you...
Gwen had only been a couple of years older than Penny so she would have been eight now. Would she have fallen in love with the Ballerina Bears, too? Be going to ballet lessons, perhaps, and wearing a pink tutu on top of any other clothing, including her pyjamas?
The thought was no more than a faint, mental jab. Thomas had known that working with children again might stir up the contents of that locked vault in his head and his heart but he knew how to deal with it.
He knew to step away from the danger zone.
He stepped away from the bed, too. ‘It’s a lovely day, today,’ he said, looping the stethoscope around his neck again. ‘Maybe Mummy can take you outside into the sunshine for a bit.’
A nurse came into the room as he spoke and he glanced at the kidney dish in one hand and a glass of juice in the other. ‘After you’ve had all your pills.’
‘Are you in a rush?’ Julia was on her feet, as well. ‘Have you got a minute?’ She glanced at her daughter, who was still entranced by the dancing bears on the screen. ‘I’ll be back in a minute, Penny. Be a good girl and swallow all those pills for Rosie, okay?’
‘’kay.’ Penny nodded absently.
‘Of course she will,’ Rosie said. ‘And then I want to know all the names of those bears, again. Who’s the one with the sparkly blue fur?’
‘Sapphire,’ Thomas could hear Penny saying as he held the door open for Julia. If she had concerns about her daughter’s condition, they needed to go somewhere else to discuss it. ‘She’s my favourite. And the green one’s Emerald and...the red one’s Ruby...’
The relatives’ room a little further down the corridor was empty. Thomas closed the door behind them and gestured for Julia to take one of the comfortable chairs available.
‘Are you sure you’ve got time?’
‘Of course.’
‘I just... I just wanted to ask you more about what you said yesterday. I tried to explain to Peter last night but I think I made it sound a lot worse than...than you did...’ Julia was fighting tears now.
Thomas nudged the box of tissues on the coffee table closer and Julia gratefully pulled several out.
‘You mean the ventricular assist device?’
Julia nodded, the wad of tissues pressed to her face.
‘You said...you said it would be the next step, when...if...things got worse.’
Thomas kept his tone gentle. ‘They sound scary, I know, but it’s something that’s often used as a bridge to transplant. For when heart failure is resistant to medical therapy, the way Penny’s is becoming.’
‘And you said it might make her a lot better in the meantime?’
‘It can improve circulation and can reverse some of the other organ damage that heart failure can cause.’
‘But it’s risky, isn’t it? It’s major surgery...’
‘I wouldn’t suggest it if the risks of going on as we are were less than the risks of the surgery. I know Penny’s having a better day today but you already know how quickly that can change and it gets a little more difficult to control every time.’
Julia blew her nose. ‘I know. That last time she had to go to intensive care, we thought...we thought we were going to lose her...’
‘I know.’ Thomas needed to take in a slow breath. To step away mentally and get back onto safe ground. Professional ground.
‘A VAD could make Penny more mobile again and improve her overall condition so that when a transplant becomes available, the chances of it being successful are that much higher. It’s a longer term solution to control heart failure and they can last for years, but yes, it is a major procedure. The device is attached to the heart and basically takes over the work of the left ventricle by bypassing it. Let’s make a time for me to sit down with both you and Peter and I can talk you through it properly.’
Julia had stopped crying. Her eyes were wide.
‘What do you mean by “more mobile”? Would we be able to take her home again while we wait?’
‘I would hope so.’ Thomas nodded. ‘She would be able to go back to doing all the things she would normally do at home. Maybe more, even.’
Julia had her fingers pressed against her lips. Her voice was no more than a whisper. ‘Like...like dancing lessons, maybe?’
Oh...he had to look away from that hope shining through the new tears in Julia’s eyes. The wall of the relatives’ room was a much safer place.
‘I’ll tell Peter when he comes in after work. How soon can we make an appointment to talk about it?’
‘Talk to Maria on the ward reception desk. She seems to know my diary as well as I do.’ He got to his feet, still not risking a direct glance at Julia’s face.
From the corner of his eye, he could see Julia turn her head. Was she wondering what had caught his attention?
He was being rude. He turned back to his patient’s mother but now Julia was staring at the wall.
‘My life seems to be full of teddy bears,’ she said.
Thomas blinked at the random comment. ‘Oh? You mean the dancing kind?’
‘And here, look. This is about the Teddy Bears’ Picnic in Regent’s Park. Well, Primrose Hill, actually. For transplant families.’
The poster had only been a blur of colour on the wall but now Thomas let his gaze focus.
And then he wished he hadn’t.
Right in the middle of a bright collage of photos was one of a surgeon, wearing green theatre scrubs, with a small child in her arms. The toddler was wearing only a nappy so the scar down the centre of her chest advertised her major cardiac surgery. The angelic little girl, with her big, blue eyes and mop of golden curls, was beaming up at her doctor and the answering smile spoke of both the satisfaction of saving a small life and a deep affection for her young patient.
‘That’s Dr Scott,’ Julia said. ‘Rebecca. But you know that, of course.’
Of course he did.
‘She did the surgery on Penny when she was a baby—but you know that too. How silly of me. You were her doctor back then, too.’ Julia made an apologetic face. ‘So much has happened since then, it becomes a bit of a blur, sometimes.’
‘Yes.’ Thomas was still staring at Rebecca’s face. Those amazing dark, chocolate-coloured eyes which had been what had caught his attention first, all those years ago, when he’d spotted her in one of his classes at medical school. The gleaming, straight black hair that was wound up into a knot on the back of her head, the way it always was when she was at work.
That smile...
He hadn’t seen her look that happy since...well,
