As a doctor, I know that you can still have vaginal bleeding in pregnancy, and if she’d missed a pill or had been ill, her contraceptive might have let her down. But I didn’t push it.’ She took a swig of coffee.
‘Ectopic pregnancy?’ Will guessed.
‘Yes. And I didn’t pick it up. I was her GP, and I let her down. Badly. I didn’t give her a pregnancy test, just in case, and I didn’t send her for a scan. If I had, they’d have picked it up early enough.’
‘Any abdominal pain?’
‘No.’
Will shrugged. ‘Hard one to call if she said she wasn’t pregnant, had no abdominal pain.’ He swallowed hard.
Clearly he needed a drink, Mallory thought. How could she be so selfish as to sit here and jabber on at him, burden him with her problems, when he really needed looking after? She put her coffee on his bedside cabinet and brought the cup of water down within his reach.
‘Thanks.’ He took a small sip through the straw, then another. Then stopped. ‘Don’t want you to tell me off again,’ he said.
That half-smile again. She’d bet her last penny that the full monty was the type of smile that would make you cross frozen wastes. Correction. The type of smile that would make frozen wastes feel like lush, temperate pastureland. ‘One in five.’
‘Hmm?’ She’d lost him completely.
‘One in five. Women with ectopic pregnancy who have normal periods.’
She knew the statistic too, but it didn’t make her feel any better.
‘But I should have checked, Will. I didn’t.’
Because she’d been too preoccupied with Geoff. Kind, sweet Geoff and his completely unexpected proposal. Well, it hadn’t been that unexpected—she’d known from the start that his feelings had been stronger than hers. She’d known what the right answer should have been, but had asked him for time to think about it. Think about whether she could settle down at the practice in the New Forest, bury her love for the mountains and become the domesticated doctor he’d wanted her to be; whether she could live someone else’s dreams for the rest of her life. Or whether she could bring herself to hurt him by saying no.
In the end, there had been only one decision. The kindest thing for both of them. She’d told him she loved him, but she couldn’t be the woman he needed. She couldn’t be his wife. She’d written out her resignation and applied to register as a locum in Cumbria—putting distance between them and giving her a chance to climb while she thought about what to do next.
And then, in the grim weeks when she’d worked out her notice, when she’d seen how Geoff had lost weight and she’d had dark shadows under her eyes and had started wondering maybe if she should have just put his happiness before her own and said yes, she’d nearly lost a patient. Lindy. ‘Her tube ruptured the next day. She went into shock, lost a lot of blood. They nearly lost her—as it was, the Fallopian tube had to be removed and she needed a lot of transfusions. And it was all my fault. If I’d done my job properly, sent her for a scan, they’d have seen the problem and taken her into surgery before the tube ruptured.’
‘You’re a doctor—but you’re human.’ Will reached to take her hand with his uninjured one.
The feel of his skin against hers sent a shiver of sheer pleasure down her spine. She should pull her hand away—right now—but she couldn’t.
He squeezed her hand. ‘We all make mistakes.’
Not on this scale. All because her mind hadn’t been on her job. ‘I should have known better. And my incompetence ruined a family’s Christmas.’ More than one family’s, actually. Three. Lindy’s, Geoff’s and her own.
‘Mallory, your patient didn’t die.’
‘No.’
‘Had she already lost a Fallopian tube?’
Mallory shook her head.
‘No reason why she can’t have a baby in future, then.’
‘But it shouldn’t have happened in the first place,’ Mallory insisted obstinately.
‘Your senior partner gave you time off?’
‘I resigned,’ she said quietly. What else could she have done? She’d let everyone down. Charles—Geoff’s father, the senior partner and her father’s best friend from medical school, the man who’d given her the job in the first place. Her own father, who’d so wanted her to follow in his footsteps. Geoff, who’d wanted her to be his wife and the mother of his children.
‘Why?’
Because of Geoff. Though she couldn’t tell Will that. And then, after what happened with Lindy…‘Maybe I’m just not meant to be a doctor,’ she said. She bit her lip. ‘Dad’s a GP. So are my brothers—they work in the same practice, actually. So right from the start everyone assumed I’d do the same. The only thing I did differently was to work in another practice when I qualified—Dad thought I was just gaining experience until I was ready to join Drs Ryman, Ryman and Ryman. But I screwed it up and I let everyone down.’
‘You’re being too hard on yourself.’
‘Am I?’ Mallory shrugged. ‘I dunno. I needed time to think. So I came here.’ She smiled wryly. ‘I suppose I take after my mother. When in doubt, go climbing.’
‘So what are you going to do?’
‘Climb. Think about what I want to do.’
Will’s hand tightened on hers for a moment, and then he moved his hand away. And he’d gone pale. ‘Are you all right?’ she asked.
‘Fine.’
He didn’t look it. She placed her hand on his forehead. No temperature. His breathing wasn’t rapid or shallow. She swiftly checked his pulse. A bit fast, but in the normal range. Maybe he was just tired—though she’d tell the nurse on her way out. It might be the first signs of shock. ‘Will, I’d better let you rest.’
He shook his head. ‘’M fine. What’re your choices?’
‘Give up medicine. Or if I do stay in medicine…I might do some locuming for a bit. Maybe join Médicins Sans Frontières.’
Her father had accused her of running away. Though how could she have stayed in the New Forest? Mallory had let Charles down on all fronts. Professionally, she’d made a stupid—nearly fatal—mistake. Personally, she’d let his son fall in love with her and had broken his heart—because Mallory knew that she couldn’t marry Geoff. She loved him dearly, but just as a friend—she wasn’t in love with him. Geoff was good and kind and honest and decent, and he’d make somebody a fantastic husband. He’d be a brilliant dad. But he wasn’t the right one for her. Climbing in extreme conditions was as alien to him as the planet Mars. The one time she’d confessed to Geoff that her secret dream was to climb Everest, he’d thought she was joking.
Coming to the Lakes had been the right thing to do. A clean break—kinder to Geoff, too, because it would give him the chance to meet someone who deserved him. Someone who’d
