To her left was the balcony of unit fifteen, the two-bedroom apartment that Lucas had stayed in seven years ago. The apartment where she and Kristie had gone on the night of the party was only metres away. She could see the exact spot where she’d been standing when Lucas had first kissed her.
He had been her first love. He had been her Prince Charming. She’d fallen hard and fast but when he’d kissed her that first time and she’d given him her heart she hadn’t known there would be no turning back.
Now, at twenty-four, she didn’t believe in Prince Charming any more.
‘MUMMY?’
The sound of Lily’s voice startled her. Jess was still on the balcony, standing with her fingers pressed against her lips as she recalled the first kiss she and Lucas had shared. She shivered as she realised she was freezing. She had no idea how long she’d been standing out there in the cold.
She didn’t have time for reminiscing. She had responsibilities.
Lily had wandered out of the bedroom and Jess could see her standing in the living room, looking around at the unfamiliar surroundings. She was sucking on her thumb and had her favourite toy, a soft, grey koala, tucked under one arm. With white-blonde hair and a heart-shaped face she was the spitting image of Jess, just as Jess was the image of her own mother.
‘I’m hungry,’ Lily said, as Jess came in from the balcony and closed the doors and curtains behind her.
‘You are?’ She was surprised. Lily wasn’t often hungry. She was a fussy eater and didn’t have a good appetite and Jess often struggled to find food that appealed to her daughter, although fortunately she would eat her vegetables.
‘Let’s see what we’ve got.’ Jess opened the fridge, hoping Cameron had been right when he’d said that his wife had left some basics for them. She could see bread, milk, eggs, cheese and jam.
‘How about toasted cheese sandwiches for dinner?’ she said. ‘Or eggs and soldier toast?’
‘Eggs and soldier toast.’
Jess put the eggs on to boil and then found Lily’s pyjamas. By the time she was changed the eggs were done. Lily managed to finish the eggs and one soldier. Jess slathered the remaining soldier toasts with jam and polished them off herself.
Lily was fast asleep within minutes of climbing back into bed, but even though Jess was exhausted she found she couldn’t get comfortable. Lily, who was a restless sleeper at the best of times, was tossing and turning in the bed beside her and disturbing her even further. She would have to split the bed apart tomorrow; she couldn’t stand another night like this.
She got up and put the kettle on, hoping for the hundredth time that she’d made the right decision in moving to Moose River.
It seemed surreal to think that returning to the place where things had started to go wrong had been the best solution, but she’d felt she hadn’t had much choice. She’d needed a job with regular hours and this one had the added bonus of accommodation, which meant she could be home with Lily before and after school and she wouldn’t need to leave Lily with a childminder or take extra shifts to cover the rent or babysitting expenses. She also hoped that living in Moose River would give Lily the opportunity to have the childhood she herself had missed out on. A childhood free from worry, a childhood of fun and experiences.
She carried her decaf coffee over to the balcony doors. She drew back the curtains and rested her head on the glass as she gazed out at the moonlit night and let the memories flood back. Of course they were all about Lucas. She couldn’t seem to keep thoughts of him out of her head. She hadn’t expected Moose River to stir her memory quite so much.
What would he be looking at right now? Where would he be?
Probably living at Bondi Beach, running a chain of organic cafés with his gorgeous bikini-model wife, she thought. They would have three blue-eyed children and together his family would look like an advertisement for the wonders of fresh air and exercise and healthy living.
But maybe life hadn’t been so kind to him. Why should it have been? Why should he be glowing with health and happiness?
Perhaps he was working in a hotel restaurant in the Swiss Alps and had grown fat from over-indulging in cheese and chocolate. He could be overweight with a receding hairline. Would that make her feel better?
What was it she wanted to feel better about? she wondered. It didn’t matter where Lucas was or what he was doing. That was history. She’d woken up to herself in the intervening years. Woken up to real life. And he wasn’t part of that life. He was fantasy, not reality. Not her reality anyway.
Jess shook herself. She needed to get a grip. Her situation was entirely of her own choosing and she wouldn’t change it for anything, not if it meant losing Lily.
She sighed as she finished her coffee. Her father had been right. Lucas hadn’t been her Prince Charming and he wasn’t ever coming to rescue her. Wherever he had ended up, she imagined it was far from here.
Their first fortnight in Moose River went smoothly. Lily settled in well at her new school. She was thriving and Jess was thrilled. She loved the after-school ski lessons and Jess was looking forward to getting out on the slopes with her this weekend and seeing how much she’d improved in just ten days. It was amazing how quickly children picked up the basics.
She wondered about Lily’s fearless attitude. If Lily wanted something she went after it, so different from Jess’s reticence. Was that nature or nurture?
Jess had vowed to give Lily freedom—freedom to make her own friends and experience a childhood where she was free to test the boundaries without constant supervision or rules. A childhood without the constant underlying sense that things could, would and did go wrong and where everything had to be micromanaged.
Moose River was, so far, proving to be the perfect place for Lily to have a relaxed childhood and Jess was beginning to feel like she’d made a good decision. Lily had made friends quickly and her new best friend was Annabel, whose parents owned the patisserie next to their apartment building. By the second week the girls had a routine where Lily would go home with Annabel after ski school and have a hot chocolate at the bakery while they waited for Jess to finish work. Jess had been nervous about this at first but she’d reminded herself that this was a benefit of moving to a small community. She’d wanted that sense of belonging. That sense that people would look out for each other. She wanted somewhere where she and Lily would fit in.
Initially she’d felt like they were taking advantage of Annabel’s mother but Fleur was adamant that it was no bother. Annabel had two older siblings and Fleur insisted that having Lily around was making life easier for everyone as Annabel was too busy to annoy the others. Jess hated asking for favours, she preferred to feel she could manage by herself even if she knew that wasn’t always the case, but she was grateful for Fleur’s assistance.
Her new job as a clinic nurse was going just as smoothly as Lily’s transition. Her role was easy. She helped with splints, dressings, immunisations and did general health checks—cholesterol, blood pressure and the like. It was routine nursing, nothing challenging, but that suited her. It was low stress and by the end of the two weeks she was feeling confident that coming here had been the right decision for her and Lily.
Not
