Sam glanced where she’d indicated. ‘That’s not smoke. It’s a dust whirl. Get used to it. We get plenty around here.’ That intense stare returned to her face. What was he seeing? Apart from someone who should be behaving like a soldier? And clearly wasn’t.
‘You’re sure? You haven’t gone to check it out.’
‘I’m sure.’
Her knees sagged, and her shoulders drooped further into his strong grip. Air escaped her lungs again. ‘D-dust I can cope with.’ Phew. She was safe; she didn’t have to rush into roaring flames to rescue Granddad, pull him free of burning timbers. Except she hadn’t managed to save him. A blazing beam had seen to that. The sweat on her back chilled, her damaged skin prickled. Granddad.
Someone was shaking her. Sam. Of course. ‘Madison, look at me.’
I can’t do that. He’d see right inside, would know she was a screw-up. Nothing like the confident girl who used to cope with everything and had always been a success. She certainly didn’t used to do vulnerable. Digging deep, she tried to find that Madison, but she was long gone. Burned in the midst of a fire. ‘I’m all right. I don’t mind dust.’ That scratchy sound coming across her tongue was not her usual voice; instead, it sounded like a cat when its tail was stomped on.
‘You won’t be saying that for long. It never goes away, coats every damned surface, and gets into places you won’t believe.’
But it won’t kill me, or scar my body, or terrify me. Or take someone I love. Or change my life for ever. Shaking in her boots, she continued staring at the thinning cloud as it changed direction to head away from the buildings. A grenade had been lobbed at her within minutes of arriving. This place was not good for her.
Just as well Sam still held her. To hit the ground with thirty kilos on her back would hurt, and write her off as a loser in everyone’s eyes.
Did he know he was rubbing her arms with his thumbs? Couldn’t, or he’d stop immediately. She didn’t want that. Not yet. She needed the contact, the comfort, which showed how messed up she was. She was an officer in the New Zealand army, for pity’s sake. ‘It’s truly only dust?’
‘Yes, Madison, not smoke.’
The unexpected gentleness in his voice nearly undid her. She wasn’t used to that tone from men any more, and it reached inside to tear at her heart, slashed at the barricades she kept wound tight. She tilted forward, drawn by an invisible thread, needing to get closer. Her brain was begging Sam to wrap his arms around her.
Her chin flipped up. Under pressure from her pack she straightened her spine and locked her eyes on his. He’d have her back on that plane heading home quick smart if he knew what she wanted of him. Good idea. That’d get her away from here and everything she suspected was going to test her over the coming weeks and months. Something at the back of her mind was pushing forward. I am not a coward. Not even a little one? No. Not even a tiny one. Messed up? Yes. But she would not add coward to her CV. Twisting her head away from that all-seeing gaze, she locked her eyes on the dust that had ripped her equilibrium apart.
‘Dust can be a nuisance. Dirty and scratchy.’ Slowly, one shallow breath at a time, her lungs relaxed, returned to doing their job properly. There was little resemblance to smoke in that whirl. She’d made an idiot of herself. ‘Thanks for rectifying my mistake,’ she whispered.
‘Any time.’ Sam stepped back, his hands dropping to his hips in his apparent favourite stance, taking that strength and safety with him, leaving her swaying until she found her balance, but like he was ready to catch her if necessary. That she could cope with; the intensity he was watching her with she could not.
Madison slowly looked around, taking time to get her body back under control. She was a soldier, and a doctor. No one need know she lost her cool at the sight of smoke. Or the smell of it. Or the roar of flames. Except Sam had already witnessed her near breakdown. She could only hope he wasn’t going to be like a dog with a bone until he found out what that had been about.
She risked a glance at him, and gasped at the worry filling his steady summer-sky eyes.
‘Are you all right?’ he demanded.
‘Yes.’ The thudding in her chest had spread to take up residence in her skull—beat, beat, beat. She needed to get indoors, away from dust clouds—and compelling eyes that had already seen too much. ‘I’ve never seen dust like that, and naturally...’ Would he fall for this? ‘Naturally I thought there was a fire. I won’t make that mistake again.’
‘You’d
