Christmas—”
“I can’t leave Louisa here alone,” Sophie interrupted.
“She can come.”
“She won’t.”
“Then that’s her choice, but you shouldn’t let her decisions influence you.”
She hesitated. Her expression grew pensive. “How is your mother and Boyd these days?”
“Learning to peacefully coexist.”
“It’s been nearly twenty years.”
“It took her a long time to stop comparing Boyd to my father.”
“Poor Boyd!”
“He knew my mother was marrying him on the rebound. He knew theirs wasn’t a love match.” Lon was smiling as he leaned against the counter but Sophie felt a quiet menace in him. “You never did like my mother, did you?”
Sophie wished this topic had never come up. She didn’t know how to extract herself gracefully. She and Lon had known each other too long to lie. “I’ve never understood her.”
His eyes narrowed fractionally. “What’s there to understand?”
“You were the one that told me she’d had an affair with a married man for years.”
“The affair was with my father.”
Sophie swallowed. She heard the steely note in Lon’s voice and knew she’d touched a nerve. “I just don’t understand how she could put you through that…you were just a little boy…”
“He loved her. She loved him—”
“He was married! What about his wife’s feelings? What about his other children’s feelings? How could your mother not see how hurtful it was for you to only see your father now and then? To never have a father there at Christmas, or on your birthday?”
Lon’s jaw hardened. “He sent cards, and gifts.”
“Cards. Gifts.” Anger burned in her. “And gifts were supposed to make up for a selfish, absentee father, a depressed mother, and a broken home?”
“It was her heart, her life—”
“No! It was your heart. Your life. Her choices impacted you, too!” She spat the words at him, and suddenly Sophie saw her own home, and her own family. She wasn’t just upset for Lon. She was upset for herself. She’d lived through such loneliness as a little girl. She knew what it was like to have an absentee parent. Her mother had walked out on them when she was small and her father had spent the rest of his life struggling to make things okay.
Okay.
As if anything would ever really be okay again.
But Lon didn’t know that Sophie’s hostility was directed at her own mother as well as his and he’d taken another step away from her. “I had no idea how much you disliked my mother.”
“I don’t—”
“She doesn’t need you judging her. She doesn’t need anyone judging her. She’s allowed to make her own mistakes, just as you’ve made yours.”
“What mistakes?”
“Still playing ostrich, aren’t you?” he retorted, dropping the damp dish towel on the counter and walking out.
As Sophie watched Lon walk away her heart felt like it was being ripped in two.
They’d once been so close. He’d been the most important person in her life. How had it come to this? Why had it come to this?
Clive.
Sophie reached up, pressed the palm of her hand to her temple. Her head felt as if it were so heavy, so unbelievably tired. She’d been trying to keep so much secret, and hidden inside, but all the details, all the travel and party problems, were overwhelming her.
There was only so much one could remember…only so much one could do…
If she could just get Louisa’s gala behind her.
If she could just keep Lon from meeting Federico.
If she could just get on the plane and head for Brazil…
Just another couple days, she reminded herself. Hang in there. Be patient. You’ll be in Sao Paulo before you know it.
Sophie drew a deep breath, and pulled her shoulders back. Time to go face Louisa and Alonso.
Not that she wanted to.
“Ah, there she is,” Louisa said, turning and indicating Sophie’s presence, as Sophie entered the semidark ballroom. “We were just wondering if you’d washed yourself down the sink.”
“Oh, no, nothing as exciting as that.” Sophie answered, glancing at Lon. But he wouldn’t make eye contact.
Instead he glanced at his watch. “It’s time I headed back to London.” He leaned toward Louisa, kissed her on the cheek. “Thank you for a lovely evening.”
“My pleasure.” Louisa laid a hand on his arm. “And I trust we’ll have your company at the ball on Saturday?”
“Unfortunately I’ve had plans for quite some time.”
“What a shame. Sophie’s invited some of her other friends. I’m sure you’d enjoy them.”
“I’m sure I would, too.” His smile was tight. It didn’t reach his eyes. “Happy Christmas, Louisa.”
Sophie walked with Lon through the rest of the ballroom. Though the grand room was empty now, it’d be transformed in three days time with a twelve foot tall tree in the corner, garland at the doors, and fragrant boughs at the windows.
“It’s going to be quite a party,” Lon said, stopping to look behind them.
Sophie knew that just decorating the enormous tree would take her and two staff members all day. “It always is.”
He looked down at her, no smile anywhere in his hard blue gaze. “Will I know any of your guests?”
Blood surged to her cheeks. “I don’t think so.”
He studied her expression for a long, tense moment. “You make me nervous, Sophie.”
She forced a laugh. “You, nervous? Come on Lon. You’re Superman. Only thing you’re afraid of is kryptonite!” And she moved on, toward the front door, feeling as if she were walking a tightrope.
She couldn’t manage her feelings around Lon.
She couldn’t manage Lon.
And she couldn’t forget the past. Her life felt nearly impossible now. Ever since Clive died she’d struggled along, confused. Disoriented.
